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carlson"},{"term":"tumor"},{"term":"tupac"},{"term":"turtles"},{"term":"twilight"},{"term":"tylenol"},{"term":"tyler perry"},{"term":"ufo"},{"term":"ugly betty"},{"term":"ultrasound"},{"term":"uncle fester"},{"term":"unconstitutional"},{"term":"underwater"},{"term":"underwear"},{"term":"united"},{"term":"universal studios orlando"},{"term":"university of florida"},{"term":"unsimulated sex"},{"term":"uppleva"},{"term":"urban development"},{"term":"usps"},{"term":"uzi"},{"term":"v for victory"},{"term":"vegetable"},{"term":"verizon"},{"term":"veterans day"},{"term":"video surveillance"},{"term":"vikings"},{"term":"virginia tech"},{"term":"vitamin d"},{"term":"vivid entertainment"},{"term":"watches"},{"term":"watson"},{"term":"wealthy"},{"term":"weapon"},{"term":"were a culture not a costume"},{"term":"whistleblower"},{"term":"whitney houston"},{"term":"wichita lineman"},{"term":"wikipedia"},{"term":"windows 8"},{"term":"wiretapping"},{"term":"wiz khalifa"},{"term":"wizarding world"},{"term":"wizards of waverly place"},{"term":"wolf blitzer"},{"term":"womens health and safety act"},{"term":"world cup"},{"term":"world health organization"},{"term":"wwdc"},{"term":"x-ray specs"},{"term":"xbox"},{"term":"xenu"},{"term":"yankees"},{"term":"yogurt"},{"term":"young lee"},{"term":"yoyodyne"},{"term":"zack snyder"},{"term":"zodiac"},{"term":"zoe lofgren"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"The Bennington Vale Evening Transcript"},"subtitle":{"type":"html","$t":"San Narciso County's Premier Source for Local, California and World News"},"link":[{"rel":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#feed","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/feeds\/posts\/default"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7536322267119235073\/posts\/default\/-\/Countdown+to+the+End+Time?alt=json-in-script\u0026max-results=8"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/search\/label\/Countdown%20to%20the%20End%20Time"},{"rel":"hub","href":"http://pubsubhubbub.appspot.com/"},{"rel":"next","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7536322267119235073\/posts\/default\/-\/Countdown+to+the+End+Time\/-\/Countdown+to+the+End+Time?alt=json-in-script\u0026start-index=9\u0026max-results=8"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"BC Bass"},"uri":{"$t":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/profile\/03955077314348723159"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$image":{"rel":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail","width":"23","height":"32","src":"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/-MIYHN6OoEwc\/U2l7x9al6lI\/AAAAAAAAWqI\/RQs7GfIsfto\/s1600\/*"}}],"generator":{"version":"7.00","uri":"http://www.blogger.com","$t":"Blogger"},"openSearch$totalResults":{"$t":"16"},"openSearch$startIndex":{"$t":"1"},"openSearch$itemsPerPage":{"$t":"8"},"entry":[{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536322267119235073.post-3831138960157560051"},"published":{"$t":"2017-04-13T21:37:00.000-07:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2017-04-14T12:14:00.360-07:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Countdown to the End Time"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Politics"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"World News"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"White House Says Trump Desperate to Start World War III Before Russia Investigation Ends"},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"\u003Cdiv class=\"separator\" style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"\u003E\u003Ca href=\"https:\/\/2.bp.blogspot.com\/-KTlGBdO5F_c\/WPBRoz5ZX4I\/AAAAAAAAprs\/PH-tVMLCIuAVNuHamGd7RU8ueGb6xvyOACLcB\/s1600\/trump-world-war-iii-russia.jpg\" imageanchor=\"1\" style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\"\u003E\u003Cimg alt=\"trump-desperate-world-war-russia\" border=\"0\" height=\"400\" src=\"https:\/\/2.bp.blogspot.com\/-KTlGBdO5F_c\/WPBRoz5ZX4I\/AAAAAAAAprs\/PH-tVMLCIuAVNuHamGd7RU8ueGb6xvyOACLcB\/s640\/trump-world-war-iii-russia.jpg\" title=\"trump-world-war-iii-russia\" width=\"640\" \/\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003C\/div\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cb\u003ESAN NARCISO, Calif.\u003C\/b\u003E (\u003Ci\u003EBennington Vale Evening Transcript\u003C\/i\u003E) -- Just two days after firing a barrage of Tomahawk missiles at Syria, the United States dropped the GBU-43\/B Massive Ordnance Air Blast (MOAB), colloquially dubbed the “Mother of All Bombs,” on a cave complex controlled by Islamic State militants in Afghanistan. Intelligence sources also confirmed on Thursday that naval destroyers had positioned themselves about 300 miles from strategic targets in North Korea. When questioned about the increasingly aggressive military actions sanctioned by Trump this week, White House officials emphasized the “now unavoidable need to start World War III before this Russia investigation wraps up.”\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ca name='more'\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003Ch3\u003ELook at the Explosions, Not the Man Behind the Curtain\u003C\/h3\u003EPresident Donald Trump relieved the concerns of his wary and disheartened supporters this week by fully embracing the unfettered, destructive powers accorded to the Commander-in-Chief of America’s military. \u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EOn Tuesday, in response to reports that Bashar al-Assad had killed 86 civilians with chemical weapons, Trump ordered the launch of 59 cruise missiles against a Syrian military base. To preserve international relations, he responsibly \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/2017\/04\/spicer-apology-hitler-vader-sauron.html\" target=\"_blank\"\u003Ealerted Putin and al-Assad prior to the launch\u003C\/a\u003E so they could protect their troops. The symbolic show of force attempted to showcase Trump as the defender of American democracy rather than an authoritarian puppet of nouveau-Soviet rulers. \u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EBy all counts, it was successful. Russian warplanes were grounded before the shelling began. And the assault claimed the lives of \u003Ca href=\"https:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/2017\/04\/13\/world\/middleeast\/syrian-fighters-airstrike-american-military.html\" target=\"_blank\"\u003E18 Syrian fighters allied with the United States\u003C\/a\u003E, leaving the butchers of al-Assad’s regime unharmed. Trump roused his hawkish, conservative base without jeopardizing the terms of his blackmail with Putin.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EOn Thursday, Trump then authorized U.S. forces to drop the \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/2003\/03\/12\/us\/threats-responses-weapons-largest-conventional-bomb-dropped-test-florida.html\" target=\"_blank\"\u003Emost powerful conventional bomb\u003C\/a\u003E in their arsenal on an ISIS stronghold in Afghanistan on Thursday. Hours later, intelligence officials told NBC News that the U.S. had positioned two destroyers within \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/www.nbcnews.com\/news\/world\/u-s-may-launch-strike-if-north-korea-reaches-nuclear-n746366\" target=\"_blank\"\u003Estriking distance of North Korean nuclear sites\u003C\/a\u003E.