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fiction"},{"term":"scotland"},{"term":"scott forstall"},{"term":"scottish nationalist party"},{"term":"scrabble"},{"term":"sea monkeys"},{"term":"sean hoare"},{"term":"seasonal affective disorder"},{"term":"secession"},{"term":"secret service"},{"term":"segregation"},{"term":"selenelion"},{"term":"senior citizens"},{"term":"serene branson"},{"term":"sexual harassment"},{"term":"shaken baby syndrome"},{"term":"shanty town"},{"term":"sharknado"},{"term":"shellie zimmerman"},{"term":"ship"},{"term":"sids"},{"term":"signs"},{"term":"silly putty"},{"term":"sinead o'connor"},{"term":"singer"},{"term":"sinkhole"},{"term":"sleeping"},{"term":"slot car racing"},{"term":"sloth"},{"term":"smartwatch"},{"term":"smithsonian"},{"term":"snake handling"},{"term":"snow"},{"term":"soccer"},{"term":"social anxiety disorder"},{"term":"software"},{"term":"solar eclipse"},{"term":"solar panels"},{"term":"sopa"},{"term":"sothebys"},{"term":"sotomayor"},{"term":"south carolina"},{"term":"space"},{"term":"spacewalk"},{"term":"spacex"},{"term":"spending"},{"term":"sperm donor"},{"term":"spielberg"},{"term":"spring"},{"term":"spring cleaning"},{"term":"st. patricks day"},{"term":"stalking"},{"term":"stamps"},{"term":"standard and poors"},{"term":"standardized testing"},{"term":"stanley cup"},{"term":"state of the union"},{"term":"statuary hall"},{"term":"stem cell"},{"term":"stephen hawking"},{"term":"stericycle"},{"term":"steven moffat"},{"term":"stevie johnson"},{"term":"stock car"},{"term":"strauss-kahn"},{"term":"street performer"},{"term":"stress"},{"term":"strip search"},{"term":"stroke"},{"term":"sudan"},{"term":"sudden acceleration"},{"term":"sudden infant death syndrome"},{"term":"suffocation"},{"term":"super heroes"},{"term":"superman"},{"term":"supermodel"},{"term":"surgical implants"},{"term":"survivor"},{"term":"susan g komen"},{"term":"susan powell"},{"term":"sweatshop"},{"term":"swimmer"},{"term":"t-mobile"},{"term":"talk show"},{"term":"tamerlan tsarnaev"},{"term":"tank players"},{"term":"tardis"},{"term":"target"},{"term":"tarp"},{"term":"tattoo"},{"term":"ted haggard"},{"term":"telecommuting"},{"term":"tennessee"},{"term":"testicles"},{"term":"thailand"},{"term":"the artist"},{"term":"the bachelorette"},{"term":"the master"},{"term":"the secret"},{"term":"the smiths"},{"term":"the view"},{"term":"ticket blaster"},{"term":"tiger"},{"term":"tim burton"},{"term":"tim mcgraw"},{"term":"time machine"},{"term":"time magazine"},{"term":"time warner"},{"term":"timex"},{"term":"tina fey"},{"term":"tobacco"},{"term":"toilets"},{"term":"tolstoy"},{"term":"tom coburn"},{"term":"tom delay"},{"term":"torrents"},{"term":"tourettes"},{"term":"tower of babel"},{"term":"tracy morgan"},{"term":"trampling"},{"term":"transplant"},{"term":"transportation"},{"term":"trash"},{"term":"treason"},{"term":"trespassing"},{"term":"trial"},{"term":"tripping"},{"term":"trojan horse"},{"term":"tropical storm"},{"term":"tucker carlson"},{"term":"tumor"},{"term":"tupac"},{"term":"turtles"},{"term":"twilight"},{"term":"tylenol"},{"term":"tyler perry"},{"term":"ufo"},{"term":"ugly betty"},{"term":"ultrasound"},{"term":"uncle fester"},{"term":"unconstitutional"},{"term":"underwater"},{"term":"underwear"},{"term":"united"},{"term":"universal studios orlando"},{"term":"university of florida"},{"term":"unsimulated sex"},{"term":"uppleva"},{"term":"urban development"},{"term":"usps"},{"term":"uzi"},{"term":"v for victory"},{"term":"vegetable"},{"term":"verizon"},{"term":"veterans day"},{"term":"video surveillance"},{"term":"vikings"},{"term":"virginia tech"},{"term":"vitamin d"},{"term":"vivid entertainment"},{"term":"watches"},{"term":"watson"},{"term":"wealthy"},{"term":"weapon"},{"term":"were a culture not a costume"},{"term":"whistleblower"},{"term":"whitney houston"},{"term":"wichita lineman"},{"term":"wikipedia"},{"term":"windows 8"},{"term":"wiretapping"},{"term":"wiz khalifa"},{"term":"wizarding world"},{"term":"wizards of waverly place"},{"term":"wolf blitzer"},{"term":"womens health and safety act"},{"term":"world cup"},{"term":"world health organization"},{"term":"wwdc"},{"term":"x-ray specs"},{"term":"xbox"},{"term":"xenu"},{"term":"yankees"},{"term":"yogurt"},{"term":"young lee"},{"term":"yoyodyne"},{"term":"zack snyder"},{"term":"zodiac"},{"term":"zoe lofgren"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"The Bennington Vale Evening Transcript"},"subtitle":{"type":"html","$t":"San Narciso County's Premier Source for Local, California and World News"},"link":[{"rel":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#feed","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/feeds\/posts\/default"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7536322267119235073\/posts\/default\/-\/satire?alt=json-in-script\u0026max-results=8"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/search\/label\/satire"},{"rel":"hub","href":"http://pubsubhubbub.appspot.com/"},{"rel":"next","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7536322267119235073\/posts\/default\/-\/satire\/-\/satire?alt=json-in-script\u0026start-index=9\u0026max-results=8"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"BC Bass"},"uri":{"$t":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/profile\/03955077314348723159"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$image":{"rel":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail","width":"23","height":"32","src":"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/-MIYHN6OoEwc\/U2l7x9al6lI\/AAAAAAAAWqI\/RQs7GfIsfto\/s1600\/*"}}],"generator":{"version":"7.00","uri":"http://www.blogger.com","$t":"Blogger"},"openSearch$totalResults":{"$t":"655"},"openSearch$startIndex":{"$t":"1"},"openSearch$itemsPerPage":{"$t":"8"},"entry":[{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536322267119235073.post-1845866435917501261"},"published":{"$t":"2014-12-06T13:42:00.002-08:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2014-12-06T13:42:57.142-08:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"christmas"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Community News"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"events"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"holidays"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"parade"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"police"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"racism"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"satire"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"Annual Christmas Parade Safety Rules for a Magical 2014 Holiday Experience"},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"\u003Cdiv class=\"separator\" style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"\u003E\u003C\/div\u003E\u003Cdiv class=\"separator\" style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"\u003E\u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/2.bp.blogspot.com\/--FwSqAJqf-4\/VIN2fgns58I\/AAAAAAAAYxI\/7iPQF36wTC8\/s1600\/Bennington%2BVale%2BHoliday%2BParade%2B2014.png\" imageanchor=\"1\" style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\"\u003E\u003Cimg border=\"0\" src=\"http:\/\/2.bp.blogspot.com\/--FwSqAJqf-4\/VIN2fgns58I\/AAAAAAAAYxI\/7iPQF36wTC8\/s1600\/Bennington%2BVale%2BHoliday%2BParade%2B2014.png\" height=\"470\" width=\"640\" \/\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003C\/div\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cb\u003EPUBLIC SAFETY ANNOUNCEMENT\u003C\/b\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cb\u003ESAN NARCISO, Calif.\u0026nbsp;\u003C\/b\u003E(\u003Ci\u003EBennington Vale Evening Transcript\u003C\/i\u003E) -- It's that time of year again! The Annual Bennington Vale Christmas Parade is scheduled for Saturday, December 6, 2014. Sidewalks CANNOT be reserved with personal property, which includes unattended children and the elderly, until 5:00 p.m. or 5:30 p.m. if center medians are used. The parade route spans Maxwell Street, Cape Horn Avenue and Tragic Courier’s Way, ending at Lake Inverarity’s Fangoso Lagoons. The estimated duration of the event is three hours. \u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cb\u003ESpecial Safety Procedures for Large, Unarmed Black Teens\u003C\/b\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EAs a special reminder, due to the increased sensitivity of race relations and the subsequent pressures placed on police agencies across the nation, we ask that all large, slow-moving, unarmed black teens observe heightened safety protocols. A special area has been roped off near the end of the parade route, close to the security station. To avoid confrontations with frightened police officers, always remain seated, preferably on your hands. Do not make any sudden movements, including waving, whistling, smiling, blinking or applauding parade floats and marching bands. Although we advise that you have absolutely nothing in your possession other than identification papers, make sure to have receipts for all items you choose to bring and that they are clearly displayed on the ground beside said items. Remember, by merely standing up you may present a perceived threat to police officers, even from hundreds of feet away.