The Bennington Vale Evening Transcript: Economy

Showing posts with label Economy. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Executive Order on Climate Change: Pipelines and Coal Could Create Tens of Jobs

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Final construction of the Keystone XL pipeline resumed in January following President Trump’s success in clearing away political obstacles such as Native Americans. The project promises to create 35 permanent positions. The president’s latest executive order seeks to capitalize on those impressive employment figures by rolling back climate change policies that have hobbled the fossil fuel and coal mining industries. Analysts say this effort could create tens of jobs, which Trump hailed as “explosive double-digital growth.”

Trump Budget Ends Fascist Marine Sanctuaries, Saves Oil Spilling and Trash Dumping Jobs

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- In September 2014, former President Barack Obama again abused his executive privileges by unilaterally issuing a series of measures to shelter parts of the ocean from businesses, pushing the United States closer to economic ruin and communism. The misguided marine sanctuaries protect wide regions of the central Pacific from fishing, oil exploration and waste disposal enterprises -- powerful market sectors that must be revived to repair Obama’s depressed economy and restore employment to “billions of out-of-work Americans,” according to President Trump. His recently released budget plan aims to overcome these setbacks. Trump’s morally motivated cuts to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, and other environmental agencies, will seek to end the insidious “ecological fascism” that is eroding America’s greatness through the destruction of corporate fishing, oil spilling and trash dumping industries.

Trump Budget Slashes Tires of Meals on Wheels, Solves ACA Death Panel Failure

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- President Trump’s proposed budget, “America First: A Budget Blueprint to Make America Great Again,” may seem austere and disproportionately attuned to the needs of the military industrial complex, but the White House views its hardline approach as a “compassionate” and deeply patriotic plan, even though it eliminates funding for the arts, sciences, environment, education, healthcare and geriatric support programs such as Meals on Wheels. Trump’s cabinet assured the public that the new blueprint will restore America to the days of its past grandeur: a time of epic wars with foreign powers, a thriving economy based on defense spending and more reasonable limits on the lifespans of persistently lingering seniors who are depriving the nation’s underemployed Millennials of greater opportunities.

Trump Accuses Stores Closed on Thanksgiving of Treason

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Thanksgiving is the day when millions of Americans take a break from their grueling grinds to spend quality time with loved ones and reflect on the things they have, or are mere minutes away from having. Gone are the staid feasts and overdressed gatherings that once took place in cozy Norman Rockwell dining rooms or the musty confines of grandma’s den. In the 21st century, families unwind in the nation’s bustling shopping malls, bonding over the brutal bloodsport of frenzied combat shopping, where they demonstrate the strength of their familial ties by trampling other families who are competing for the same merchandise at slashed prices. “I can’t think of a better way to give back and show one’s gratitude,” said Foster Geldhaben, a holiday economics specialist for the conservative Peter Pinguid Society. “And that’s why we’ve joined President-elect Donald Trump in accusing retailers who refuse to open on Thanksgiving of treason.”

Uber-like App Services for Prostitution Lead to Rise of “Trick Economy” and New Employment Concerns

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- The success of Uber, the app-based personal transportation service, has renewed the demand for independent contractors. It’s also ushered in an emerging freelance marketplace called the “gig economy.” While the model may be great for business, labor advocates say it’s horrendous for workers and the wider economy. Pushing employees to sell their services independently weakens their security, cripples their long-term financial stability and depletes their purchasing power. Employees are, after all, consumers. But with the announcement Wednesday of an app-based call service for prostitutes -- the result of a partnership between Google Maps and Unter, a heavily funded startup by a conglomerate of savvy pimps -- labor regulators worry that the rise of this new “trick economy” will wreak further damage on millions of housewives and moonlighters who are seeking part-time opportunities to strengthen their household incomes.