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EPolitical analysts and foreign policy experts worry that these bellicose actions could incite, rather than quell, greater violence from U.S. enemies. As the New York Times reported: “American commanders in Iraq and Syria have been given more authority to call in strikes, a loosening of the reins that began in the last month of the Obama administration. But some national security experts said that Mr. Trump and the Pentagon risked inflaming anti-American sentiment in the Muslim world with their approach to fighting the Islamic State.”\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003ERepresentatives for Press Secretary Sean Spicer agreed. “That’s what we’re hoping to achieve,” said Irwin Furston, a member of Spicer’s team. “And sooner rather than later. If we can’t get a full-fledged, extinction-level event going in the next month or so, the Department of Justice is going to finish their report on Trump’s collusion with Russia, after which point he’ll probably die in jail. We’re doing everything we can to make sure the world is blinded to the results of that probe. Literally. A few nukes should do the trick.”\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003ESpicer was unavailable for comment as he had scheduled a belated \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/time.com\/4735650\/sean-spicer-sheldon-adelson-holocaust\/\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ESeder dinner with Sheldon Adelson\u003C\/a\u003E, the face of Judaism and undisputed icon of Jewish values, to apologize for his appalling defense of Hitler. \u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ch3\u003EThe Glorious Fog of War: Shrouding Failures and Embarrassments\u003C\/h3\u003EThe mounting evidence to suggest that most Trump campaign officials colluded with Russia to hack the election grows each day. The probe has claimed several victims already. Michael Flynn was forced to resign his post. \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/2017\/03\/attorney-general-jeff-sessions-russia.html\" target=\"_blank\"\u003EJeff Sessions\u003C\/a\u003E and \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/2017\/03\/white-house-intrusion-devin-nunes.html\" target=\"_blank\"\u003EDevin Nunes\u003C\/a\u003E have been pressured to recuse themselves. As the Associated Press learned, Paul Manafort, Trump’s erstwhile campaign manager, is trying to \u003Ca href=\"https:\/\/www.apnews.com\/861959fa610147b49bc9d5f2b25a0ce8?utm_campaign=SocialFlow\u0026amp;utm_source=Twitter\u0026amp;utm_medium=AP\" target=\"_blank\"\u003Eretroactively register himself under the Foreign Agents Registration Act\u003C\/a\u003E to avoid legal repercussions for lying about being on the payroll of a foreign government.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EAnd then the Guardian dropped the bombshell that United States intelligence officials have “\u003Ca href=\"https:\/\/www.theguardian.com\/uk-news\/2017\/apr\/13\/british-spies-first-to-spot-trump-team-links-russia\" target=\"_blank\"\u003Econcrete evidence\u003C\/a\u003E” of Trump’s collusion with Russia.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cblockquote\u003EOne source suggested the official [American] investigation was making progress. “They now have specific concrete and corroborative evidence of collusion,” the source said. “This is between people in the Trump campaign and agents of [Russian] influence relating to the use of hacked material.”\u003C\/blockquote\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E“Trying to provoke an all-out nuclear war is our administration’s only option at this point,” Furston said. “It’s the mother of all nuclear options. Let’s face it, we’ve been lucky enough as it is. Despite Trump’s lies and idiocy and lack of knowledge on any key issues, he hasn’t truly been exposed yet for the absolute fraud he is. Republicans have tolerated his \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/2017\/03\/health-care-overhaul-vote-delayed.html\" target=\"_blank\"\u003Ebotched health care bill\u003C\/a\u003E, his \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/2017\/03\/trump-budget-fascist-marine-sanctuaries.html\" target=\"_blank\"\u003Eridiculous budget\u003C\/a\u003E, his \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/2017\/01\/trump-mexico-border-wall-taxes.html\" target=\"_blank\"\u003Eimaginary border wall\u003C\/a\u003E, his vicious attacks against Native Americans to \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/2017\/03\/executive-order-climate-change-jobs.html\" target=\"_blank\"\u003Ecreate 35 jobs\u003C\/a\u003E, his countless business failures and bankruptcies, and his overall illegitimacy as a president and person. This man, if you can even call him that, is a scatalogical King Midas -- everything he touches turns to utter s**t. But when this Russian scandal breaks, and Americans realize they’ve put a traitor in control of the nation’s highest office, well his ego can’t recover from that. Our only option is to scrap everything and start over with a clean, albeit radioactive, slate.”\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EFurston said that Trump’s closest military advisers are also planning incursions into Iran, China, Germany, Cuba and Libya next week. \u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E“We’re calling it Operation NOW,” he added. “President Trump came up with it. He called it an acronym for ‘no witnesses.’”\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ci\u003E(c) 2017. Licensed under a \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc\/3.0\/deed.en_US\" rel=\"license\"\u003ECreative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License\u003C\/a\u003E. All articles are works of satire. See \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/p\/company.html\"\u003Edisclaimers\u003C\/a\u003E.