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ca name='more'\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003Cb\u003EOther Personal Items and Human Placeholders\u003C\/b\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EThe placement of personal items along the parade route -- including your children, pets or virtually incapacitated senior citizens -- has in the past created pedestrian and motor vehicle traffic issues, in addition to numerous problems for local businesses. In an effort to prevent accidents or injuries, and in accordance with the Americans with Disabilities Act, personal property or family members serving as human placeholders along the parade route prior to the street closures will be confiscated at the discretion of the San Narciso Police Department and taken to the Heritage Heights Library for pick-up after the event. Please note that all costs incurred from the caring of and cleaning up after your children or elderly will be cited back to you by the City.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EThe public is also reminded that the law strictly prohibits the following activities on City property, and appropriate action will be taken against anyone in violation. Please observe these rules during the event.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cb\u003EBennington Vale Parade Attendance Rules\u003C\/b\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/-9I9DcRh5QrE\/TQfHnF9yjvI\/AAAAAAAAXrg\/VRnn8ZCkjAo\/s1600\/Sharps%2BSecure%2BContainer.JPG\" imageanchor=\"1\" style=\"clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;\"\u003E\u003Cimg border=\"0\" src=\"http:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/-9I9DcRh5QrE\/TQfHnF9yjvI\/AAAAAAAAXrg\/VRnn8ZCkjAo\/s1600\/Sharps%2BSecure%2BContainer.JPG\" height=\"200\" width=\"149\" \/\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E* No visible consumption of alcoholic beverages: if consuming alcohol, please have the good sense to conceal the beverages in brown paper bags, coat pockets, children’s “sippy cups,” a pet’s dish or a discreet thermos.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E* No open use of intravenous drugs: specialty SHARPS SECURE containers for safely disposing needles “required for medical treatment” have been installed in the public restrooms. The containers are clearly marked and must be utilized.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E* No cooking, preparing or otherwise purchasing illegal substances such as methamphetamine along the parade route.This includes City Council members, Yoyodyne executives, local clergy and all members of The Tank Players theater group.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E* Public displays of graphic affection, nudity, “dry humping,” any acts with animals that could be construed as sexual, and soliciting prostitutes are against the established Penal Code and will be enforced. Prostitutes, along with the county’s homeless population, will be restricted to the Hobo Gardens area for transients during the parade.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E* Groping other people is also prohibited during the event, with the exception of local TSA employees who may, at their discretion, pat down attendees who appear suspicious or threatening.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E* Echoing the aforementioned ordinance, the City Council reminds its gay citizens that this is a holiday parade only; not any other kind of parade. Appropriate consideration and restraint should be exercised during the event.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E* The event is truly a universal Holiday Parade. The word “Christmas” is a legacy term for the parade, which San Narciso County leased for use by its copyright holder, FOX. A lot of money was paid for this usage, so we cannot in good conscience strike it from the posters or banners. The event welcomes people of all faiths, which in San Narciso County include people of Christian and Jewish persuasions, with some Pagan hold outs. However, visitors of Hindi, Muslim, Shinto, Wicca or other miscellaneous religions are also welcome to celebrate the birth of the Lord’s Only Son without prejudice. Catholics may also attend.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E* Police will monitor the parade route to ensure ABSOLUTELY NO pedestrian traffic on the streets. As we learned last year, the drivers of parade floats have visibility severely more limited than originally believed. We don’t want a repeat of the infamous 2009 “Maxwell Street Massacre.” As such, the Farmer’s Market area will be closed entirely.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E* Curb all pets, including children and the elderly. Specially designed sanitary disposal bags with zipping lock tops are provided next to each street lamp. There are two sizes, the smaller intended for domestic animals (e.g., dogs, cats, etc.).\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E* Public urination is strictly forbidden. Please use one of the public restrooms. If the restrooms become over-crowded by San Narciso’s surprisingly large population of teens requiring intravenous medication, please use an alley. We suggest the one adjacent to the Catholic Church.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E* Yes, drum lines from every school in the District will be marching. Yes, they will probably be playing the same song. No, you probably won’t recognize it. Please refrain from sending strongly worded letters to the City Council. We’ve made our decision.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E* Also relating to the marching bands: taunting, harassing, name calling, throwing objects at, or otherwise physically assaulting male drum majors or flag bearers does constitute a hate crime in San Narciso. You may be reprimanded for engaging in such behavior.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cb\u003ENo Mimes Policy and Additional Information\u003C\/b\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EAs a final note, we have, for a variety of carefully considered reasons, cancelled the mime troupe performance from this and all future parades. Please be safe and pass this message along to family members, friends, neighbors or associates.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EEvent details are posted on the \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/p\/community-events.html\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ECommunity Events Calendar\u003C\/a\u003E. For more information, contact the San Narciso Police Department or the Bennington Vale City Planning Bureau.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ci\u003E2014. Licensed under a \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc\/3.0\/deed.en_US\" rel=\"license\"\u003ECreative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License\u003C\/a\u003E. See \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/p\/company.html\"\u003Edisclaimers\u003C\/a\u003E.