Taking Congress, GOP Vows Economic Recovery by Reviving Industries in Asbestos, Lead and Sewing

“Voters want a more idyllic world, like the one in the 1950s. And we’re committed to dragging this country back 60 years so they can have it.” ~ F. Chester Greene, San Narciso Tea Party Chairman

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- After Tuesday’s electoral sweep, the Republican Party took its place as America’s dominant political faction, controlling both chambers of Congress. The primary challenge confronting conservatives now is how to rectify the issues that led to rampant disillusionment among the nation’s voters. Remember, this is the first time since 2006 that the GOP has taken control of Congress, when they lost their majorities in the House and Senate during midterm elections that were marred by widespread discontentment over the failed policies of the Bush administration. Now, they have recaptured their claim on government through a similar sense of disaffection. Fixing the economy, Republicans believe, will lead to the restoration of the values and prosperity that fueled that nation’s past success. So their first order of business is to revive once thriving industries and they jobs they created, beginning with asbestos, lead and large-scale apparel manufacturing.

Obama’s Insidious Marine Sanctuary to Destroy Fishing, Oil Spilling and Trash Dumping Industries

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- President Obama once again abused his executive privileges Tuesday by unilaterally issuing a series of measures to close off parts of the ocean, pushing the United States one step closer toward economic ruin and communism. The president’s plan would create marine sanctuaries to protect wide regions of the central Pacific from fishing, oil exploration and waste disposal enterprises. The announcement, opponents say, demonstrates further evidence of Obama’s willingness to exercise his dubious executive powers to take over the world, kill thriving industries and destroy free markets.

Despite Spending Slump, Research Shows Prom Still Not Cheap Excuse to Get Laid

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Researchers from San Narciso’s Poeslaw Institute for Social Research and Development (PISRAD) offered new information about the economic necessity of high school proms in a report published Wednesday. Despite the tight spending restrictions many families have imposed on themselves, the money shelled out on proms continued to increase over the last three years. This year, however, data from a Visa survey indicated that families may be reining in their prom budgets. “Although sometimes discounted as nostalgic displays of bygone pageantry -- criticized for being outdated or, even worse, deemed exclusionary to those not in the upper middle classes -- proms experienced a surge in harsh economic conditions that saw consumer spending drop in nearly every other sector,” said Janus Heuchler, PISRAD director and head of the project.

Alarming Drop in Childhood Obesity Rate Threatens Healthcare Industry and Economy, GOP Warns

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Obesity in the United States is considered by many health experts to have reached epidemic proportions. Immediately after President Obama took office, First Lady Michelle Obama launched an aggressive campaign to promote exercise, nutrition and healthy habits for young children. As of today, 10,000 child care centers across the nation have adopted Mrs. Obama’s program. Her progress, according to federal health authorities, has also inspired parents to buy healthier, lower-calorie foods for their children. The success of these efforts is historic and undeniable -- the CDC reported last week an unprecedented 43-percent drop in obesity rates among two- to five-year-old children. But Republican lawmakers warn that this fitness agenda is a dangerous aspect of Mr. Obama’s socialist healthcare reform, intended to cripple the nation’s thriving health insurance market and destroy the economy.

Santa Claus Blames Target Credit Card Breach for Disappointing Christmas

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- According to the nation's retailers, frugality seemed to be theme this year among holiday shoppers. Despite offering aggressive discounts to entice consumers, with some sales events beginning on Thanksgiving evening, retailers found little more than coal in their stockings as their dismal year-end financial reports bore out analysts' bleak projections. Merchandisers are now hoping post-Christmas sales will help them salvage something from 2013's disappointing figures. A spokesperson for North Pole Distribution Operations Ltd. (NPDOL) said Santa Claus attributed the lion's share of the problem to a Target security breach that gave hackers access to over 40 million credit and debit cards.