\u003C\/i\u003E"},"link":[{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7536322267119235073\/posts\/default\/3831138960157560051"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7536322267119235073\/posts\/default\/3831138960157560051"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/2017\/04\/trump-desperate-world-war-russia.html","title":"White House Says Trump Desperate to Start World War III Before Russia Investigation Ends"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"BC Bass"},"uri":{"$t":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/profile\/03955077314348723159"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$image":{"rel":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail","width":"23","height":"32","src":"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/-MIYHN6OoEwc\/U2l7x9al6lI\/AAAAAAAAWqI\/RQs7GfIsfto\/s1600\/*"}}],"media$thumbnail":{"xmlns$media":"http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/","url":"https:\/\/2.bp.blogspot.com\/-KTlGBdO5F_c\/WPBRoz5ZX4I\/AAAAAAAAprs\/PH-tVMLCIuAVNuHamGd7RU8ueGb6xvyOACLcB\/s72-c\/trump-world-war-iii-russia.jpg","height":"72","width":"72"}},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536322267119235073.post-3798117076817951972"},"published":{"$t":"2016-10-06T18:08:00.001-07:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2016-10-17T17:36:26.543-07:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Countdown to the End Time"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"gay rights"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"god"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"hurricane matthew"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Nation"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"natural disaster"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"pence"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"Pence Warns Hurricane Matthew Is Lord's Wrath, Calls for Sacrifice to Appease Angry God"},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"\u003Cdiv class=\"separator\" style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"\u003E\u003Ca href=\"https:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/-n7PNXYMJAzo\/V_b1SEQ8MuI\/AAAAAAAAeLA\/CCW75QZxR3UdEPrmGDk-yorr4MAcEUC6ACLcB\/s1600\/hurricane-matthew-god.jpg\" imageanchor=\"1\" style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\"\u003E\u003Cimg alt=\"pence-hurricane-matthew-gods-wrath\" border=\"0\" height=\"480\" src=\"https:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/-n7PNXYMJAzo\/V_b1SEQ8MuI\/AAAAAAAAeLA\/CCW75QZxR3UdEPrmGDk-yorr4MAcEUC6ACLcB\/s640\/hurricane-matthew-god.jpg\" title=\"hurricane-matthew-god\" width=\"640\" \/\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003C\/div\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cb\u003ESAN NARCISO, Calif.\u003C\/b\u003E (\u003Ci\u003EBennington Vale Evening Transcript\u003C\/i\u003E) -- As Hurricane Matthew roars across the Caribbean, leaving a body count of 113 in its wake, millions of Americans in the South are evacuating. The warnings from government leaders, weather agencies and media have been dire. The category 4 storm could increase to a 5 as it approaches Florida, with winds over 165 miles-per-hour. However, conservative pundits such as Matt Drudge and Rush Limbaugh are placing lives in jeopardy by downplaying the risks of the hurricane. The DrudgeReport has prominently discounted the threat as hype promoted by liberal politicians to overstate the effects of climate change. Yet in another awkward departure from extremist Republican talking points, vice presidential candidate Mike Pence called the danger real. “Gov. Pence doesn’t believe in man-made climate change,” a spokesperson said, “but he does believe in God, man’s choice to sin as a rump-lusting sodomite, and the Lord’s will to use every arrow in His quiver to wipe out that scourge.”\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ca name='more'\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E“Because Tim Kaine spent the entire debate interrupting Gov. Pence, he was never able to address the troublesome topic of the Almighty’s proven wrath against gays,” the spokesperson added. “That’s what Hurricane Matthew is. So our next vice president is urging all clean-living heterosexuals to follow the advice of emergency personnel. Everyone else, feel free to listen to Drudge and Rush.”\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ch3\u003EDrudge Dredging Up Climate Conspiracies\u003C\/h3\u003EMatt Drudge curates one of the most widely read conservative websites in the nation, the DrudgeReport. He’s made audacious and outlandish claims before, but his latest attack serves a reckless, ego-centric agenda more than the wellbeing of his readers. As Media Matters for America \u003Ca href=\"https:\/\/mediamatters.org\/blog\/2016\/10\/06\/matt-drudge-peddles-irresponsible-conspiracy-theory-downplaying-deadly-hurricane-matthew\/213599\" target=\"_blank\"\u003Eobserves\u003C\/a\u003E, Drudge’s statements “irresponsibly peddled a conspiracy theory that federal officials have exaggerated the danger posed by Hurricane Matthew ‘to make exaggerated point on climate.’”\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EWhile Pence agrees that fear-mongering liberals are attempting to capitalize on bogus environmental perils, he cautions against making light of natural disasters. Crastor “Dutch” Goodwick, Pence’s environment adviser, confirms that ecological conditions are worsening. The problem is that scientists are ignoring the real cause: gays and uppity womenfolk.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E“Our religious leaders, people like Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell and Rush Limbaugh, understood that catastrophes such as this are sent by God to punish sinners,” a distraught Goodwick said. “To appease our vengeful deity, GOP leaders who are serious about the preservation of life should be contemplating desperate actions.”\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EGoodwick called Trump’s reversal on LGBT rights one of the most important steps in making America safe from its outraged deity again.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ch3\u003ETrump Pledges to Legalize Religious Discrimination\u003C\/h3\u003EBefore hitting the campaign trail, Donald Trump positioned himself as a moderate on LGBT issues. However, after collaborating with Pence, Trump grew to realize the error of his ways. In 2015, for example, Trump stated that \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/www.pinknews.co.uk\/2015\/08\/17\/donald-trump-wont-fire-people-for-being-gay\/\" target=\"_blank\"\u003Epeople should never be fired\u003C\/a\u003E because of their sexual orientation. His aides confessed that Trump now regrets that decision and seeks to make amends with the Lord.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EOn September 23, Trump announced that his administration would protect decent Americans from malicious homosexuals, whom he also accused of masterminding the rash of Creepy Clown sightings -- as well as rashes of all sorts. He vowed to sign the controversial \u003Ca href=\"https:\/\/www.congress.gov\/bill\/114th-congress\/house-bill\/2802\" target=\"_blank\"\u003EFirst Amendment Defense Act\u003C\/a\u003E, which bans the government from taking any “action against a person, wholly or partially on the basis that such person believes or acts in accordance with a religious belief or moral conviction that marriage is or should be recognized as the union of one man and one woman, or that sexual relations are properly reserved to such a marriage.”\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EPence’s camp commended the aggressive stance. Not every gay, Goodwick said, is a self-loathing and defiant Satanist like \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/2012\/05\/obama-hopes-gay-marriage-support-helps.html\" target=\"_blank\"\u003EBarney Frank\u003C\/a\u003E: “Sure, Barney had it easier than most being a Democrat. Think about how much worse it was for Republicans -- people like James West, Bob Bauman, Jon Hinson, Mark Foley, Ted Haggard, Larry Craig, Bob Allen, Glenn Murphy Jr., and countless others. At least they had the good sense to cover their shame, deny their sins to their Creator and attempt to live a Christian lie with wives that physically sicken their entire being.”