\u003C\/i\u003E"},"link":[{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7536322267119235073\/posts\/default\/1845866435917501261"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7536322267119235073\/posts\/default\/1845866435917501261"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/2014\/12\/annual-christmas-parade-safety-rules.html","title":"Annual Christmas Parade Safety Rules for a Magical 2014 Holiday Experience"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"BC Bass"},"uri":{"$t":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/profile\/03955077314348723159"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$image":{"rel":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail","width":"23","height":"32","src":"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/-MIYHN6OoEwc\/U2l7x9al6lI\/AAAAAAAAWqI\/RQs7GfIsfto\/s1600\/*"}}],"media$thumbnail":{"xmlns$media":"http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/","url":"http:\/\/2.bp.blogspot.com\/--FwSqAJqf-4\/VIN2fgns58I\/AAAAAAAAYxI\/7iPQF36wTC8\/s72-c\/Bennington%2BVale%2BHoliday%2BParade%2B2014.png","height":"72","width":"72"}},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536322267119235073.post-3616140949678628947"},"published":{"$t":"2014-07-24T21:00:00.000-07:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2014-07-24T21:00:00.265-07:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"adult entertainment"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Community News"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"dairy"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"education"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"immigration"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"milf"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"satire"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"Fresh Milf? Dairy Apologizes for Misleading Typo on New Logos"},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"\u003Cdiv class=\"separator\" style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"\u003E\u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/2.bp.blogspot.com\/-2X0MSj17Pe8\/U9HWEY_KnkI\/AAAAAAAAX0U\/UEDj6lauF-I\/s1600\/Fresh+Milf+Dairy+Typo.jpg\" imageanchor=\"1\" style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\"\u003E\u003Cimg border=\"0\" src=\"http:\/\/2.bp.blogspot.com\/-2X0MSj17Pe8\/U9HWEY_KnkI\/AAAAAAAAX0U\/UEDj6lauF-I\/s1600\/Fresh+Milf+Dairy+Typo.jpg\" height=\"608\" width=\"640\" \/\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003C\/div\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cb\u003ESAN NARCISO, Calif.\u003C\/b\u003E (\u003Ci\u003EBennington Vale Evening Transcript\u003C\/i\u003E) -- Except for the lactose intolerant, gluten-fearing residents of Santa Calcentines, nearly every household in San Narciso County has its dairy products delivered by Delta Ann’s Dairy Air, which retains the 1950s-era charm of old fashioned trucks, glass bottles and pre-dawn door-to-door services. The heritage of the “milkman” is something the dairy honors and proudly promotes. But the public relations team for Delta Ann’s Dairy Air faced an unexpected backlash of community outrage this Thursday for which it has spent more time milking forgiveness than cows. The issue stems from a typographical error that appeared on the logo of 20 trucks in the new fleet and on the company’s website. Got Milf? That’s what thousands of customers were wondering this morning, as a result. \u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ca name='more'\u003E\u003C\/a\u003ESpokesperson Samantha Risgaard credited the mistake to migrant labor and the nation’s ongoing educational struggles. “I’m not making excuses, but dairy farms are not Wall Street brokerages,” she said. \u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EAccording to Risgaard, agricultural laborers are predominantly less educated and less skilled than the resources in corporate environments. But they still manage to outperform the county’s indigenous population of teens. By Risgaard’s admission, Delta Ann’s Dairy Air has seen its fill of immigrants. Now, she says, it will need to prepare itself for a bunch of unruly, hormonal, inexperienced and impatient teens.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E“Since 2009, we’ve been calling for Congress to address the nation’s immigration and guest-worker laws, but here we are in 2014 without meaningful reform,” Risgaard explained. “Now, the workers who learned English under our programs have been deported back to Riverside County by the DHS. All we have left are the native suburban Caucasians. Given the condition of the state’s school systems and, pardon my assessment, the lazy nature of these kinds of workers, we find ourselves left with a labor force that is virtually illiterate. So this is what happens.”\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EThe unprecedented 44-percent turnover in Delta Ann’s marketing department, caused by deportation issues, has forced the dairy to operate with a skeleton crew of inexperienced, mostly white graduates from local universities and colleges. Risgaard admitted that many of them failed their typing tests and submitted incoherent job applications.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E“They were struggling visibly to grasp the complexities of written English,” Risgaard noted. “Despite their uncanny skills at preparing coffee, they were unable to spell one person’s name correctly on the foam cups. I mean, you could see the frustration and confusion in their faces. You’d think they’d never held a pen or read a book before this. But we needed people, and these were the best we could find.”\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EAs a result, the following update appeared on the company’s website late Wednesday evening: “The Milf Man exists and he continues to serve your milf needs! He works through the wee hours of the morning, delivering farm-fresh milf on doorsteps all over town. Then he goes right back to filling Delta Ann’s Dairy Air with the next morning’s load.”\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EAll 20 of the delivery trucks advertised “Fresh Milf!”\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EAcross San Narciso County and the outlying areas serviced by Delta Ann’s, angry teens, middle-aged men and some state legislators woke before dawn and lined the streets of their neighborhoods to await the arrival of the promised milfs. When the delivery trucks distributed only milk, cheese and yogurt, riots ensued.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EThe entire male populations of San Narciso, Pasadena, Long Beach, Anaheim and Fullerton, Calif., have filed class action suits against the dairy for false advertising. Court dates have yet to be scheduled.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ci\u003E2014. Licensed under a \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc\/3.0\/deed.en_US\" rel=\"license\"\u003ECreative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License\u003C\/a\u003E. See \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/p\/company.html\"\u003Edisclaimers\u003C\/a\u003E.\u003C\/i\u003E"},"link":[{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7536322267119235073\/posts\/default\/3616140949678628947"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7536322267119235073\/posts\/default\/3616140949678628947"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/2014\/07\/fresh-milf-dairy-apologizes-for.html","title":"Fresh Milf? Dairy Apologizes for Misleading Typo on New Logos"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"BC Bass"},"uri":{"$t":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/profile\/03955077314348723159"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$image":{"rel":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail","width":"23","height":"32","src":"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/-MIYHN6OoEwc\/U2l7x9al6lI\/AAAAAAAAWqI\/RQs7GfIsfto\/s1600\/*"}}],"media$thumbnail":{"xmlns$media":"http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/","url":"http:\/\/2.bp.blogspot.com\/-2X0MSj17Pe8\/U9HWEY_KnkI\/AAAAAAAAX0U\/UEDj6lauF-I\/s72-c\/Fresh+Milf+Dairy+Typo.jpg","height":"72","width":"72"}},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536322267119235073.post-7871641120490452427"},"published":{"$t":"2014-07-08T20:23:00.000-07:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2014-07-08T20:23:07.389-07:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"brazil"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"fifa"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"germany"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"nazi"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"satire"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"soccer"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Sports"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"world cup"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"Historic Seconds: Brazil Loses World Cup at Home Again and Germans Hide in South America for Safety"},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"\u003Cdiv class=\"separator\" style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"\u003E\u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/2.bp.blogspot.com\/-Ux48uzUHzg0\/U7y024Fe7MI\/AAAAAAAAXrk\/AOWrOBSnNvE\/s1600\/Germany+FIFA+Blitz+2014.jpg\" imageanchor=\"1\" style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\"\u003E\u003Cimg border=\"0\" src=\"http:\/\/2.bp.blogspot.com\/-Ux48uzUHzg0\/U7y024Fe7MI\/AAAAAAAAXrk\/AOWrOBSnNvE\/s1600\/Germany+FIFA+Blitz+2014.jpg\" height=\"480\" width=\"640\" \/\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003C\/div\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cb\u003ESAN NARCISO, Calif.