Friday, September 20, 2019

NRA Ridicules Sandy Hook PSA and Teases Own “See Something, Shoot Something” Ad

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- A chilling and emotionally fraught public service announcement (PSA) by Sandy Hook Promise, which debuted on the September 18 broadcast of Today, has haunted Americans since its airing with a jarring message about the perils facing students in an era where mass shootings have practically become normalized in their frequency and lackluster response by officials. The video opens much like those cheery back-to-school ads pushed by retailers during this time of year. Instead of voguing about campus with their cool new gear, however, the students descend into a nightmarish horrorscape, fleeing an unseen attacker as violence erupts around them. “It’s difficult to watch,” admitted National Rifle Association (NRA) leaders. “But not because of the anti-gun propaganda flagrantly basted over this turkey. If the purpose of our schools is to teach students how to survive the harsh realities of America, this video demonstrates just what a terrible job they’re doing.”

Back to School Essentials Misses the Target

The video, titled “Back to School Essentials,” shows kids being forced to use ineffective tools like scissors, skateboards, and socks to defend themselves against an aggressor, implied to be well-armed by the steady pulse of gunfire exploding in the background over the helpless, bloodcurdling screams of students. The Daily Beast succinctly described the action in its coverage of the PSA:

One student running from a shooter says: “These new sneakers are just what I needed for the new year.” Another wraps her long socks around a bleeding classmate’s leg that has been wounded by a bullet, and says: “These new socks? They can be a real lifesaver.” A third student uses his new skateboard to smash a window in a desperate attempt to escape the shooter.

Thorn Havershabe, head of the San Narciso County NRA chapter, mocked the PSA as a “ridiculous fiction, an ironic endorsement for less gun control.”

“The only back-to-school essentials in this video belong to the alleged shooter,” Havershabe said. “If we want our kids graduating with colorful caps and gowns, not veils and black crepe, we need to give them the ‘essential’ equipment they need: automatic rifles, pistols with high-capacity magazines, and effing grenades. Not safety shears, toys, and Trapper Keepers — which, I can say from experience, neither trap nor keep speeding, armor-piercing rounds. This back-to-school ad needs to go back to school on the essentials for surviving the American dream.”

Student Body Armor or Student Body Count?

In the month of August alone, 53 people have perished in mass shootings. So far this year, there have been 38 shootings with three or more fatalities. Schools have endured the lion’s share of the gun-related terror. In fact, just one day before Sandy Hook Promise released its shocking PSA, Oklahoma police arrested an 18-year-old who told coworkers she was plotting to kill 400 people at her old high school “for fun.” Authorities discovered an AK-47 in the girl’s room.

Where the “suicidally stupid hippie peacenik” gun control advocates view the PSA as a renewed call to arms, or call to disarm as Havershade joked, he believes it further illustrates the massive shortcomings with nationwide school safety initiatives.

“Look at what these tuned-out, apathetic parents purchased for their precious cargo,” Havershabe noted. “Just showcases all the failings with the system. Teachers keep crying about supplies and stuff. Folders, tissues, pencils. What about kevlar-reinforced binders? What about body armor instead of Under Armour? Why not replace PE with paramilitary training programs? And where are the teachers in this video? Probably cowering, which would be fine if the campuses invested in fortified guard towers with skilled snipers. This PSA is encouraging our kids to use skateboards and sneakers to run away from the problem when, if properly armed, they could be confronting it, containing it, conquering it.”

Havershade referenced a hugely successful NRA-sponsored program he helped launch across all San Narciso County schools in 2013. The Grammar School Gauntlet project provides hall monitors with comprehensive courses in Krav Maga and other martial arts, classes in responsible gun ownership and safety, and marksmanship training at police shooting ranges. Hall monitors also receive a broad selection of semi-automatic handguns with ammunition. At the conclusion of the program, NRA mentors prepare students for the written and practical exams needed to obtain concealed weapons permits.

He also questioned the effectiveness of various “Say Something” efforts under way at most institutions.

“What’s the point?” Havershabe asked. “Call mommy? Call the cops? What are they going to do? I mean, the gut-punch ending of the PSA is actually the most pathetic part. A scared girl texting her mom to say I love you. Doing nothing but hiding and playing on her phone. It’s the weakness we’ve instilled with the Obama nanny state crap. We created a culture of victims. I want to see a video where the prey become the predators — where the girl sacks up, pulls an AR-15 out of her Hello Kitty satchel, and takes down the assailant in a hail of righteous gunfire. We have the power to turn potential tragedies into probable triumphs.”

Havershabe revealed that he is working closely with NRA Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre on a counterpoint PSA called “See Something, Shoot Something.”

“Sandy Hook Promise showed us only the promise of a bad end for sniveling, ill-equipped, untrained, ignorant, hapless fish in a pond trolled by a butcher who has a boat, an arsenal, and a backpack stuffed with dynamite,” he added. “This country needs sharks, not guppies whose lifespans can now be measured by grade level. K to 12 should represent an educational milestone. Sadly, it’s becoming the mortality range. If anything, this video accomplishes the justification for more guns on the streets, not prohibitive controls that jeopardize the survival odds — and future opportunities — of our youth. The most important decision facing today’s teens should emphasize weapons of choice, not colleges of choice. Skateboards and scissors won’t get you to Stanford, but a Howitzer will certainly improve your likelihood of getting to Harvard...without a hearse or casket.”

(c) 2019. Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License. All articles are works of satire. See disclaimers.

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