\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EIn a statement released Thursday, Pence reminded his supporters that freedom is seldom free. \u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cblockquote\u003EThere are desperate times when leaders are called upon to be brave, and make the hard choices for the good of the many. Sometimes, reducing liberties for some ensures freedom for all. What we need now is to make a few compromises. Dirty whores, militant minorities and the LGBT community will have to give back to God. That means giving up their flagrant acts of disobedience. To gays and lesbians and people confused about their genitals, I say, \"Look, you can be the most equal queers smoldering on the cinder, or you can lose some of your so-called civil protections and live.”\u003C\/blockquote\u003E\u003Ch3\u003EDispleasing the Whiny to Appease the Almighty\u003C\/h3\u003EOn behalf of the Pence campaign, Dutch Goodwick expressed the need for Republican leaders to embrace the dire call for “Old Testament remedies.”\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E“We’ve done everything we were supposed to. We hated all the right people,” Goodwick told reporters. “But His displeasure can’t be ignored, especially with the symbolism of the name Matthew. This storm has undeniably biblical implications. We’re losing the war against women -- the apple-eating temptresses who got us expelled from Paradise. Our laws allow these inconstant harlots to make choices. Choices like abortion. That’s state-sponsored murder!\" \u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EGoodwick also criticized Republicans for stumbling in their war against gay marriage, which has allowed President Obama to turn the U.S. military into a “modern day -- and heavily armed -- Sodom.”\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E“Naming the hurricane Matthew is no coincidence; it’s divine providence,” Goodwick said. He offered a quote from Matthew 19:4-5.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cblockquote\u003EHave you not read that the One who made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh?” Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man rend asunder.\u003C\/blockquote\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E“We live in a society where lawmakers willfully pervert and dismiss the one true law by allowing same-sex couples to become one flesh,” Goodwick clarified. “And now God is tearing us asunder.”\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EIn the Old Testament, God ordered Abraham to sacrifice his son Isaac as a test of faith. As another of the Lord’s catastrophic hurricanes bears down on a morally bankrupt nation, Goodwick emphasized the need for political leaders to follow Abraham’s footsteps as the only logical recourse available to appeasing God and ending the storm.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E“Individuals in the affected regions with questionable voting records, which cover considerations of sympathy for homosexuals or funding for Family Planning, should be cordoned off into makeshift holding areas immediately,” Goodwick advised. “Those who admit to never having eaten a Chick-fil-A sandwich, and those who did not vote to replace the teaching of science with the study of creationism, should be sacrificed first.” \u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EThere is currently no indication of how many sacrificial lambs may be led to the slaughter, but as Matthew continues its ominous trek toward the mainland, it’s clear that much more must be done.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ci\u003E(c) 2016. Licensed under a \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc\/3.0\/deed.en_US\" rel=\"license\"\u003ECreative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License\u003C\/a\u003E. All articles are works of satire. See \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/p\/company.html\"\u003Edisclaimers\u003C\/a\u003E.\u003C\/i\u003E"},"link":[{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7536322267119235073\/posts\/default\/3798117076817951972"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7536322267119235073\/posts\/default\/3798117076817951972"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/2016\/10\/pence-hurricane-matthew-gods-wrath.html","title":"Pence Warns Hurricane Matthew Is Lord's Wrath, Calls for Sacrifice to Appease Angry God"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"BC Bass"},"uri":{"$t":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/profile\/03955077314348723159"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$image":{"rel":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail","width":"23","height":"32","src":"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/-MIYHN6OoEwc\/U2l7x9al6lI\/AAAAAAAAWqI\/RQs7GfIsfto\/s1600\/*"}}],"media$thumbnail":{"xmlns$media":"http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/","url":"https:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/-n7PNXYMJAzo\/V_b1SEQ8MuI\/AAAAAAAAeLA\/CCW75QZxR3UdEPrmGDk-yorr4MAcEUC6ACLcB\/s72-c\/hurricane-matthew-god.jpg","height":"72","width":"72"}},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536322267119235073.post-5812771661416181203"},"published":{"$t":"2012-12-31T11:54:00.000-08:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2012-12-31T19:22:19.492-08:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"apocalypse"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Countdown to the End Time"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"dick clark"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Economy"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"fiscal cliff"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"holidays"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"mayan calendar"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Nation"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"new years eve"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"satire"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"Narrowly Surviving the Mayan Apocalypse, Millions of Americans Fear 2013 Won't Come without Dick Clark"},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"\u003Cdiv class=\"separator\" style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"\u003E\u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/--4d34lBR9FA\/UOHsAwm0aVI\/AAAAAAAAI-s\/IunBDwMkYHI\/s1600\/Skull+Ball+2013.jpg\" imageanchor=\"1\" style=\"clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;\"\u003E\u003Cimg border=\"0\" height=\"150\" src=\"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/--4d34lBR9FA\/UOHsAwm0aVI\/AAAAAAAAI-s\/IunBDwMkYHI\/s200\/Skull+Ball+2013.jpg\" width=\"200\" \/\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003C\/div\u003E\u003Cb\u003ESAN NARCISO, Calif.