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Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Executive Order on Climate Change: Pipelines and Coal Could Create Tens of Jobs

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SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Final construction of the Keystone XL pipeline resumed in January following President Trump’s success in clearing away political obstacles such as Native Americans. The project promises to create 35 permanent positions. The president’s latest executive order seeks to capitalize on those impressive employment figures by rolling back climate change policies that have hobbled the fossil fuel and coal mining industries. Analysts say this effort could create tens of jobs, which Trump hailed as “explosive double-digital growth.”

Monday, March 27, 2017

Second White House Intrusion: Devin Nunes Sneaks Onto Grounds, Undetected for Hours

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SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Just weeks after the Secret Service apprehended a schizophrenic man for illegally entering the White House grounds, another “bizarre” and “loopy” individual has come forward with an admission of bypassing security at the presidential estate. Authorities say this latest breach far exceeds the previous encounter because the suspect, House Intelligence Committee Chairman Rep. Devin Nunes, entered the Eisenhower Executive Office building, accessed privileged information and remained onsite for hours, without being detected. He is still free and at large.

Friday, March 24, 2017

HHS Appointee Fleming: Tattoos Appear Like Stigmata on Drug Users

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SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Prior to January 2017, John Fleming served as a representative for Louisiana’s 4th congressional district. More recently, he joined the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) as President’s Trump appointee for assistant secretary in charge of health technology. He answers to Secretary Tom Price. Fleming’s position garnered little, if any, media attention. But the public now wants to know how Fleming will help guide key health policies, given that Trump’s other cabinet picks have come under intense scrutiny. The answer may lie in Fleming’s 2006 book on adolescent addiction, which warns of the inextricable bond between counter-culture expressions -- including piercings, alternative music, modern fashion and tattoos -- and drugs, which appear like stigmata on those who sin against the white, 1950’s, American ideal that represents the Lord’s perfect realization of purity.

Thursday, March 23, 2017

Health Care Overhaul Vote Delayed: Bill Lacks Hate and Discrimination Promised

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SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Following a day of drama, marathon meetings, intense discussions and combative posturing, the vote to repeal and replace the Affordable Care Act (ACA) has been postponed until Friday. House Republicans must persuade at least 21 members of their caucus to support the bill, under the presumption that no Democrats will endorse it. However, 26 conservatives confirmed that they will vote against the current version of the American Health Care Act (AHCA). Four other Republicans stated they would likely oppose it. Despite concessions, the bill, derisively dubbed Obamacare Lite, “doesn’t begin to discriminate or hate hard enough,” opponents explained. “We were sold Mengele; what we got stank of Mother Teresa.”

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Trump Budget Ends Fascist Marine Sanctuaries, Saves Oil Spilling and Trash Dumping Jobs

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SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- In September 2014, former President Barack Obama again abused his executive privileges by unilaterally issuing a series of measures to shelter parts of the ocean from businesses, pushing the United States closer to economic ruin and communism. The misguided marine sanctuaries protect wide regions of the central Pacific from fishing, oil exploration and waste disposal enterprises -- powerful market sectors that must be revived to repair Obama’s depressed economy and restore employment to “billions of out-of-work Americans,” according to President Trump. His recently released budget plan aims to overcome these setbacks. Trump’s morally motivated cuts to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, and other environmental agencies, will seek to end the insidious “ecological fascism” that is eroding America’s greatness through the destruction of corporate fishing, oil spilling and trash dumping industries.
 
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