\u003C\/b\u003E (\u003Ci\u003EBennington Vale Evening Transcript\u003C\/i\u003E) -- For the second time in the nation’s soccer-obsessed history, Brazil saw its hopes of winning a World Cup on home soil dashed. After waiting 64 years and spending nearly $11 billion to host the tournament, Brazil’s forces proved no match for the powerful German blitz. Before 30 minutes had elapsed, invading German troops had launched five successful offensives against Brazil, eventually trampling the host country by a score of seven to one. Sources reported that some Brazilians managed to escape the occupation in tears around halftime, before the Germans razed the area in what was trumpeted as “the final solution to the FIFA problem.” \u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ca name='more'\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003Cb\u003EA Day of Historic Seconds\u003C\/b\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EShortly after the crushing defeat, local officials began reporting incidents of fighting, disturbances and isolated rioting that included setting buses ablaze. Some German officials worried for the safety of their players.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E“It’s an oddly historic day,” confessed Helmut Riegemeister, one of the German squad managers. “It’s the second time in history that Brazil has lost the World Cup in its homeland, and it could be the second time in history that a group of Germans must hide out in Brazil for reasons of personal safety.”\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003ERiegemeister confirmed, however, that the German government had made overtures of assistance to Brazil in the event of widespread civil unrest.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E“As I understand it, Chancellor Merkel phoned President Dilma Rousseff and offered to set up containment and control procedures for any public disruptions, at Germany’s expense,” Riegemeister said. “We are very experienced at suppressing discord. If called upon, we are prepared to set up special compounds to hold offenders, establish train transportation to these camps, segregate sections of the city to protect the inhabitants and even build a giant wall, should it come to that.”\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cb\u003EGerman Brazilians Conflicted About Loss\u003C\/b\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EDespite the national shame and outpouring of grief, many second-generation Brazilians -- whose families had suddenly and inexplicably emigrated to South America from Germany in the late 1940s -- expressed having mixed feelings about the outcome.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EPedro Kriegsverbrecher, a 46-year-old appliance repairman who specializes in industrial ovens, said Germany’s defeat of Brazil left him emotionally conflicted.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E“Like many of my friends and neighbors, I was born in Brazil but my family came here from Germany,” he explained. “They never told us why, they just said there had been some unpleasantness back home involving political disagreements. I feel as though I should join in mourning Brazil’s loss, and yet I also feel happy for my grandfather, Josef. He turned 103 this March and said that watching Germany’s triumphant conquest had restored his pride. Something about righting old wrongs.”\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EKriegsverbrecher also noted that around 1974, his grandfather, a former doctor in Germany, had worked on an educational project to condition a select group of 94 boys from Brazil to become a physical, intellectual and genetically elite corps of men. The program was sabotaged, but its successful completion could have created a future generation of soccer players that would be impossible to defeat, according to statements made by Kriegsverbrecher’s grandfather. \u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ci\u003E2014. Licensed under a \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc\/3.0\/deed.en_US\" rel=\"license\"\u003ECreative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License\u003C\/a\u003E. See \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/p\/company.html\"\u003Edisclaimers\u003C\/a\u003E.\u003C\/i\u003E"},"link":[{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7536322267119235073\/posts\/default\/7871641120490452427"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7536322267119235073\/posts\/default\/7871641120490452427"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/2014\/07\/historic-seconds-brazil-loses-world-cup.html","title":"Historic Seconds: Brazil Loses World Cup at Home Again and Germans Hide in South America for Safety"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"BC Bass"},"uri":{"$t":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/profile\/03955077314348723159"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$image":{"rel":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail","width":"23","height":"32","src":"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/-MIYHN6OoEwc\/U2l7x9al6lI\/AAAAAAAAWqI\/RQs7GfIsfto\/s1600\/*"}}],"media$thumbnail":{"xmlns$media":"http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/","url":"http:\/\/2.bp.blogspot.com\/-Ux48uzUHzg0\/U7y024Fe7MI\/AAAAAAAAXrk\/AOWrOBSnNvE\/s72-c\/Germany+FIFA+Blitz+2014.jpg","height":"72","width":"72"}},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536322267119235073.post-8880421305492684334"},"published":{"$t":"2014-07-07T19:23:00.001-07:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2014-07-07T19:23:06.911-07:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Community News"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"fourth of july"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"gangs"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"holidays"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"independence day"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"police"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"satire"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"Foreign Tourists Mistake LA Gang War for Fourth of July Celebration"},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"\u003Cdiv class=\"separator\" style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"\u003E\u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/-wghgj1i2ExY\/UdeTw7mAZxI\/AAAAAAAARKw\/AEXgBVmYjw0\/s1600\/July+4+Thug.jpg\" imageanchor=\"1\" style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\"\u003E\u003Cimg border=\"0\" src=\"http:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/-wghgj1i2ExY\/UdeTw7mAZxI\/AAAAAAAARKw\/AEXgBVmYjw0\/s1600\/July+4+Thug.jpg\" height=\"426\" width=\"640\" \/\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003C\/div\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cb\u003ESAN NARCISO, Calif.\u003C\/b\u003E (\u003Ci\u003EBennington Vale Evening Transcript\u003C\/i\u003E) -- Towns all across America lit up with fireworks displays Friday to pay homage to the nation's birth on July 4, 1776, when the Declaration of Independence was signed. But whenever pyrotechnics are involved, accidents are never far behind. Injuries and property damage from poorly staged events regularly make the news each year. That's why the strangest Fourth of July story involves a group of foreign tourists who accidentally ended up in the middle of a gang war in Los Angeles, but found the standoff stimulating, historically educational and absent any injuries or chaos.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ca name='more'\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\"Freedom isn't free,\" quipped Sgt. Ren Williams, San Narciso Police Department spokesperson. \"And in many cases, these spectacles are not incident-free. There was a time when average citizens and homesteaders were willing to lay down their lives to protest British oppression, to throw off the shackles of European servitude. So I feel that a July 4 without a few scrapes, bruises and second-degree burns is a bit of a letdown.