SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Atlas Productions, the company behind the film adaptation of Ayn Rand’s “Atlas Shrugged,” agreed to replace 100,000 copies of the film’s newly released DVD after sickened fans discovered the discs riddled with errors, which led to a flood of vitriolic complaints that crippled the company’s servers for hours. One executive described the venomous correspondence as “so much hate it made Frank Miller’s opinion of Occupy Wall Street protesters seem quaint.”

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Local business owner Adam Truman was admitted to San Narciso Regional Medical Center’s ICU Wednesday night with multiple broken bones and severe trauma. Truman, owner of Black Talon Engineering, recently made headlines with his introduction of the LapetOS, an embedded operating system that uses artificial intelligence to significantly improve the endurance of batteries in both consumer and industrial applications. Witnesses testified that Truman was attacked outside a political campaign mixer.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Sociologists from San Narciso’s Poeslaw Institute for Social Research and Development (PISRAD) released a disturbing report on Tuesday that exposed new evidence of a sexual relationship between Ayn Rand, the progenitor of Objectivism, and Alan Greenspan, the American economist who served as Chairman of the Federal Reserve between 1987 and 2006. The study, a joint effort between PISRAD and Professor Regis Ketamine’s sociology team at San Narciso College, includes newly discovered entries from Greenspan’s journals. Janus Heuchler, the director of PISRAD, explained that the journal excerpts were found pressed between the pages of an old diary belonging to Rand, which went on auction last Wednesday. Heuchler described himself as elated with the find, but the more reserved Ketamine warned of distressing ramifications nationwide: “If Alan Greenspan screwed Ayn Rand and America, then we’ve all slept with Ayn Rand. That’s not something to be taken lightly.”