New Research: Minority Suspects Can’t Hear Police Orders Over Gunshots and Baton Blows

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- When historians look back on the rise of the millennial generation, they may define the hallmark of the era as an environment of strife -- social unrest, divisive politics, crumbling race relations after decades of past progress, economic ruin and unprecedented levels of gun-related violence. Of particular concern is the perception that the country’s peace officers have become militarized, reactionary, too quick to act and belligerent, especially around minority suspects. A sweeping study of law enforcement practices released Wednesday sheds new light on the problem: minority suspects may not be resisting police, they just can’t hear the officers’ orders over the barrage of gunshots or baton blows.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Posted by BC Bass

Ferguson Aftermath: NRA Adds Cigars to Deadly Sundries List, Issues Safety Tips for Unarmed Black Youths

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- The August 9 fatal shooting of unarmed 18-year-old Michael Brown in Ferguson, Mo., has revived the national debate on how to deal with African American youth who brandish convenience store items defiantly before authority figures -- Caucasian males with permits to carry firearms. The killing of Brown by police officer Darren Wilson has fueled protests, riots and a renewed focus on the ongoing crisis of race relations in the United States. Because there are at least seven known black households within San Narciso County, the mayor’s office has collaborated with local police and the National Rifle Association (NRA) to issue a list of threatening behaviors and potentially dangerous convenience store purchases to avoid for all unarmed, dark-skinned teenagers. “We strongly urge those in the target demographic to study these tips closely in order to safeguard their well-being during this heightened state of alert,” advised Mayor Manny DiPresso.

Aspiring Comic Book Artist Found Mauled to Death by Cougar

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Just three weeks ago, a long-time comic book fan and pulp fiction aficionado from San Narciso County received the job offer of his dreams -- assistant penciller for an imprint of DC Comics. He was packed and ready to take the train south to San Diego, Calif., for the annual Comic-Con convention, which showcases the best in comics, graphic novels, superheroes and pop culture. While there, he would have met with publishing executives for an opportunity to pitch his self-created series, “Coit Manhandler: Cougar Master.” But in turns tragic and ironic, the young man’s parents found their son dead early Wednesday morning, the apparent victim of a cougar attack. The mutilated corpse was discovered beside a pile of first edition Hulk comics, wearing a blood-spattered Superman cape and Star Wars Stormtrooper helmet. Investigators said he died as he lived -- a consummate virgin.

Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Posted by BC Bass

Fresh Milf? Dairy Apologizes for Misleading Typo on New Logos

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Except for the lactose intolerant, gluten-fearing residents of Santa Calcentines, nearly every household in San Narciso County has its dairy products delivered by Delta Ann’s Dairy Air, which retains the 1950s-era charm of old fashioned trucks, glass bottles and pre-dawn door-to-door services. The heritage of the “milkman” is something the dairy honors and proudly promotes. But the public relations team for Delta Ann’s Dairy Air faced an unexpected backlash of community outrage this Thursday for which it has spent more time milking forgiveness than cows. The issue stems from a typographical error that appeared on the logo of 20 trucks in the new fleet and on the company’s website. Got Milf? That’s what thousands of customers were wondering this morning, as a result.

Historic Seconds: Brazil Loses World Cup at Home Again and Germans Hide in South America for Safety

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- For the second time in the nation’s soccer-obsessed history, Brazil saw its hopes of winning a World Cup on home soil dashed. After waiting 64 years and spending nearly $11 billion to host the tournament, Brazil’s forces proved no match for the powerful German blitz. Before 30 minutes had elapsed, invading German troops had launched five successful offensives against Brazil, eventually trampling the host country by a score of seven to one. Sources reported that some Brazilians managed to escape the occupation in tears around halftime, before the Germans razed the area in what was trumpeted as “the final solution to the FIFA problem.”

Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Posted by BC Bass

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