\"\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EThe tourists were originally en route to San Narciso for the county's unique \"\u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/2014\/07\/tea-party-removes-unpatriotic-fourth-of.html\"\u003EAmerica's Independence from International Co-dependence Day\u003C\/a\u003E\" salute. Local officials call it the only honest American celebration.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\"There was a delegation of Irish and Pakistani tourists who expressed strong interest in our all-American tribute,\" San Narciso Mayor Manny DiPresso said. \"Somehow, their bus took a wrong turn, probably around the North Viaduct area, and ended up in a very unsavory part of Los Angeles. Boyle Heights, I believe.\"\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EBut members of the group, prior to their rescue by LAPD officers, thought they were watching a typical Independence Day event. \"When we got there, we were immediately impressed by the war reenactment,\" said Bilal Pitafi, the representative leading the visitors from Pakistan.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\"It seemed so very American,\" he explained. \"People of different races were fighting for their right to control territory that each claimed dominion over. Then they started shooting, which was very dramatic. Everybody had a gun. Because in America, everybody must carry a firearm. The blood looked quite real, too. And they all represented a variety of religions, which is also a big part of America's melting pot. We saw all manner of iconic holy jewelry -- there were crucifixes, crescents and stars, iron crosses, svastikas and even some satanic pentagrams. This is what makes America great, yes?\"\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EWhen the firefight broke out, the tourists applauded, believing the violence to be part of a fireworks display. Some spectators, those with military experience in Northern Ireland and Pakistan, even took notes, according to witnesses. The Irish delegation called the turf war \"stirring and patriotic,\" but expressed disappointment at missing the simulated attacks on Parliament that were taking place in San Narciso.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EPolice reported that none of the tourists sustained any injuries from the gunfire, knives, raping or hand-to-hand combat. The gang members taken into custody described their unexpected visitors as \"polite, enthusiastic and eager to learn.\"\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ci\u003E2014. Licensed under a \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc\/3.0\/deed.en_US\" rel=\"license\"\u003ECreative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License\u003C\/a\u003E. See \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/p\/company.html\"\u003Edisclaimers\u003C\/a\u003E.\u003C\/i\u003E"},"link":[{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7536322267119235073\/posts\/default\/8880421305492684334"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7536322267119235073\/posts\/default\/8880421305492684334"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/2014\/07\/foreign-tourists-mistake-la-gang-war.html","title":"Foreign Tourists Mistake LA Gang War for Fourth of July Celebration"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"BC Bass"},"uri":{"$t":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/profile\/03955077314348723159"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$image":{"rel":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail","width":"23","height":"32","src":"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/-MIYHN6OoEwc\/U2l7x9al6lI\/AAAAAAAAWqI\/RQs7GfIsfto\/s1600\/*"}}],"media$thumbnail":{"xmlns$media":"http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/","url":"http:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/-wghgj1i2ExY\/UdeTw7mAZxI\/AAAAAAAARKw\/AEXgBVmYjw0\/s72-c\/July+4+Thug.jpg","height":"72","width":"72"}},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536322267119235073.post-5983617427755816700"},"published":{"$t":"2014-07-05T00:23:00.000-07:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2014-07-05T00:23:07.835-07:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Community News"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"fourth of july"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"holidays"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"independence day"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"satire"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"tea party"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"Tea Party Removes Unpatriotic 'Fourth of July' Phrase from Independence Day Celebrations"},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"\u003Cdiv class=\"separator\" style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"\u003E\u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/-MdTNfXITWSo\/U7em3Z73WcI\/AAAAAAAAXpo\/FduRqpvgKWQ\/s1600\/Greene+July+4.jpg\" imageanchor=\"1\" style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\"\u003E\u003Cimg border=\"0\" src=\"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/-MdTNfXITWSo\/U7em3Z73WcI\/AAAAAAAAXpo\/FduRqpvgKWQ\/s1600\/Greene+July+4.jpg\" height=\"480\" width=\"640\" \/\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003C\/div\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cb\u003ESAN NARCISO, Calif.\u003C\/b\u003E (\u003Ci\u003EBennington Vale Evening Transcript\u003C\/i\u003E) -- F. Chester Greene, area businessman and new chairman of the county’s Tea Party chapter, has joined forces with Mayor Manny DiPresso to organize what local officials have deemed the one \"truly American commemoration of Independence Day since the signing of the Declaration.\" During the American Revolution, the Thirteen Colonies threw off the yoke of England after the Second Continental Congress voted to legally secede from Great Britain on July 2, 1776. Two days later, when Congress approved the separation, all upper middle-class, white, Anglo-Saxon, Protestant male Americans were finally emancipated from decades of oppression. But since that time, Greene laments, America has lost her way. Sipping afternoon tea in his Bennington Vale office, and looking dapper in Burberry and Ben Sherman, Greene held nothing back in criticizing Americans for embracing old foes and abandoning the principles that helped found the world's greatest nation. \u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ca name='more'\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\"We've become those pansy abuse victims you read about all the time in the news,\" Greene quipped. \"And not just because we keep letting sodomists marry one another. It's the Stockholm Syndrome: we're still defending and professing unconditional love for the noxious troglodytes who tried to kill us when we ran away from home for a better life. Well, no longer. This isn't Stockholm and this isn't the British Empire. It's the U.S. of A., and it's time we finished what our Founders started.\"\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EOn Friday, the annual Independence Day ceremonies held at Lake Inverarity assumed a decidedly more regional tone. This isn't the first time Greene has helped orchestrate an historically accurate reboot of holidays that have become, in his words, \"unsavory perversions of history through the lens of pandering political correctness and inaccurately diverse celebrations that taint one's palate like a watered down Newcastle.\"\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EGreene said that the term \"Fourth of July\" will not longer be used in patriotic Independence Day events.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\"England has a fourth day in July too. This day should be ours. Let's take it back!\" Greene proclaimed to applause from the temps in his office. \"Of course, we're still putting on a spectacular show -- with food and drinks and entertainment -- but in the tradition of true Americans, not just 'people who happen to live in the United States.' We have some changes in store for those false patriots.\"\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003ERolf Funch, president of RJ Fletcher Communications, the county's only cable provider, agreed to block BBC America and other networks with foreign biases from the schedule.