Friday, March 7, 2014

Alarming Drop in Childhood Obesity Rate Threatens Healthcare Industry and Economy, GOP Warns

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Obesity in the United States is considered by many health experts to have reached epidemic proportions. Immediately after President Obama took office, First Lady Michelle Obama launched an aggressive campaign to promote exercise, nutrition and healthy habits for young children. As of today, 10,000 child care centers across the nation have adopted Mrs. Obama’s program. Her progress, according to federal health authorities, has also inspired parents to buy healthier, lower-calorie foods for their children. The success of these efforts is historic and undeniable -- the CDC reported last week an unprecedented 43-percent drop in obesity rates among two- to five-year-old children. But Republican lawmakers warn that this fitness agenda is a dangerous aspect of Mr. Obama’s socialist healthcare reform, intended to cripple the nation’s thriving health insurance market and destroy the economy.

“If the health sector crumbles, so do the foundations of our country,” remarked Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas), a discernible note of fright in his voice. “Healthcare remains one of the top growth industries and jobs producers for the next decade. But if doctors and nurses have no patients to see, have no serious illnesses to treat, the results would be ruinous. Look at Canada, where I’m from. We’re talking massive layoffs, unfathomable unemployment figures, huge financial hits to the market and ripple effects across countless other industries.”

But this terrifying economic apocalypse, Cruz and others believe, is no accident -- it has been masterminded by the Democratic Party, whose leaders have spent decades working to pave the way for a new era of American Communism.

Recent evidence shows that overweight children are five times as likely to be obese during their adult years, increasing their risks for disease and premature death. Over one-third of American adults are currently overweight, but that population could significantly decline if fewer children maintain healthy lifestyles.

With the 43-percent drop in obesity, the next generation of adults will no longer struggle with heart disease, cancer, diabetes and stroke -- a devastating development, according to concerned Republican legislators and the lobbies they support for the welfare of the American people.

“This news is a death knell to medical professionals. We’ve basically told them that within 30 years time, they’ll be of no use,” noted Len Waybill, head economist for the conservative Peter Pinguid Society. “But that’s just the tip of this iceberg. The pharmaceutical companies? They’re done. Innovation, dead. The production of expensive drugs used to treat and manage at-risk people will dwindle, along with profits. What if the only drug we needed was aspirin? There go thousands of jobs and billions of dollars from circulation. Not to mention the other critical players who will be slaughtered as a result. Fast food companies, snack food manufacturers, soda pop bottlers, food additive developers, the chemists who design preservatives, corporate bakeries, every mom and pop doughnut shop -- trying to count all the businesses that will fold would be like trying to calculate pi to its final digit.”

But then, there will be no more pie, Waybill lamented.

2014. Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License. See disclaimers.

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