\u003C\/b\u003E (\u003Ci\u003EBennington Vale Evening Transcript\u003C\/i\u003E) -- Dick Clark, the iconic personality behind \"American Bandstand,\" died April 18 at the age of 82. Throughout his career, Clark remained an influential force in popular music. He introduced generations of Americans to megastars from Buddy Holly to Michael Jackson to Madonna. He translated his success into the creation of a pop culture media empire. But Clark truly solidified his presence as a cultural touchstone after becoming the host of the eponymous New Year's Eve specials that ran on ABC for four decades. To viewers around the globe, Dick Clark owned New Year's Eve. Investors agreed. But as millions mourned the passing of \"the world's oldest teenager\" last spring, millions more flooded government offices and churches Monday in sheer terror, demanding to know if 2013 would come without Clark. Authorities have refused to comment for fear of setting off a chain of riots and suicides.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ca name='more'\u003E\u003C\/a\u003EEschatological beliefs about the end of world in 2012 increased this December as the fated Mayan date and imminent plunge off the fiscal cliff drew near. And although Earth's presaged final days came and went without incident once again, a greater population of Americans have expressed sincere concerns about New Year's Eve 2012 signalling the dreaded blast from Gabriel's trumpet.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EThe modern iteration of this fear appeared to take root shortly before the Y2K scare. This gave way to the Doomsday panic of the Bush presidency, which seemed intent on helping along the Rapture. More recently, End Times prophet Harold Camping did his desperate level-best to see the world perish in famine and plague. And lurking in the background of all these events, almost underscoring them, was the Mayan calendar, which ended on December 21, 2012.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003ETo most, the Mayan drop-dead date was invoked in jest or as an easy plot device for big budget action films. But in late February, when \"Jersey Shores\" star Nicole \"Snooki\" Polizzi announced her pregnancy, even non-believers began earnestly reconsidering their stances on faith.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EThe other grave issue facing Americans is the uncertainty of the economy. Democrats and Republicans have again found themselves at an impasse over a fiscal cliff deal, which is set to expire at midnight. The passing of Dick Clark leaves the fate of 2013 more uncertain than ever before.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\"It's the final nail in the coffin -- maybe literally,\" said Walker Hollywell, professor of Theological Economics at San Narciso College. \"What once seemed inevitable -- that a garishly illuminated ball would take a 10-second plunge down a pole in Times Square to usher in 2013 -- doesn't anymore. There's no Christmas without Christ. There's no New Year without Clark. What if -- just suppose for a moment -- that time couldn't progress without him. I mean, the guy never aged. He must have had some alien control over time. Whatever the reason, we're speeding headlong into oblivion. Or worse.\"\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ci\u003E(c) 2012. See \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/p\/company.html\"\u003Edisclaimers\u003C\/a\u003E.\u003C\/i\u003E"},"link":[{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7536322267119235073\/posts\/default\/5812771661416181203"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7536322267119235073\/posts\/default\/5812771661416181203"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/2012\/12\/narrowly-surviving-mayan-apocalypse.html","title":"Narrowly Surviving the Mayan Apocalypse, Millions of Americans Fear 2013 Won't Come without Dick Clark"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"BC Bass"},"uri":{"$t":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/profile\/03955077314348723159"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$image":{"rel":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail","width":"23","height":"32","src":"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/-MIYHN6OoEwc\/U2l7x9al6lI\/AAAAAAAAWqI\/RQs7GfIsfto\/s1600\/*"}}],"media$thumbnail":{"xmlns$media":"http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/","url":"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/--4d34lBR9FA\/UOHsAwm0aVI\/AAAAAAAAI-s\/IunBDwMkYHI\/s72-c\/Skull+Ball+2013.jpg","height":"72","width":"72"}},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536322267119235073.post-5734045962408379698"},"published":{"$t":"2012-04-18T22:49:00.000-07:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2012-04-18T22:49:33.439-07:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"apocalypse"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"celebrities"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Countdown to the End Time"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"dick clark"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Entertainment"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"mayan calendar"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"new years eve"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Obituaries"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"satire"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"Dick Clark's Death Spurs Concerns That 2013 Won't Come"},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"\u003Ctable cellpadding=\"0\" cellspacing=\"0\" class=\"tr-caption-container\" style=\"float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;\"\u003E\u003Ctbody\u003E\u003Ctr\u003E\u003Ctd style=\"text-align: center;\"\u003E\u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/-Bu3SyuNqXAE\/T4-m1Cjix3I\/AAAAAAAAEpg\/-xKslJ30zUE\/s1600\/DICK-CLARK-AB_320.jpg\" imageanchor=\"1\" style=\"clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;\"\u003E\u003Cimg border=\"0\" height=\"150\" src=\"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/-Bu3SyuNqXAE\/T4-m1Cjix3I\/AAAAAAAAEpg\/-xKslJ30zUE\/s200\/DICK-CLARK-AB_320.jpg\" width=\"200\" \/\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003C\/td\u003E\u003C\/tr\u003E\u003Ctr\u003E\u003Ctd class=\"tr-caption\" style=\"text-align: center;\"\u003ERIP Dick Clark (1929 - 2012)\u003C\/td\u003E\u003C\/tr\u003E\u003C\/tbody\u003E\u003C\/table\u003E\u003Cb\u003ESAN NARCISO, Calif.\u003C\/b\u003E (\u003Ci\u003EBennington Vale Evening Transcript\u003C\/i\u003E) -- Dick Clark, the iconic personality behind \"American Bandstand,\" died Wednesday at the age of 82. Doctors credited the cause of death to a heart attack. Throughout his career, Clark remained an influential force in popular music. He introduced generations of Americans to megastars from Buddy Holly to Michael Jackson to Madonna. He translated his success into the creation of a pop culture media empire. But Clark truly solidified his presence as a cultural touchstone after becoming the host of the eponymous New Year's Eve specials that ran on ABC for four decades. To viewers around the globe, Dick Clark owned New Year's Eve. Investors agreed. But as millions today mourned the passing of \"the world's oldest teenager\" and reflected on his legacy, millions more flooded government offices and churches in sheer terror, demanding to know if 2013 would come without Clark. Authorities have refused to comment for fear of setting off a chain of riots and suicides.