Friday, September 30, 2016

Trump’s Mic Was Defective: Google AI Bot Responsible for Ugly Remarks


SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Donald Trump’s detractors were given a precious gift this past Monday in the shape of a debate performance riddled with false statements, incorrect facts, petty attempts at character assassination, ad hominem attacks, misogyny, fat shaming, racial insensitivity and the temperamental antics of a generally unhinged human being. In fact, most critics argued that Trump only got one thing right: there are 28 members in NATO. However, that count has now doubled. Since the debate, Trump has insisted that audio problems in the room hindered his appearance. The Republican presidential candidate placed the lion’s share of the blame on his microphone. This Friday, the Commission on Presidential Debates (CPD) confirmed the claim.

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

SpaceX Mars Mission Challenges: Number One, Exploding Rockets


SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Speaking before the International Astronautical Congress in Guadalajara on Tuesday, SpaceX CEO Elon Musk finally revealed his plans for a manned mission to Mars, the first phase of his grander vision for colonization. Musk hopes to transport a million people to the Red Planet. The initial strategy involves the development of massive rocket boosters, all reusable, capable of launching a fleet of 1,000 vessels. Each craft will carry 100 passengers. After thrusting the ships into a “parking orbit,” the boosters would hurtle back to Earth for refueling. The rockets would return several times, carrying the propellant needed to help the ships complete the long voyage. Musk’s vision is bold, inspiring, imaginative and firmly rooted in America’s pioneering spirit of discovery and taking over land they don’t currently control. However, that’s not to say the journey will be simple or easy. Musk will need to overcome some critical challenges before his dreams blast off.

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Bennington Vale's Clinton-Trump Debate Highlights and Fact Checks


SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- On Monday night, Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump squared off for the first of their presidential debates. Within moments of their introductions, gloves came off, backs arched and feathers ruffled. Bennington Vale Evening Transcript staffers covered the debate live on Twitter from the sports bar at Piers Addleson’s Pea House. Highlights, revelations and surprises from the event follow. Special thanks to Piers and Astrid Addleson for reserving space in the bar at the last minute for our reporters, who were aggressively denied press passes to the venue.

Monday, September 26, 2016

Ted Cruz Endorses Trump for His Radical Honesty


SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Just months after a heated rivalry that ended in flared tempers and insults, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) made a stunning about-face Friday and endorsed Donald Trump’s presidential campaign -- even though he adamantly refused to during the Republican National Convention. Trump famously denigrated Heidi Cruz, the senator’s wife, and implied that Cruz’s father participated with Lee Harvey Oswald in the assassination of John F. Kennedy. Ironically, representatives for Cruz said those are precisely the reasons for the recent support. “Let’s face it, Senator Cruz understands what a terrible, awful monster he is,” a spokesperson confessed. “Yes, Mr. Trump insulted his wife and called his dad a murderer. But Ted Cruz respects Trump’s radical honesty. And that's what we need in the White House.”

Friday, September 23, 2016

Police Shooting Suspects Didn't Hear Orders Over Deafening Cop Gunfire, Study Shows


SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- When historians reflect on the first generation of this century, they may write of an era punctuated by strife, with its hallmarks taking the forms of social unrest, divisive politics, crumbling race relations after decades of progress, economic ruin and unprecedented levels of gun-related violence. Of particular concern is the growing perception that police around the country have become militarized, reactionary, rash and belligerent, especially in their treatment of minorities. A sweeping 2014 study of law enforcement practices suggested that suspects may not be resisting police -- they just can’t hear the officers’ orders over the barrage of gunshots and baton blows. A new update to the research expands its findings, confirms the conclusions drawn, and offers practical advice on how police can revise existing policies to remedy the problem.

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Trump Troubled by Shootings, Proposes Plan to “Help Keep Blacks from Provoking Cops”


SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Two recent shootings of African Americans by police have sparked fresh ire across cities in the South, fueling tense protests and riots. The spate of officer-involved fatalities, many of them dubiously rationalized and almost always targeting members of the black community, remains a disturbing trend. Because this election season is heating up, both presidential candidates understand the need to address the issue and propose remedial actions. Donald Trump, in a rare critique of law enforcement, condemned the September 16 shooting in Tulsa. He then announced his campaign’s alliance with the Southern Caucasians Urban Minority Mission (SCUMM), which teaches black Americans to prevent violent confrontations with racist police officers and NRA members. “Through this initiative, my administration will help keep blacks from provoking cops,” he told reporters.

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

The Skittles Menace: Its History of Terror and Trump's Important Warning


SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Liberal America awoke Tuesday morning hungry for another political assault against Donald Trump and his family. They found the seeds of their vitriol in a simple and misunderstood tweet from the presidential candidate’s eldest son. This latest social media uproar not only underscores the progressive rank-and-file’s disdain for Trump, which they long to distill across the more reasonable corners of the nation, it also illustrates how misguided their attacks have become. Trump Jr.’s post read: “If I had a bowl of skittles and I told you just three would kill you, would you take a handful? That’s our Syrian refugee problem.” Enraged pundits and Democrats decried the comparison between immigrants and sweets. Refugees are people, they roared, and Skittles are candy. But Trump seems to grasp a deeper truth than his critics will acknowledge. Skittles has a storied history of violence. Its roots reach deep into the Mars empire’s shadowy cabal, with undeniable intimations of terrorism.

Monday, September 19, 2016

Bic Announces 5000% Price Increase for Ballpoint Pens, Citing EpiPen Example


SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- The recent EpiPen scandal recounts a familiar and reprehensible tale of greed: a pharmaceutical company purchases a dated drug, boosts the price and, in the process, dismissively impedes patient access to medication. Over the past year, Martin Shkreli has served as the poster boy for this sort of unapologetic avarice. Now, exit Shkreli and enter Mylan, which hiked the price of its auto-injection devices by 400 percent. Mylan blamed the price increase on the costs of the pens -- the medicinal value of the drug inside amounting to only a handful of coins. Dubious as the claim may seem, it’s working. And other enterprises want to capitalize on this lucrative trend -- particularly Bic, which manufactures one of the most popular ballpoint pen brands. Echoing Mylan’s concerns about the soaring costs of materials and resources, Bic announced Monday that its writing instruments will now cost customers more than $50 a pack.
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