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\"This is a day to remember America's heroes -- the Jack Bennys, not the Benny Hills,\" Funch said. \"'Absolutely Fabulous?' How about 'Absolutely Fascist?' And to all the 13-year-old shut-ins obsessed with a poncy malcontent who travels the universe in a silly phone booth, I say 'Doctor Who Cares?' How about some reruns of 'Bonanza,' 'Hogan's Heroes,' 'McMillan and Wife,' 'Cop Rock,' or 'Manimal?''\"\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003ETennis, golf, and soccer will no longer be played in the park during America's Independence from International Co-dependence Day. Baseball, football, and all manner of land- and water-based vehicle contests will take the spotlight. \u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003ELikewise, the musical venue will exclude songs by the Beatles, Pink Floyd, Rolling Stones, Led Zepplin, Radiohead, The Kinks, The Who, Mumford and Sons, Oasis, The Clash, Amy Winehouse, M.I.A, Gorillaz, Fleetwood Mac, Moody Blues, The Specials, Elton John, The Cure, T-Rex, Eric Clapton, Queen, and David Bowie, to name a few. And because most American rock and roll is based on African-inspired blues, the bands invited to perform will instead regale the crowd with rousing sets of military marches.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\"I understand the kids today are really into something called 'drum and bass,' but we're going to turn them on to drum and fife,\" Mayor DiPresso promised.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EFireworks, originated in 10th century China, will also be stricken from the celebrations for obvious reasons. Instead, restored Revolutionary War cannons will fire volleys into a reproduction of Big Ben and the Houses of Parliament. This nighttime portion of the show, which also serves as the grand finale, will conclude with the burning of a 100-foot replica of the Downing Street Memo; the public is invited and encouraged to participate in the destruction of this effigy.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ci\u003E2014. Licensed under a \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc\/3.0\/deed.en_US\" rel=\"license\"\u003ECreative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License\u003C\/a\u003E. See \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/p\/company.html\"\u003Edisclaimers\u003C\/a\u003E.\u003C\/i\u003E"},"link":[{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7536322267119235073\/posts\/default\/5983617427755816700"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7536322267119235073\/posts\/default\/5983617427755816700"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/2014\/07\/tea-party-removes-unpatriotic-fourth-of.html","title":"Tea Party Removes Unpatriotic 'Fourth of July' Phrase from Independence Day Celebrations"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"BC Bass"},"uri":{"$t":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/profile\/03955077314348723159"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$image":{"rel":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail","width":"23","height":"32","src":"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/-MIYHN6OoEwc\/U2l7x9al6lI\/AAAAAAAAWqI\/RQs7GfIsfto\/s1600\/*"}}],"media$thumbnail":{"xmlns$media":"http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/","url":"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/-MdTNfXITWSo\/U7em3Z73WcI\/AAAAAAAAXpo\/FduRqpvgKWQ\/s72-c\/Greene+July+4.jpg","height":"72","width":"72"}},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536322267119235073.post-551763104610760105"},"published":{"$t":"2014-06-30T20:54:00.000-07:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2014-06-30T20:54:14.892-07:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"censorship"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"data privacy"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"facebook"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"internet"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"mark zuckerberg"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"satire"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"social media"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"social networking"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Technology"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"Facebook’s New Bummer Buster Project Edits Negativity Out of User Posts: No More Suicidal Rants or Murder Threats"},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"\u003Cdiv class=\"separator\" style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"\u003E\u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/-R6uEuhKh5_A\/U7IwzKVyn3I\/AAAAAAAAXkI\/FKJlphhiRd8\/s1600\/FB+Bummer+Buster.jpg\" imageanchor=\"1\" style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\"\u003E\u003Cimg border=\"0\" src=\"http:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/-R6uEuhKh5_A\/U7IwzKVyn3I\/AAAAAAAAXkI\/FKJlphhiRd8\/s1600\/FB+Bummer+Buster.jpg\" height=\"504\" width=\"640\" \/\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003C\/div\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cb\u003ESAN NARCISO, Calif.\u003C\/b\u003E (\u003Ci\u003EBennington Vale Evening Transcript\u003C\/i\u003E) -- Researchers from Cornell University in California admitted Monday to performing a series of dubiously ethical experiments in 2012 by manipulating the content in random Facebook users’ news feeds to gauge emotional reactions. Creepier still, Facebook suggested that such experimentation is routine, which explains how the project slipped past the eyes of ethics committees. Facebook attempted to defend its actions, stating that its overly vague data use policy allows it do whatever the heck it wants as part of “internal operations, including troubleshooting, data analysis, testing, research and service improvement.” In a follow up announcement, Facebook also revealed that tests after 2012 have involved directly editing the content in users’ posts to make them “more positive. We see suicidal rants all the time; putting a happy spin on them makes others more likely to post, and increases traffic.”\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ca name='more'\u003E\u003C\/a\u003EIn the original project, explained Cornell Social Media Lab professor Jeff Hancock, people who “had positive content experimentally reduced on their Facebook news feed, for one week, used more negative words in their status updates. When news feed negativity was reduced, the opposite pattern occurred: Significantly more positive words were used in peoples’ status updates.”\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EBecause the results turned out better than expected, Facebook moved to the second iteration, which will now be offered as a regular service called “Bummer Buster.”\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E“For example, a lot of Facebook users -- and I mean a lot of them -- seem really upset about our privacy policies, about the way we legally and consensually exploit their data,” CEO Mark Zuckerberg said. “It was creating unhappiness and dissent in the Facebook ecosystem, so we filtered out the negative words.”\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EZuckerberg shared one such post, in which a user wrote: “FB is worse than the f**ing NSA. Neither of these clowns respects your privacy, only FB sells your data to advertisers for its own profits.”\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003ECiting the extremely uninviting tone, Zuckerberg explained how this user’s Facebook friends ignored the post. “The user not only made himself unpopular but stopped people from responding to his site for a few days.”\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EBummer Buster analysts identified the negative words and removed them: “FB respects your privacy. The NSA sells your data to clowns.” After the slight alteration, the post received hundreds of Likes and encouraging comments.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EIn another scenario, Bummer Buster enhanced a post where a disgruntled teen threatened to shoot up his school in a bloody massacre. After, the post presented a healthier and more good-natured attitude toward bullies: “I’ve decided to challenge the popular kids to a shootout on the basketball courts while the rest of the school watches. I’ve been practicing a lot, and I know I can prove myself. Blood racing. Humiliation running away.”\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E“Let’s say we catch a post on a Smiths fan page,” Zuckerberg added. “A depressed teenage girl says something like, ‘Tell my friends I’m going to hang myself today in my room around noon.’ We can put a more reader-friendly spin on it, such as, ‘I’m going to hang around my room today with friends.’”\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EWhen asked about the outcome of a Bummer Buster makeover on posts such as this, Zuckerberg admitted the data sometimes remain inconclusive: “We’re still perfecting the system. A lot of times, with depressing posts like that one, we never see the user publish anything new again. But we’ll continue to monitor and refine the offering.”\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ci\u003E2014. Licensed under a \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc\/3.0\/deed.en_US\" rel=\"license\"\u003ECreative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License\u003C\/a\u003E. See \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/p\/company.html\"\u003Edisclaimers\u003C\/a\u003E.\u003C\/i\u003E"},"link":[{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7536322267119235073\/posts\/default\/551763104610760105"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7536322267119235073\/posts\/default\/551763104610760105"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/2014\/06\/facebooks-new-bummer-buster-project.html","title":"Facebook’s New Bummer Buster Project Edits Negativity Out of User Posts: No More Suicidal Rants or Murder Threats"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"BC Bass"},"uri":{"$t":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/profile\/03955077314348723159"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$image":{"rel":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail","width":"23","height":"32","src":"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/-MIYHN6OoEwc\/U2l7x9al6lI\/AAAAAAAAWqI\/RQs7GfIsfto\/s1600\/*"}}],"media$thumbnail":{"xmlns$media":"http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/","url":"http:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/-R6uEuhKh5_A\/U7IwzKVyn3I\/AAAAAAAAXkI\/FKJlphhiRd8\/s72-c\/FB+Bummer+Buster.jpg","height":"72","width":"72"}},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536322267119235073.post-4557259998176990179"},"published":{"$t":"2014-06-17T18:52:00.001-07:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2014-06-17T18:52:35.440-07:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"barack obama"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Economy"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"environment"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"garbage"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"oceans"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"oil"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"republican"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"satire"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"tea party"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"trash"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"Obama’s Insidious Marine Sanctuary to Destroy Fishing, Oil Spilling and Trash Dumping Industries"},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"\u003Cdiv class=\"separator\" style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"\u003E\u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/-tDM696LLOcw\/U6DwJ9qBWmI\/AAAAAAAAXNc\/gTOxii3Sr6Y\/s1600\/Obama+King+Neptune.jpg\" imageanchor=\"1\" style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\"\u003E\u003Cimg border=\"0\" src=\"http:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/-tDM696LLOcw\/U6DwJ9qBWmI\/AAAAAAAAXNc\/gTOxii3Sr6Y\/s1600\/Obama+King+Neptune.jpg\" height=\"442\" width=\"640\" \/\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003C\/div\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cb\u003ESAN NARCISO, Calif.\u003C\/b\u003E (\u003Ci\u003EBennington Vale Evening Transcript\u003C\/i\u003E) -- President Obama once again abused his executive privileges Tuesday by unilaterally issuing a series of measures to close off parts of the ocean, pushing the United States one step closer toward economic ruin and communism.  The president’s plan would create marine sanctuaries to protect wide regions of the central Pacific from fishing, oil exploration and waste disposal enterprises. The announcement, opponents say, demonstrates further evidence of Obama’s willingness to exercise his dubious executive powers to take over the world, kill thriving industries and destroy free markets.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ca name='more'\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E“This is yet another example of how an imperial president is intent on taking unilateral action, behind closed doors, to impose new regulations and layers of restrictive red-tape,” said House Natural Resources Committee Chairman Doc Hastings (R-Wash.). “Oceans, like our federal lands, are intended to be multiple-use and open for a wide range of economic activities that includes fishing, recreation, conservation, and energy production.”\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EThe proposed initiative would restrict 200 miles of ocean, effectively doubling the area currently overseen by the United States. Rightfully invoking Godwin’s Law, Republicans who are opposed to the measure dubbed Obama “Hitler of the High Seas.”\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003ECarlisle Olden-Whitely, chairman of San Narciso’s Tea Party faction -- the Association of Republican Seniors, Wives, Young Professionals and Entrepreneurs (ARSWYPE) -- called the president’s latest abuse of power “possibly the most insane, rogue and devastating action this fascist has taken against American interests.”\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EBy putting such a large expanse of ocean off limits, Obama will immediately cripple the fishing industry. \u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E“The president and his wife are always going on and on about food shortages and feeding starving children and blah, blah, blah. But with this order, he’s stealing food right from under their noses,” Olden-Whitely said. “No more fish sticks, no more sushi, no more tuna salad sandwiches. And not only is he robbing Americans of vital food sources, he’s piling on to unemployment by putting fleets of fishermen out of work. It’s 1972 all over again, when Congress outlawed whaling.”\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EEven worse, the ocean sanctuaries will prevent oil companies from drilling. Obama has consistently vowed to end U.S. dependence on foreign oil, yet by shuttering operations in the Pacific, Republicans attest, America will have no choice but to begin purchasing even larger quantities of oil from abroad.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E“How the heck does Mr. Obama think this move will solve our energy crisis?” Olden-Whitely exclaimed. “Oil drilling creates, well, oil. Fuel we desperately need to run the country. It also creates thousands of jobs. And when accidents happen -- when oil rigs explode or tankers sink, and millions of gallons of oil start spilling into the sea -- thousands of other jobs are created; somebody needs to clean up that mess. But now there won’t be a mess to tidy. Now all those people will be out of work, too. It’s tragic.”\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003ERepublican leaders assured voters that they would adamantly refuse to sponsor any motions to increase spending for oil produced overseas. They endorsed the wiser, more responsible alternative of starting another armed conflict with a sovereign, oil-rich nation in the Middle East.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EApart from the obvious perils of food and oil shortages, however, Olden-Whitely cautioned against another terrible threat facing the United States under Obama’s plan.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E“What do we do with all our trash?” he asked bluntly. “We’re running out of places to dump garbage or dispose of toxic waste. Our landfills are reaching capacity, thanks in part to Obama protecting federal lands. Now he’s closing off one of our primary dumping grounds for rubbish and refuse. By the end of summer, our cities and parks and forests will look the Pacific trash vortex. It’s a horrifying sight to see, and not one Americans would welcome in their neighborhoods. But the president isn’t giving them a voice or a choice. He’s too busy protecting the environment instead of the country.”