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ca name='more'\u003E\u003C\/a\u003EEschatological beliefs about the end of world in 2012 have increased as the fated date draws near. The modern iteration of this fear appeared to take root shortly before the Y2K scare. This gave way to the Doomsday panic of the Bush presidency, which seemed intent on helping along the Rapture. More recently, End Times prophet Harold Camping did his desperate level-best to see the world perish in famine and plague. And lurking in the background of all these events, almost underscoring them, has been the Mayan calendar, which ends on December 21, 2012.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003ETo most, the Mayan drop-dead date has been invoked in jest or as an easy plot device for big budget action films. But in late February, when \"Jersey Shores\" star Nicole \"Snooki\" Polizzi announced her pregnancy -- with a due date of December 21, 2012 -- even non-believers began earnestly reconsidering their stances on faith.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EThe passing of Dick Clark leaves the fate of 2013 more uncertain than ever before.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\"It's the final nail in the coffin -- maybe literally,\" said Walker Hollywell, professor of Theological Economics at San Narciso College. \"What once seemed inevitable -- that a garishly illuminated ball would take a 10-second plunge down a pole in Times Square to usher in 2013 -- doesn't anymore. There's no Christmas without Christ. There's no New Year without Clark. What if -- just suppose for a moment -- that time couldn't progress without him. I mean, the guy never aged. He must have had some alien control over time. Whatever the reason, we're speeding headlong into oblivion. Or worse.\"\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cb\u003EIn Related News\u003C\/b\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EDick Clark Productions clarified that doctors cited a \"massive heart attack\" as the cause of Mr. Clark's death. The company was not, as many believed, announcing the band Massive Attack as the headlining act for Rockin' New Year's Eve 2012.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EThe Clark Estate sued Ryan Seacrest for the rights to Dick Clark's remains after Seacrest leaked funeral plans that included suspending the coffin from a pole and counting down its descent to the grave. Lady Gaga, slated to sing Ave Maria following eulogies from Anderson Cooper and Kathy Griffin, called Seacrest's plan \"tacky.\"\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ci\u003E(c) 2012. See \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/p\/company.html\"\u003Edisclaimers\u003C\/a\u003E.\u003C\/i\u003E"},"link":[{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7536322267119235073\/posts\/default\/5734045962408379698"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7536322267119235073\/posts\/default\/5734045962408379698"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/2012\/04\/dick-clarks-death-spurs-concerns-that.html","title":"Dick Clark's Death Spurs Concerns That 2013 Won't Come"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"BC Bass"},"uri":{"$t":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/profile\/11294212194200456876"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$image":{"rel":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail","width":"32","height":"30","src":"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/--hCbtvmsMJU\/TvtIS5V0cwI\/AAAAAAAAAAg\/BhScrgRwXlI\/s220\/BVET%2BBret.png"}}],"media$thumbnail":{"xmlns$media":"http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/","url":"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/-Bu3SyuNqXAE\/T4-m1Cjix3I\/AAAAAAAAEpg\/-xKslJ30zUE\/s72-c\/DICK-CLARK-AB_320.jpg","height":"72","width":"72"}},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536322267119235073.post-281097159044196867"},"published":{"$t":"2011-10-21T16:50:00.000-07:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2011-10-21T16:58:26.367-07:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"apocalypse"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"christianity"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Community News"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Countdown to the End Time"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"end of the world"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"family stations"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"harold camping"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"planking"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"satire"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"Harold Camping in Custody After Attacking Plankers He Mistook for Saved Souls"},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"\u003Cdiv class=\"separator\" style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"\u003E\u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/-R-6mdtldBrE\/TqIEvYS20rI\/AAAAAAAADgQ\/3Ph0ZMrV00s\/s1600\/planking+sf.jpg\" imageanchor=\"1\" style=\"clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;\"\u003E\u003Cimg border=\"0\" height=\"150\" src=\"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/-R-6mdtldBrE\/TqIEvYS20rI\/AAAAAAAADgQ\/3Ph0ZMrV00s\/s200\/planking+sf.jpg\" width=\"200\" \/\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003C\/div\u003E\u003Cb\u003ESAN FRANCISCO, Calif.\u003C\/b\u003E (\u003Ci\u003EBennington Vale Evening Transcript\u003C\/i\u003E) -- Representatives of Family Stations issued a public apology Friday evening to the families of eight college students after admitting that an embarrassed and disgruntled Harold Camping attacked them with his cane in Golden Gate Park. Although the precise details of the assault remain sketchy, authorities claim that Camping had requested to be taken to the area to assess the Lord’s loving and merciful slaughter of sinners, as well as His progress in sucking the souls of the pious back to Heaven. \u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E“What Mr. Camping found,” one officer on scene described, “was a group of over 20 college students face down on the lawn. He must have believed that his rapture had begun. When he realized that he’d happened upon an elaborate display of planking, he just went nuts. At this time, we are placing Mr. Camping on a 72-hour mental health hold. None of the students were seriously injured, and no one’s pressing any charges at this time.” \u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ci\u003E(c) 2011. See \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/p\/company.html\"\u003Edisclaimers\u003C\/a\u003E.