SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- A larger-than-usual gathering of Catholics celebrating Ash Wednesday yesterday wreaked havoc among the community's predominantly white Evangelical Protestant population. According to Mike Fallopian, Yoyodyne executive and chairman of the conservative Peter Pinguid Society, the problem began with an incident at the area Whole Foods. "At first I wasn't sure what I was seeing," Fallopian explained. "These three women were standing in line with dirt smeared all over their faces. Normally, when you politely tell a person she has something on her face, she discreetly wipes it away and thanks you. Not so much on Ash Wednesday, it turns out." Managers at Whole Foods also found the observance alien, mistaking the women for unwashed vagrants who had wandered in from Hobo Gardens, the county's segregated transient community. When the women were refused service over hygiene concerns, an altercation erupted that required police intervention.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- A larger-than-usual gathering of Catholics celebrating Ash Wednesday in Bennington Vale caused confusion and havoc among the community's predominantly white Republican Evangelical Protestant population. According to Mike Fallopian, Yoyodyne executive and chairman of the conservative Peter Pinguid Society, the problem began with an incident at the area Whole Foods. "At first I wasn't sure what I was seeing," Fallopian explained. "These three women were standing in line with dirt smeared all over their faces. Normally, when you politely tell a person she has something on her face, she discreetly wipes it away and thanks you. Not so much on Ash Wednesday, it turns out."

"Normally, when you politely tell a person she has something on her face, she discreetly wipes it away and thanks you. Not so much on Ash Wednesday, it turns out." -- Area resident involved in altercation.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Larger-than-usual gatherings of Catholics were celebrating Ash Wednesday in Bennington Vale today, marking not only the holiday but also the last Mass that departing Pope Benedict XVI will be presiding over. Unfortunately, the Ash Wednesday rituals -- largely unfamiliar to the community's predominantly Evangelical Protestant population -- led to confusion and physical confrontations.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- A larger-than-usual gathering of Catholics celebrating Ash Wednesday in Bennington Vale caused confusion and havoc among the community's predominantly Evangelical Protestant population. According to Mike Fallopian, Yoyodyne executive and chairman of the conservative Peter Pinguid Society, the problem began with an incident at the area Trader Joe's.

"At first I wasn't sure what I was seeing," Fallopian explained. "These three women were standing in line with dirt smeared all over their faces. Normally, when you politely tell a person she has something on her face, she discreetly wipes it away and thanks you. Not so much on Ash Wednesday, it turns out."

SAN NARCISO, Calif. -- A larger-than-usual gathering of Catholics celebrating Ash Wednesday in Bennington Vale caused confusion and havoc among the community’s predominantly Evangelical Protestant population. According to Mike Fallopian, Yoyodyne executive and chairman of the conservative Peter Pinguid Society, the problem began with an incident at the area Trader Joe’s.

“At first I wasn’t sure what I was seeing,” Fallopian explained. “These three women were standing in line with dirt smeared all over their faces. Normally, when you politely tell someone they have something on their face, they discreetly wipe it away and thank you. Not so much on Ash Wednesday, it turns out.”