CAIRO, Egypt -- Flared tensions have turned to widespread chaos with a throng of Egyptians calling for the ouster of 82-year-old President Hosni Mubarak, whom they charge with 30 years of oppressive rule under a rigged, undemocratic election process. However, many view Mubarak, a secular leader, as strong on fighting religious discrimination and Islamic terrorism in the region. They also worry that Mubarak’s departure will lead to joblessness and economic decline. But liberals in the United States have focused solely on what they call Egypt’s “chilling communications blackout,” which sets a “dangerous global precedent.”

PENSACOLA, Fla. -- In December 2010, Judge Henry E. Hudson of the Federal District Court in Richmond, Va., struck down a key provision of the health care reform law that requires Americans to obtain commercial insurance. Today, Judge Roger Vinson of the Federal District Court in Pensacola, Fla., also ruled the law unconstitutional. But unlike his Virginia counterpart, Judge Vinson declared that the entire health care act should be repealed if appellate courts follow suit in invalidating the insurance requirement.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. -- TNT has released an apology for Tracy Morgan’s reference to Sarah Palin as a sex object on last night’s “Inside the NBA” pregame show. During the live broadcast, Kenny Smith and Charles Barkley asked Morgan to settle a bet: Tina Fey or Sarah Palin? They were clearly not asking which woman was smarter or the better flautist. Morgan responded, in the manner popularized by the character he portrays on “30 Rock” and in his stage comedy, “Yo, let me tell you something about Sarah Palin. She’s good masturbation material.”

Media outlets across the country have chastised Morgan for poor judgment and crass comments. The insinuation is that some form of slander occurred, but did it? According to Regis Ketamine, leading sociologist at San Narciso College, the burden of proof rests on Sarah Palin to establish that she is somehow not masturbation material.

IRVINE, Calif. -- Think outside the bun? According to a lawsuit filed by a California woman, Taco Bell is thinking outside the slaughterhouse. The class-action suit, which seeks no monetary damages, objects to Taco Bell calling its products “seasoned ground beef” or “seasoned beef,” when a substantial amount of the filling is composed of water, isolated oat product, wheat oats, soy lecithin, maltodextrin, anti-dusting agents, autolyzed yeast extract, modified corn starch, and sodium phosphate. The meat-inspired product also contains seasonings and some trace amount of beef.

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- According to news from insiders at WikiLeaks, officials within the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) are planning to pressure congressional senators and federal courts to enact a ban on the wildly popular video game Angry Birds. In the game, developed by Finland-based Rovio Mobile, players commandeer a slingshot to launch birds at green pigs ensconced within various structures, with the intent of destroying all the swine on the screen. DHS officials, however, say the game is not as innocuous as it may seem. In fact, the game fosters terrorism.