\u003C\/i\u003E"},"link":[{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7536322267119235073\/posts\/default\/281097159044196867"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7536322267119235073\/posts\/default\/281097159044196867"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/2011\/10\/harold-camping-in-custody-after.html","title":"Harold Camping in Custody After Attacking Plankers He Mistook for Saved Souls"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"BC Bass"},"uri":{"$t":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/profile\/03955077314348723159"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$image":{"rel":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail","width":"23","height":"32","src":"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/-MIYHN6OoEwc\/U2l7x9al6lI\/AAAAAAAAWqI\/RQs7GfIsfto\/s1600\/*"}}],"media$thumbnail":{"xmlns$media":"http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/","url":"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/-R-6mdtldBrE\/TqIEvYS20rI\/AAAAAAAADgQ\/3Ph0ZMrV00s\/s72-c\/planking+sf.jpg","height":"72","width":"72"}},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536322267119235073.post-7038252306264814340"},"published":{"$t":"2011-10-21T12:38:00.000-07:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2011-10-21T12:38:11.781-07:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"apocalypse"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"christianity"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Countdown to the End Time"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"end of the world"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"family stations"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"harold camping"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Nation"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"satire"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"Harold Camping Confirms October 21 Apocalypse Redux, Westboro Baptist Church to Protest Planet’s Funeral"},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"\u003Cdiv class=\"separator\" style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"\u003E\u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/-5c4oktxGKyI\/TcrzfwXChTI\/AAAAAAAACSQ\/Jz96GEcC70E\/s1600\/Harold-Camping.jpg\" imageanchor=\"1\" style=\"clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;\"\u003E\u003Cimg border=\"0\" height=\"200\" src=\"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/-5c4oktxGKyI\/TcrzfwXChTI\/AAAAAAAACSQ\/Jz96GEcC70E\/s200\/Harold-Camping.jpg\" width=\"176\" \/\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003C\/div\u003E\u003Cb\u003ESAN NARCISO, Calif.\u003C\/b\u003E (\u003Ci\u003EBennington Vale Evening Transcript\u003C\/i\u003E) -- Family Stations’ End Time prophet, Harold Camping, has been unusually silent since his May 21 rapture prediction failed to materialize in the terrifying manner he envisioned. At that time, he rationalized the anticlimactic event as a “spiritual rapture,” in which sinners were placed on God’s naughty list while those slated for salvation were duly noted on His nice list. “More than ‘thy rod and thy staff,’ it seems that the Lord operates more bureaucratically,” said a spokesperson for Family Stations. “I guess you could look at it more from the perspective of ‘thy clipboard and thy form in triplicate.’ God may not play dice, as they say, but it seems that He’s a stickler for lists, process optimization and organizational best practices.”\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ca name='more'\u003E\u003C\/a\u003EBack in May, Camping described a very corporeal apocalypse, featuring angels with bloody wings and a landscape strewn with carnage: “Judgment Day is feared by the world and is the day that God will destroy the world because of the sins of mankind. There’s no greater expression of the Lord’s undying love than tearing apart billions of men, women, and children through a series of excruciating terrors, drawn out over a five-month period of ongoing torture. As warrior angels descend from the heavens to feast on the entrails of your babies, take comfort in knowing that after their bones have been picked clean, and their screams of anguish have turned to gurgles of blood and despair, a better life awaits them.”\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003ENow, however, Camping has replaced some of his original fire and brimstone with bankruptcy and metaphor. Like the poet T.S. Eliot, Camping feels the world may end in a whimper. He cited the ruin of economies in Greece, the United States, Spain, Italy and other “sodomite” nations where homosexuality runs rampant. Like it or not, Camping explained, more devout regions in the Middle East enjoy solid financial positions “because, as Iran’s president said, they have no gays there. I mean, Greece practically invented gay. And America’s political system is based on the ramblings of Plato, so our entire foundation is gay.”\u0026nbsp;He also mentioned the minor earthquake that shook Berkeley, Calif., this morning, noting its proximity to San Francisco.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003ECritics again dismissed Camping’s prophesies, illustrating that Camping suffered a stroke in June but was not taken to Heaven, calling into doubt his own credentials with the Almighty.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EStill, adopting a “better safe than sorry” mentality, Piers Addleson’s Pea House will be offering a “last meal” special until the world ends this evening (“Get Your Last Meal Here -- It’s Your Last Rite”). Local retailers will also be selling their remaining \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/2011\/05\/day-three-of-may-21-apocalypse.html\"\u003ERapture Kits\u003C\/a\u003E left over from May, at discounted prices. \u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EAnd although skeptical, principals at the Westboro Baptist Church decided to hedge their bets by releasing a call for supporters to gather this evening and organize a protest for the six billion funerals likely to take place should the Lord decide to end the world. The controversial church also erected a giant pole outside its Kansas headquarters to count down the End Time in a fashion similar to the glowing ball over Times Square on New Year’s Eve. Their structure features a life-sized crucifix with an effigy of Harold Camping in drag that will begin its descent around 6:00 p.m. local time.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ci\u003E(c) 2011. See \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/p\/company.html\"\u003Edisclaimers\u003C\/a\u003E.