Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Trump Wishes Israel a 'Rad Summer' in Guestbook Note at Holocaust Memorial

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Touring the site of Yad Vesham, a national Holocaust memorial in Israel, is a customary stop for U.S. presidential visits. The mood is generally somber and contemplative, as reflected in the heartfelt messages left by previous heads-of-state in the guestbook. Following tradition, President Donald Trump also made an entry on the pages of this historic ledger, but in a style the Washington Post described as “strangely upbeat, self-referential and written in his signature all-caps.” Unlike his predecessor, who penned an emotional and elegant tribute, Trump seemed to have confused the record for a yearbook and wished Israel a “rad summer with bitchin waves.”

Monday, May 22, 2017

Horrified Spectators Watch Mime Suffocate While Trapped in Invisible Box


SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- On weekday afternoons along Man-of-War Boulevard, commuters in the Bennington Vale and Santa Calcetines are treated to a variety of street performances put on by aspiring artists from San Narciso College. But Monday, curiosity and amusement turned to terror as a young mime suffocated to death before a gathering of horrified onlookers who were helpless to extricate him from an invisible box.

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Trump Meets Turkish President Erdogan, Hands Over Nuclear Codes While Boasting


SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Following last week’s controversial meeting with Russian officials, in which President Trump divulged classified intelligence to foreign nationals who have been deemed hostile to U.S. interests, the White House welcomed Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan on Tuesday. Trump extended a warm greeting to Erdogan, an authoritarian ruler whose relationship with the United States has been strained and at times combative. The president praised his counterpart’s tough leadership style and boasted of a renewed alliance, remarking that he was eager to begin sharing sensitive state secrets with Turkey.

Monday, May 15, 2017

TASS Grants U.S. Press Access to Monitoring Devices Planted in Oval Office


SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- The day after President Trump fired FBI Director James Comey in a startling and virtually unprecedented decision, he raised further suspicion by hosting a closed-door meeting with Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov and Ambassador Sergey Kislyak -- during an active investigation into his possible collusion with Moscow. More troubling, the White House blocked U.S. reporters from attending the conference but allowed members of TASS, Russia’s state-controlled news agency, to be present. Intelligence officials condemned the action as a major security breach, explaining that Russian crews could have brought in concealed electronic monitoring apparatus. But in a largess to the beleaguered U.S. press, TASS has agreed to give American journalists access to the live-streaming audio and video devices it planted in the Oval Office last week.

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Acting FBI Director McCabe Excited About First and Probably Only Week in Office


SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Acting, and most likely interim, FBI Director Andrew McCabe rejected a series of assertions by the White House that his predecessor, James Comey, had compromised the bureau’s integrity, lost the faith of the public and frustrated peers with his insistence on squandering Justice Department resources for a costly crusade to validate Russia’s meddling in the election, which Trump described as a “minor concern” to employees. McCabe boldly contradicted Trump’s allegations and praised Comey. He then vowed that nothing could prevent the FBI from “doing the right thing” and pushing the probe forward. After his testimony on Capitol Hill, McCabe said, “I’m terribly excited to step into this role, and I’m looking forward to the one or maybe two weeks I’ll get to serve America as the director of the FBI.”
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