Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Donald Sterling Cops to Reverse Racism: 'The Team is Mostly Black, I Should Have Hired More Whites'

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- NBA Commissioner Adam Silver unleashed the association’s harshest punishment against Clippers owner Donald Sterling on Tuesday, issuing a lifetime ban and levying a $2.5 million fine, the maximum financial penalty permitted by the league. The decision came in the wake of racist remarks Sterling made to his mixed-race mistress, which she took public. On a recording released by TMZ, a man and woman -- presumably Sterling and his girlfriend V. Stiviano -- fought about Stiviano’s Instagram photos in which she frequently appeared posing with African Americans. Sterling on Wednesday maintained his defense, going so far as to declare himself the Thomas Jefferson of Basketball, but surprisingly admitted that he may unintentionally have been guilty of reverse racism. “If you look at the ethnic composition of the team, which is mostly colored, it’s clear to me now that I unfairly excluded whites from the sport.”

Monday, April 28, 2014

Malaysian Airlines Search Expanded to Cover Outer Space

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- On March 8, Malaysian Airlines Flight 370 went missing with 239 people aboard. Its disappearance from radar without any signs of trouble from the cockpit, combined with revelations about suspicious passengers and conflicting information disseminated by the Malaysian government, have fueled the mystery and countless conspiracy theories. Rescuers canvassed the plane’s likeliest resting places with coordinated aerial searches and the deployment of a Bluefin-21 underwater vehicle that scans the seabed with sonar equipment. But despite the massive and ongoing efforts, no one has yet to locate the gigantic 777 in a confined swath of ocean where black box pings were detected consistently. On Tuesday, frustrated crews announced a radical expansion of the hunt to cover outer space.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Celebrating Earth Day, Energy Producers Announce Drilling to Earth’s Core and Tapping Whale Oil as Renewable Source

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- According to global economists, there could be less than 46 years of oil supplies left, even if demand were to remain flat. Barring existing constraints on supplies, the world would likely see a 110-percent jump in demand by 2050, equivalent to 190 million barrels a day. But without discovering major new reserves or alternative energy sources, experts anticipate the growing demands to remain unmet. Even diversifying to natural gas would fail to ease the pressure on oil because its supply is as geographically dense. So in celebration of Earth Day, industry leaders announced plans to step up aggressive drilling programs and seek viable sources of renewable energy. The new strategy calls for boring a giant hole right down to the Earth’s core and revitalizing the whaling industry.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Obnoxious Foodies Force Area’s Most Popular Imaginary Tea Party to Close

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- For the past seven years, Bailey Kortright, 11, has hosted one of the most popular and longstanding imaginary tea parties in Bennington Vale. Her afternoon teas, in their early days, were open to every interested child in the affluent suburb. But as demand for seatings grew, exceeding the capacity of Bailey’s bedroom and her meager make-believe staff, the events became more exclusive. The waiting period for a coveted invitation now stretches to the start of the 2014-2015 school year. After Wednesday’s news, however, the hopes of many on that list were dashed. Bailey shocked the community this morning when she announced the end of the weekly Kortright Chai Chanoyu. “I am really sad to tell you we’re closing the doors on the tea party forever. And that’s because a bunch of obnoxious food snobs with allergies to everything have made it impossible to stay in business.”

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Facebook Offers Surprise Challenge to Google Glass with Oculus Rift Wearable Social Network

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- For many Americans, April 15 is tax day, the annual deadline for filing state and federal returns. But this April 15, Google overshadowed the stress and dread associated with the date by hosting a one-day sales event for its wearable computer product Google Glass. Despite the steep price of $1,500 per unit, popular models sold out within hours of Tuesday’s launch. The thin virtual-reality device, which resembles eyeglasses, is designed to take the functionality of a smartphone and make it accessible through a display built into empty frames. But by late afternoon, rival developer Facebook announced the surprise sale of its competing virtual reality device Oculus Rift, which it acquired last month. “Google Glass is severely limited -- it projects a tiny version of a stripped down Android OS in one eye,” a Facebook representative said. “Oculus Rift is an immersive, 360-degree Facebook world that eliminates all the privacy concerns Glass has been catching flak for. But it does so much more.”

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Despite Spending Slump, Research Shows Prom Still Not Cheap Excuse to Get Laid

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Researchers from San Narciso’s Poeslaw Institute for Social Research and Development (PISRAD) offered new information about the economic necessity of high school proms in a report published Wednesday. Despite the tight spending restrictions many families have imposed on themselves, the money shelled out on proms continued to increase over the last three years. This year, however, data from a Visa survey indicated that families may be reining in their prom budgets. “Although sometimes discounted as nostalgic displays of bygone pageantry -- criticized for being outdated or, even worse, deemed exclusionary to those not in the upper middle classes -- proms experienced a surge in harsh economic conditions that saw consumer spending drop in nearly every other sector,” said Janus Heuchler, PISRAD director and head of the project.

Monday, April 7, 2014

George R.R. Martin to Author Children's Book: "Everyone You Love Will Die...Horribly"

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Although George R.R. Martin creates fantastically lush and detailed realms in his immense "A Song of Fire and Ice" series, a sprawling medieval epic set in the fictitious world of Westeros, the stories do not shy away from the gritty realities of life and death. Far more than sword and sorcery, "A Song of Fire and Ice" exposes readers to the complex, deadly geopolitics associated with empire building and conquest. But now Martin wants to bring his message of life, hard times, death and war to a younger audience. He announced on Tuesday plans to create a series of children's books that promises to "treat kids like the tough, intelligent beings they are and not lie to them about how the world really works." He has tentatively titled the new franchise "Everyone You Love Will Die...Horribly...Butchered Before Your Sad Helpless Little Eyes."

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Supreme Court’s Campaign Finance Ruling Makes It Easier than Ever to Invest in America

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- In an historic 5 to 4 decision, the U.S. Supreme Court on Wednesday overturned a key provision of federal campaign finance law by relaxing limitations on individual contributions. Under the new rules, donors may give money to as many candidates, political parties and committees as they like. The justices also eliminated the cumulative caps of $48,600 to candidates and $74,600 to state and local committees during each term. Political watchdogs and advocates for campaign finance reform noted that under the new rules, or lack thereof, a donor with the financial means could contribute nearly $6 million to support every committee and every member of Congress belonging to his party of choice. Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus praised the high court’s ruling as a “long overdue move to make slogans like ‘Invest in America’ and ‘Own a Piece of the American Dream’ hard realities.”

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Google Kills Search and YouTube in Latest Round of Spring Cleaning

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) – Every spring, to the dismay of many, Google retires several of its underperforming services as part of an initiative called “spring cleaning,” establishing a disturbing trend of axing services that thousands of users depend on. Among famously shuttered features were iGoogle and Google Mini. Other victims have included Google Desktop, Google Notebook, Sidewiki and Aardvark. The company came under fire last year when it announced the demise of Google Reader, the RSS feed aggregator launched in 2005. It also did away with Building Maker and Cloud Connect. On Tuesday, Google continued its belligerent slash-and-burn campaign -- and upped the ante to unprecedented degrees -- by announcing the end of YouTube and, just hours ago, its flagship product Search.

Copyright © 2014 The Bennington Vale Evening Transcript. Template Designed by OddThemes - WP Themes