Celebrating Earth Day, Energy Producers Announce Drilling to Earth’s Core and Tapping Whale Oil as Renewable Source

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- According to global economists, there could be less than 46 years of oil supplies left, even if demand were to remain flat. Barring existing constraints on supplies, the world would likely see a 110-percent jump in demand by 2050, equivalent to 190 million barrels a day. But without discovering major new reserves or alternative energy sources, experts anticipate the growing demands to remain unmet. Even diversifying to natural gas would fail to ease the pressure on oil because its supply is as geographically dense. So in celebration of Earth Day, industry leaders announced plans to step up aggressive drilling programs and seek viable sources of renewable energy. The new strategy calls for boring a giant hole right down to the Earth’s core and revitalizing the whaling industry.

Obnoxious Foodies Force Area’s Most Popular Imaginary Tea Party to Close

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- For the past seven years, Bailey Kortright, 11, has hosted one of the most popular and longstanding imaginary tea parties in Bennington Vale. Her afternoon teas, in their early days, were open to every interested child in the affluent suburb. But as demand for seatings grew, exceeding the capacity of Bailey’s bedroom and her meager make-believe staff, the events became more exclusive. The waiting period for a coveted invitation now stretches to the start of the 2014-2015 school year. After Wednesday’s news, however, the hopes of many on that list were dashed. Bailey shocked the community this morning when she announced the end of the weekly Kortright Chai Chanoyu. “I am really sad to tell you we’re closing the doors on the tea party forever. And that’s because a bunch of obnoxious food snobs with allergies to everything have made it impossible to stay in business.”

Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Posted by BC Bass

Facebook Offers Surprise Challenge to Google Glass with Oculus Rift Wearable Social Network

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- For many Americans, April 15 is tax day, the annual deadline for filing state and federal returns. But this April 15, Google overshadowed the stress and dread associated with the date by hosting a one-day sales event for its wearable computer product Google Glass. Despite the steep price of $1,500 per unit, popular models sold out within hours of Tuesday’s launch. The thin virtual-reality device, which resembles eyeglasses, is designed to take the functionality of a smartphone and make it accessible through a display built into empty frames. But by late afternoon, rival developer Facebook announced the surprise sale of its competing virtual reality device Oculus Rift, which it acquired last month. “Google Glass is severely limited -- it projects a tiny version of a stripped down Android OS in one eye,” a Facebook representative said. “Oculus Rift is an immersive, 360-degree Facebook world that eliminates all the privacy concerns Glass has been catching flak for. But it does so much more.”

Despite Spending Slump, Research Shows Prom Still Not Cheap Excuse to Get Laid

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Researchers from San Narciso’s Poeslaw Institute for Social Research and Development (PISRAD) offered new information about the economic necessity of high school proms in a report published Wednesday. Despite the tight spending restrictions many families have imposed on themselves, the money shelled out on proms continued to increase over the last three years. This year, however, data from a Visa survey indicated that families may be reining in their prom budgets. “Although sometimes discounted as nostalgic displays of bygone pageantry -- criticized for being outdated or, even worse, deemed exclusionary to those not in the upper middle classes -- proms experienced a surge in harsh economic conditions that saw consumer spending drop in nearly every other sector,” said Janus Heuchler, PISRAD director and head of the project.

George R.R. Martin to Author Children's Book: "Everyone You Love Will Die...Horribly"

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Although George R.R. Martin creates fantastically lush and detailed realms in his immense "A Song of Fire and Ice" series, a sprawling medieval epic set in the fictitious world of Westeros, the stories do not shy away from the gritty realities of life and death. Far more than sword and sorcery, "A Song of Fire and Ice" exposes readers to the complex, deadly geopolitics associated with empire building and conquest. But now Martin wants to bring his message of life, hard times, death and war to a younger audience. He announced on Tuesday plans to create a series of children's books that promises to "treat kids like the tough, intelligent beings they are and not lie to them about how the world really works." He has tentatively titled the new franchise "Everyone You Love Will Die...Horribly...Butchered Before Your Sad Helpless Little Eyes."

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