Ruthless Banker Saves Bedford Falls from Shady Subprime Lenders

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Since the start of the financial crisis in 2008, the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation (FDIC) has closed 465 banks. Prior to 2008, only 10 banks had failed. Regulators shuttered another 23 failed banks in 2013 alone. On Wednesday, TFC National Bank said it will close 37 branches inside Jewel stores by March, A day later, still plagued by the fallout from the ruptured housing bubble, Bank of America agreed to pay the Securities Exchange Commission (SEC) nearly $132 million in penalties to settle an investigation connected to the sale of two intricately convoluted mortgage securities sold to investors through its Merrill Lynch division. The news has been neither surprising nor welcoming. But the announcement that regulators seized the assets of the famed Bailey Savings and Loan in Bedford Falls -- a privately owned and cherished institution that never received bailouts -- rocked the nation's confidence. This time, however, a corporate banker named Potter, whom the town previously considered a ruthless and malevolent cad, has emerged as a potential savior.

Chamber of Commerce Accuses Retailers That Refused to Open Thanksgiving of Treason

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- In January, the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, the nation's foremost conservative business lobby, announced its annual ranking of the worst companies in America -- those organizations that consistently failed to embrace the true spirit of bottom-line capitalism. To make the prestigious list, companies had to demonstrate their failures to seize opportunities for maximizing profit potential by refusing to cut corners, reduce overhead, eliminate employer-sponsored benefits and perks, replace full-time workers with temps or automation, and outsource jobs to foreign nations with cheap labor pools and abysmal records of human rights. This Wednesday, just days after the biggest shopping day of the season, the Chamber upped the ante by accusing several of America's foremost retailers of un-American activities for their refusal to open on the holiday to champion the values of free market enterprise that define the morality and might of the nation.

House Abandons Effort to Reopen Government, Says Permanent Shutdown Will Save Economy

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- As the government shutdown lumbers into its 16th day, pushing the United States precariously close to defaulting on its bonds, House Republicans abruptly scrapped plans Tuesday evening to vote on a revised budget and raise the debt ceiling before Thursday's deadline. The Senate had already been close to finalizing a proposal that would have prevented the default while keeping the government functioning until 2014. The House, however, announced that it was drafting its own resolution. Speaker John Boehner's failure to submit the conservative-friendly alternative is seen as a severe blow to his standing and authority. But shortly after House leaders officially called off their efforts, Boehner surprised reporters by admitting that ranking conservatives had no desire to reopen the government. Ever. "After considering everything in detail, we believe that leaving cumbersome elements of the federal government closed indefinitely will actually save our economy by doing away with unnecessary, financially prohibitive regulations."

House Republicans Brave Shutdown, Assure Worried Supporters: "We'll Manage to Put Food on Our Tables"

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- The shutdown of the federal government by House Republicans will enter its fourth day on Friday. Congress has yet to resolve the fiscal impasse with Democrats, despite a flurry of legislative activity this week. The frustrating inaction, which has led to furloughs and hundreds of thousands of government workers bereft of pay, was further complicated Thursday when a woman attempted to breach security by driving through blockades surrounding Capitol Hill. President Obama singled out House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio) as the primary impediment to progress, accusing the GOP of treating the American people as "pawns in some political game." House Republicans retorted that they too are among the countless Americans now out of work, and bravely reminded their constituents not to worry: "It's tough being unemployed, but like you, we'll find a way to keep the lights on and put food on the family table until this job situation turns around."

House Republicans Propose Bold Cuts to Prevent Obesity and Government Shutdown

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Obesity rates have more than doubled in U.S. adults and children since the 1970s, according to data from the National Center for Health Statistics. And while recent estimates suggest the overall figures have plateaued or even declined, Americans are still too fat; two-thirds of U.S. adults are considered overweight or obese by established health standards, having a body mass index of 25 or higher. But a bold majority of House Republicans sought to end this disturbing trend Friday by proposing radical reforms to dietary subsidies and health care. In the process, the budgetary proposal would simultaneously prevent a partial government shutdown, which neither party purports to want. "We're literally killing all the birds with one stone," Speaker John Boehner announced with pride.