\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EOlden-Whitely added: “First he thinks he’s king of America, now he thinks he’s King Neptune.”\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ci\u003E2014. Licensed under a \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc\/3.0\/deed.en_US\" rel=\"license\"\u003ECreative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License\u003C\/a\u003E. See \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/p\/company.html\"\u003Edisclaimers\u003C\/a\u003E.\u003C\/i\u003E"},"link":[{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7536322267119235073\/posts\/default\/4557259998176990179"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7536322267119235073\/posts\/default\/4557259998176990179"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/2014\/06\/obamas-insidious-marine-sanctuary-to.html","title":"Obama’s Insidious Marine Sanctuary to Destroy Fishing, Oil Spilling and Trash Dumping Industries"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"BC Bass"},"uri":{"$t":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/profile\/03955077314348723159"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$image":{"rel":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail","width":"23","height":"32","src":"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/-MIYHN6OoEwc\/U2l7x9al6lI\/AAAAAAAAWqI\/RQs7GfIsfto\/s1600\/*"}}],"media$thumbnail":{"xmlns$media":"http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/","url":"http:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/-tDM696LLOcw\/U6DwJ9qBWmI\/AAAAAAAAXNc\/gTOxii3Sr6Y\/s72-c\/Obama+King+Neptune.jpg","height":"72","width":"72"}},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536322267119235073.post-6020758409298147774"},"published":{"$t":"2014-06-16T18:54:00.000-07:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2014-06-16T18:54:22.781-07:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"apple"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Business"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"google"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"samsung"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"satire"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"smart phones"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"smartwatch"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Technology"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"timex"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"watches"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"Low-Tech Device Maker Timex Challenges Google and Apple with “Smartest Watch”"},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"\u003Cdiv class=\"separator\" style=\"clear: both; text-align: center;\"\u003E\u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/-1ZpTEq-ILe8\/U5-fBsp0iJI\/AAAAAAAAXM8\/YQ5FgBPIbU4\/s1600\/Smartest+Watch.jpg\" imageanchor=\"1\" style=\"margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;\"\u003E\u003Cimg border=\"0\" src=\"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/-1ZpTEq-ILe8\/U5-fBsp0iJI\/AAAAAAAAXM8\/YQ5FgBPIbU4\/s1600\/Smartest+Watch.jpg\" height=\"480\" width=\"640\" \/\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003C\/div\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cb\u003ESAN NARCISO, Calif.\u003C\/b\u003E (\u003Ci\u003EBennington Vale Evening Transcript\u003C\/i\u003E) -- Not long ago, software developers, hardware manufacturers and Internet pioneers began a battle of supremacy for “smart devices,” portable mini-computers designed to enhance and streamline the lifestyles of consumers. Now, these same technology leaders are duking it out over new lines of products that shrink the same core features into wearable accessories. Google launched Glass, a virtual-reality device that resembles eyeglasses and makes the functionality of an Android smartphone accessible through a display built into clear lenses. Samsung countered with a smartwatch. Now Google and Apple have announced plans to distribute their own unique smartwatches. But an unexpected challenger entered the technological fray Monday in the form of a struggling, low-tech Dutch company called Timex, which promises consumers “the smartest watch on the market,” in both digital and analog formats.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ca name='more'\u003E\u003C\/a\u003EGoogle’s highly anticipated smartwatch capitalizes on its Android OS and Google Now, an intelligent personal assistance program. The device can generate calendar alerts, display weather, show reminders, post map directions and travel times, host chats through Hangouts, pop up exercise data and allow users to access email.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EApple’s hotly rumored smartwatch also showcases key apps within the company’s mobile ecosystem through a slim device worn on the wrist. Apple users will be able to purchase and play music, track their workouts, take pictures and check messages.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E“The prototypes for these devices are astounding,” said Meyrian Dofskelge, a business analyst who specializes in consumer electronics. “They’re stylish, intuitive and loaded with features you wouldn’t expect on so small a platform. In fact, they seem to do everything but tell time. No matter how many screens I flipped through, no matter where I looked, I couldn’t find a clock. I had to fish my phone out of my back pocket whenever I needed to check the time. And that’s where I think these Dutch guys have a real competitive opportunity.”\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003ERepresentatives for Timex said they have perfected a way to build miniature, wearable clocks. These timepieces strap onto the user’s wrist and always display the current hour, minute and even second. It might seem revolutionary, but developers at Timex claim they have been refining this technology since 1854.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E“In early iterations, the watches fit in a user’s pocket -- much like today’s smartphones -- and were secured in place by a chain, or fob as they called it,” explained Timex spokesperson Adelbert Haak. “Today, our products are typically worn around the wrist. But the big differentiator between a smartwatch and our ‘smartest watch’ is that a Timex tells time. Accurately, effortlessly, instantly. Tests have also shown that our product’s battery life far surpasses anything Google, Samsung or Apple have put on the market. Plus, because we also offer analog versions, users can manually power the watches by simply winding them up each day. No batteries, no environmental impacts whatsoever. And in that regard, Timex watches are more eco-friendly than our competitors’ devices.”\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003EAs far as cost, Timex trumps its hi-tech rivals handily. Devices start as low as thirty dollars. “Those prices are infinitely more affordable than other smartwatches, and our devices do what they promise,” Haak added.\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Cbr \/\u003E\u003Ci\u003E2014. Licensed under a \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc\/3.0\/deed.en_US\" rel=\"license\"\u003ECreative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License\u003C\/a\u003E. See \u003Ca href=\"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/p\/company.html\"\u003Edisclaimers\u003C\/a\u003E.\u003C\/i\u003E"},"link":[{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7536322267119235073\/posts\/default\/6020758409298147774"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/feeds\/7536322267119235073\/posts\/default\/6020758409298147774"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http:\/\/www.benningtonvalepress.com\/2014\/06\/low-tech-device-maker-timex-challenges.html","title":"Low-Tech Device Maker Timex Challenges Google and Apple with “Smartest Watch”"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"BC Bass"},"uri":{"$t":"http:\/\/www.blogger.com\/profile\/03955077314348723159"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$image":{"rel":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail","width":"23","height":"32","src":"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/-MIYHN6OoEwc\/U2l7x9al6lI\/AAAAAAAAWqI\/RQs7GfIsfto\/s1600\/*"}}],"media$thumbnail":{"xmlns$media":"http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/","url":"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/-1ZpTEq-ILe8\/U5-fBsp0iJI\/AAAAAAAAXM8\/YQ5FgBPIbU4\/s72-c\/Smartest+Watch.jpg","height":"72","width":"72"}}]}});