News in Brief

October 18, 2016: Designer Zac Posen unveils new uniforms for Delta, including glasses that help flight attendants recognize doctors who are black.

October 16, 2016: Vice Presidential candidate Tim Kaine makes history by delivering speech to Pneuma Church congregation entirely in Spanish. Donald Trump immediately calls for Kaine's deportation and a wall around the church grounds.

April 19, 2013: Struggling news industry says papers can't afford enough staff to keep up with U.S. shootings and bombings.

March 15, 2013: Country music legend Jack Greene dead at 84. There Goes His Everything.

March 13, 2013: If you have an erection lasting over four hours, you just bought the new Bowie record, doctors say.

March 7, 2013: Seeing Rand Paul screw with the Senate for 13 hours, lonely wife Kelley buys Obama nightie to provoke filibuster of her own.

February 27, 2013: Conservative Supreme Court justices want Rosa Parks statue moved to the back of the Capitol's Statutory Hall.

February 14, 2013: 'Blade Runner' Oscar Pistorius kills model girlfriend, Reeva Steenkamp, after claiming she failed the Voight Kampff test.

February 11, 2013: Vatican to host "Ex-Benedict" breakfast Tuesday in honor of departing pope.

February 11, 2013: Benedict's resignation is ailing pope's way of telling God, "You can't fire me, I quit."

February 5, 2013: People for the Ethical Treatment of Skeet (PETS) demand Obama impeachment after White House photo of senseless Camp David skeet slaughter.

January 31, 2013: "F-you, Jimmy Lee Dykes," nation says.

January 24, 2013: Kim Jong-un -- the apple doesn't nuke far from the tree.

December 21, 2012: NRA Executive VP Wayne LaPierre's surprise call for armed officers in schools: What took him so long? The shooting was a week ago.

December 11, 2012: But does Santa believe in you?

November 15, 2012: "Lincoln" doing well in theaters despite historical evidence to the contrary.

November 13, 2012: Boy trapped in refrigerator eats own foot.

November 12, 2012: The Petraeus Affair: Why Does Anyone Give a Crap?

November 2, 2012: Storm ravaged conservatives fearing more of God's wrath implore New Yorkers to "be less gay."

September 2, 2012: Paul Ryan rushed to hospital with second-degree burns after pants spontaneously combust.

August 29, 2012: RNC still trying to explain John Popper's performance: "Chris Christie was not singing at the Ron Paul rally nor had he lost weight."

August 21, 2012: Todd Akin apologizes for supporting Russia's condemnation of Pussy Riot: "I thought that was the medical term for menopause, not a band."

August 14, 2012: In honor of Shark Week, the Game Show Network has announced Card Sharks Week.

August 11, 2012: Romney and Ryan promise education reform that will introduce BS degrees in Fuzzy Math.

August 10, 2012: New ad shows that Mitt Romney likes to be able to fire people...and then kill their spouses.

July 27, 2012: God strikes down Chick-fil-A executive after company, in Dan Cathy's words, "shook its fist at Him and said, 'We know better than You as to what constitutes a marriage.'"

July 25, 2012: "I wish this president would learn how to be an American," said a guy named Sununu from a Palestinian and Lebanese family whose father was born in Communist Cuba.

July 24, 2012: George Jefferson is truly movin' on up. Sherman Hemsley dead at 74.

July 12, 2012: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Millions of DirecTV customers may never know.

July 11, 2012: First-term Gov. John Kasich (R-Ohio) commutes 3 executions in 13 months. GOP says the only thing in Ohio facing death is Kasich's second term.
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