\u003C\/i\u003E"},"link":[{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7536322267119235073\/posts\/default\/7038252306264814340"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7536322267119235073\/posts\/default\/7038252306264814340"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/2011\/10\/harold-camping-confirms-october-21.html","title":"Harold Camping Confirms October 21 Apocalypse Redux, Westboro Baptist Church to Protest Planet’s Funeral"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"BC Bass"},"uri":{"$t":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/profile\/03955077314348723159"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$image":{"rel":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail","width":"23","height":"32","src":"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/-MIYHN6OoEwc\/U2l7x9al6lI\/AAAAAAAAWqI\/RQs7GfIsfto\/s1600\/*"}}],"media$thumbnail":{"xmlns$media":"http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/","url":"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/-5c4oktxGKyI\/TcrzfwXChTI\/AAAAAAAACSQ\/Jz96GEcC70E\/s72-c\/Harold-Camping.jpg","height":"72","width":"72"}},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536322267119235073.post-1983600947412335741"},"published":{"$t":"2011-05-20T06:00:00.000-07:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2011-05-20T16:28:23.112-07:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"apocalypse"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Community News"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Countdown to the End Time"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"end of the world"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"music"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"satire"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"Day Eight of May 21 Apocalypse: KCUF Radio's \"End of Days\" Play List"},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"\u003Cb\u003ESAN NARCISO, Calif.\u003C\/b\u003E -- Wendell “Mucho” Maas -- operator of KCUF radio in San Narciso County, and contributing music editor for \u003Ci\u003EThe Bennington Vale Evening Transcript\u003C\/i\u003E -- has put together an eclectic Judgment Day playlist to help fritter away the hours until the end. Tune in to KCUF for more apocalypse-themed songs, which will begin broadcasting at 6:00 a.m. on Saturday, May 21. Programming will conclude, along with the rest of the world, at 6:00 p.m.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ciframe frameborder=\"0\" height=\"451\" src=\"https:\/\/docs.google.com\/present\/embed?id=dc2wjqsh_476fq5xm2dv\u0026amp;size=m\" width=\"535\"\u003E\u003C\/iframe\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ci\u003E(c) 2011. All stories are works of satire and parody.\u003C\/i\u003E"},"link":[{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7536322267119235073\/posts\/default\/1983600947412335741"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7536322267119235073\/posts\/default\/1983600947412335741"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/2011\/05\/day-eight-of-may-21-apocalypse-kcuf.html","title":"Day Eight of May 21 Apocalypse: KCUF Radio's \"End of Days\" Play List"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"BC Bass"},"uri":{"$t":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/profile\/03955077314348723159"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$image":{"rel":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail","width":"23","height":"32","src":"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/-MIYHN6OoEwc\/U2l7x9al6lI\/AAAAAAAAWqI\/RQs7GfIsfto\/s1600\/*"}}]},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536322267119235073.post-4568427709069453717"},"published":{"$t":"2011-05-19T11:04:00.000-07:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2011-05-19T11:04:27.698-07:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"apocalypse"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"bible"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"christianity"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Countdown to the End Time"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"end of the world"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"family stations"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"google doodle"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"harold camping"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"heaven"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"News in Photos"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"rapture"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"satire"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"News in Photos: Google to Release \"Doomsday Doodle\" for May 21 Apocalypse"},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"\u003Ctable align=\"center\" cellpadding=\"0\" cellspacing=\"0\" class=\"tr-caption-container\" style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;\"\u003E\u003Ctbody\u003E\u003Ctr\u003E\u003Ctd style=\"text-align: center;\"\u003E\u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/-lF6IiMfUJRQ\/TdVVsk6av3I\/AAAAAAAAB4o\/GErLUv3pdGw\/s1600\/Google+Doomsday+Doodle.png\" imageanchor=\"1\" style=\"margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;\"\u003E\u003Cimg border=\"0\" height=\"318\" src=\"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/-lF6IiMfUJRQ\/TdVVsk6av3I\/AAAAAAAAB4o\/GErLUv3pdGw\/s400\/Google+Doomsday+Doodle.png\" width=\"400\" \/\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003C\/td\u003E\u003C\/tr\u003E\u003Ctr\u003E\u003Ctd class=\"tr-caption\" style=\"text-align: center;\"\u003EClick to enlarge\u003C\/td\u003E\u003C\/tr\u003E\u003C\/tbody\u003E\u003C\/table\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EWith Judgment Day nearly upon us, Google has created a very special Doodle -- the last of its kind -- to commemorate its successes and loyal user community. A company spokesperson said, \"It's hard to believe we must part so soon, but search for us in Heaven. We're not sure about access to technology in the sweet hereafter, but we're confident that voice and image searches can still be conducted. We thank you all. By having access to your data, we feel that we've really gotten to know you intimately...perhaps better than your own families. You will be missed. Rest assured, we never sold any of your search information to marketing companies. Good luck in Hell, Facebook.\"\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ci\u003E(c) 2011. All stories are works of satire and parody.\u003C\/i\u003E"},"link":[{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7536322267119235073\/posts\/default\/4568427709069453717"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7536322267119235073\/posts\/default\/4568427709069453717"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/2011\/05\/news-in-photos-google-to-release.html","title":"News in Photos: Google to Release \"Doomsday Doodle\" for May 21 Apocalypse"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"BC Bass"},"uri":{"$t":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/profile\/03955077314348723159"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$image":{"rel":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail","width":"23","height":"32","src":"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/-MIYHN6OoEwc\/U2l7x9al6lI\/AAAAAAAAWqI\/RQs7GfIsfto\/s1600\/*"}}],"media$thumbnail":{"xmlns$media":"http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/","url":"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/-lF6IiMfUJRQ\/TdVVsk6av3I\/AAAAAAAAB4o\/GErLUv3pdGw\/s72-c\/Google+Doomsday+Doodle.png","height":"72","width":"72"}}]}});