Conservatives Praise McKinney Police Confrontation as Progress: No Unarmed Black Teens Killed by Cops

Officer Eric Casebolt bravely subdues unarmed, 100-lb black teen without shooting her to death.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- A birthday pool party in the affluent Craig Ranch community of McKinney, Texas, erupted in chaos and violence early Friday evening amid accusations of police racism and brutality. The excessive actions of Corporal Eric Casebolt -- which included a lot of profanity, a James T. Kirk-inspired combat roll, tackling scantily clad girls in bikinis who were armed with only towels, and drawing his sidearm on bystanders attempting to peacefully diffuse the aggression -- renewed public outcry about the extreme use of force by police. But Republican lawmakers in the South see the situation differently. According to them, the fact that no unarmed black teens were actually blown to pieces by cops demonstrates “tremendous restraint and progress in the evolution of our peacekeeping policies.”

Rising Unemployment and Poverty Help California Drought Relief as More Households Have Water Service Shut Off

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- As summer approaches, California is preparing to enter its fourth year of a record-breaking and potentially devastating drought. Concerns voiced by state lawmakers and emergency management officials about the crisis led Gov. Jerry Brown to declare a state of emergency. But this week, despite lackluster conservation efforts and voluntary rationing, some of Southern California’s largest cities managed to exceed the state’s cutback goals. “California still leads the nation in unemployment,” one assemblyperson noted. “Our long-term jobless have been forced to eliminate a lot of luxuries and extraneous bills from their lives to stave off poverty. The silver lining is that their inability to keep the water on is working wonders for our attempts to lower consumption and usage levels.”

Suicide Rates Rising for Black Youth Faced with Being Murdered in Their Teens by White Cops

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- A new study of suicide among children under 12 has produced some alarming results. Researchers examined records from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), which tracks mortality and suicide rates, between the years of 1993 and 2012, targeting kids between five and 11 years old. They found that a total of 657 children took their own lives during that time -- an average of 33 per year. Even more distressing, incidents of suicide among black youths have doubled. The study’s lead author attributed the problem to several factors: increased exposure to violence and traumatic stress, early onset of puberty and depression. “Basically,” he explained, “the closer black youngsters get to reaching their teenage years, the more likely they are to perish at the hands -- and gun barrels -- of white police officers. So, that could account for the increased exposure to violence, depression and so forth.”

George Zimmerman Shot At By Former Victim: “This Is What Happens When You Don’t Kill Someone You’re Stalking”

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- George Zimmerman, in a frightening change of circumstance, found himself on the business end of a pistol Monday. The incident occurred during a near-deadly bout of road rage, sparked when the former neighborhood watch volunteer waved a firearm at a man in another vehicle. The shooter, identified as Matthew Apperson, had previously had a run-in with Zimmerman back in September 2014. During that confrontation, Apperson suffered an unprovoked assault by Zimmerman, who accused him of shaking a finger at his truck. Perceiving the digit-wagging as a grave threat to his life -- one perhaps more perilous than an unarmed black teenager brandishing Skittles and iced tea -- Zimmerman cautioned the would-be assailant that he would “f***ing kill” him. This event, one in a growing string of encounters with police, reveals a more complex view of Florida’s Stand Your Ground law than the media portrayed during the Trayvon Martin hearings: mainly that someone as paranoid and terrified of everything as George Zimmerman needs “shoot-first” type protections.

Texas School Says Biblical Plague, Not Chlamydia, Responsible for Outbreak

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- A high school in Crane, Texas, has found itself battling an epic chlamydia outbreak, according to health officials looking into a rash of recently reported problems. Currently, 300 students at Crane High have been diagnosed with the irritating but highly treatable condition. Members of the Texas educational system seemed confused by the Department of Health’s pronouncement, claiming that the presence of a sexually transmitted disease at the campus is virtually impossible, especially since Madonna has refused to play the senior prom for decades. The school does not offer sexual education -- Crane High instead relies on a faith-based abstinence-only program. “Our kids aren’t having sexual relations,” one administrator said. “It’s a sin, and they know it. The only explanation for this plague is that God has cursed us with the boils of Egypt.”

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