As Civil War Threatens Labor Day Oil Prices, U.S. Considers Military Strikes Against Syria

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- After more than two years of condemning Syrian President Bashar al-Assad for the bloody conflict his regime launched in retaliation to the rebel uprisings in March 2011, the U.S. government finally threatened military intervention on Monday after al-Assad's use of chemical weapons against civilians became incontrovertible. The catalyst occurred on August 21, when snipers targeted U.N. weapons experts on their way to investigate an alleged chemical attack. Secretary of State John Kerry told reporters that President Obama is now seeking to hold al-Assad accountable for deploying "the world's most heinous weapons against the world's most vulnerable people." And those vulnerable people, according to Edward Kraftstofflieber, a senior analyst with the State Department, are consumers living in oil-reliant nations to the West. "For the first time, the Syrian conflict seems poised to disrupt oil transport," Kraftstofflieber warned. "With gas prices soaring and the Labor Day holiday fast approaching, we must act now."

Justice Department to Take Over Editorial Duties for Associated Press

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Amazon.com founder Jeff Bezos made headlines this week with his $250 million purchase of The Washington Post, one of the nation's most revered newspapers. Before that, Rupert Murdoch expanded his own global news empire when he took over The Wall Street Journal. Such purchases by corporate magnates are neither new nor particularly rare, but the Justice Department's revelation that it will soon assume the editorial duties for the Associated Press is unprecedented. Lorraine Kiesch, a senior linguistic analyst with Justice, made the announcement Thursday. She will be heading the AP after the acquisition and has assured the public that the DOJ's actions were undertaken solely in the interest of saving the not-for-profit news cooperative from ruin.

Gay Marriage Victory to Cripple Economy and Immigration Reform, Conservatives Warn

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- The U.S. Supreme Court delivered a watershed ruling on Wednesday by recognizing same-sex marriage in states where it has been legalized, striking down Section 3 of the 1996 Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), which restricts the definition of wedlock as between a man and a woman for the purposes of receiving federal benefits. But anti-gay conservatives derided the ruling as a "dangerous precedent set by activist judges that will cripple the economy and immigration reform." Justice Antonin Scalia, in his dissenting opinion, blasted the decision. Legalizing gay marriage, he declared, discriminates against people who are opposed to it. In that same vein, he also cried foul on the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and Voting Rights Act of 1965 for overturning segregationist Jim Crow Laws. Scalia deemed those decisions equivalently abhorrent because they discriminate against racists who don't wants blacks treated as equal citizens.

U.S. Condemns Slaughtering Dogs and Cats in China, Calls for End to Outsourcing

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- When food is scarce, people in China engage in the socially acceptable practice of eating dogs as an emergency food source. But feasting on companion pets such as dogs is also a tradition dating back thousands of years. Dog meat is rich and particularly nice on cold days, say people who regularly partake of it in certain regions. The animals are also slaughtered for their hides, which capture a decent price when sold to markets in the country's fur industry. Animal rights advocates around the world have condemned the abuses. Now, legislators in the United States have voiced their disapproval of the Chinese government's complicity in the gruesome trade. "It's another example of unnecessary outsourcing to countries with cheap labor," said F. Chester Greene, a conservative politician and 2016 White House hopeful from California. "We need to stop China from continuing to take our jobs. There's no reason able-bodied Americans can't butcher pets and cook them up."

CNN Admits Accessing AP Twitter Feed, Denies Hacking Allegations

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- The main Twitter account of the Associated Press (AP) was compromised Tuesday when alleged hackers posted a tweet about an implied terrorist attack on the White House. The message said President Obama had sustained injuries after two explosions erupted from 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. The spurious tweet panicked Wall Street investors and briefly sent stocks tumbling. Shortly after the FBI opened an investigation into the incident, the Syrian Electronic Army (SEA) took credit for hijacking the news cooperative's accounts. Authorities, however, could not corroborate the SEA's claims. On Wednesday, embarrassed representatives from CNN admitted that they had accessed the Twitter feed to help the AP break an "important developing story from a variety of reliable sources." CNN denied accusations of hacking or intentionally reporting falsehoods.