BREAKING NEWS

Thursday, February 28, 2013

Connecticut Toddlers Could Have Stopped Murderous Grandmother Had They Been Armed, NRA Says

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- A mentally ill Connecticut woman killed her two grandsons Tuesday afternoon and then turned the gun on herself, according to state police. Debra Denison, 47, suffered from bipolar disorder and other mental health problems. This tragedy, to many, further illustrates the link between a faulty mental health system and overly lenient regulations for owning and carrying firearms. They cite the countless shooting deaths that have marred American communities over the last several months. But Wayne LaPierre, executive vice president of the National Rifle Association (NRA), stood by his controversial statement that preventing tragedies such as these requires more "good guys with guns." His talking points were repeated this week by Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC) in a contentious senate hearing about reinstating assault rifle bans.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Yahoo CEO Ends Telecommuting, Saying Internet Kills Interpersonal Communication

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer, who famously returned to work just two weeks after giving birth to her son, made news again Monday by issuing an edict that ends the company's telecommuting policies. The memo sent by Jackie Reses, Yahoo's human resources director, ordered employees who work remotely to return to their physical office locations or quit. The Internet pioneer's announcement told workers that "being at Yahoo isn't just about your day-to-day job, it is about the interactions and experiences that are only possible in our offices." It also reminded those employees that social networking, instant messaging and other electronic communications have actually stifled interpersonal relationships, and serve to alienate people from meaningful exchanges.

Monday, February 25, 2013

Contrite Oscars Producers Had 'No Idea Seth MacFarlane Would Act Like Seth MacFarlane'

Photo courtesy AP
SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Sunday night marked the debut of multi-faceted animator, voice actor and crooner Seth MacFarlane as host of Hollywood's most prestigious event, the Academy Awards. In an evening that famously parades the elite of the film industry's winners and losers, MacFarlane was counted among the victors, according to Nielsen ratings for the Oscars telecast. An average of 40.3 million viewers tuned in to watch the ceremony. The figures represented a modest two-percent increase from last year, when Billy Crystal returned to host, but the highest numbers since 2010. Nielsen analysts attributed the bump to an 11-percent increase among viewers 18 to 49, the demographic most important to advertisers -- and most likely to consider themselves fans of MacFarlane's work. Despite the ratings, however, criticism of MacFarlane was widespread. His efforts were blasted as inappropriate, offensive, sexist and antagonistic. On Monday, a spokesperson for Academy President Hawk Koch apologized and told dejected fans, "We had no idea Seth MacFarlane would act like Seth MacFarlane. We are deeply sorry to all those offended by Mr. MacFarlane's inappropriate Seth MacFarlane humor."

Thursday, February 14, 2013

'Blade Runner' Oscar Pistorius Kills Girlfriend for Failing Voight-Kampff Test

Voight-Kampff Machine
SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- "Blade Runner" Oscar Pistorius is suspected of killing his model girlfriend, Reeva Steenkamp, after claiming she failed something called a Voight-Kampff test. Police psychologists have been brought into the investigation, and are desperately trying to figure out what a Voight-Kampff test is or does. The celebrated South African couple, according to their public Twitter posts, were anticipating a romantic Valentine's Day. Steenkamp, 29, encouraged her followers to "get excited" about the holiday. But Pistorius' tweets turned more ominous, boasting of his marksmanship at a shooting range. The double-amputee Olympian issued no public statement, but authorities have said he is cooperating with the investigation. They also admitted that Pistorius, 26, seems to believe -- and has alluded to being -- some sort of government agent on a clandestine mission to detect potentially harmful androids, which he calls "replicants," manufactured by a large technology company in Johannesburg.

Inspired Valentine's Day Events for Lonely Singles

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- If you live in Bennington Vale and fall into that odd one percent of the city's unwed yet heterosexual residents, then February 14 can present an understandably bleak outlook. St. Valentine would probably agree. According to legend, Valentine refused to deny Christ at the exhortations of Emperor Claudius in the year 280. For this, he had his head lopped off. But not before he restored hearing and sight to the jailer's daughter. Hell of a guy. Has that "Green Mile" feel to it. It's an inspiring story; deeds most worthy of canonization. But that's not why so many people will be reading "The Bell Jar" by candlelight alone this evening. No, Esther Howland is why. You see, back in 1847, this woman took what most considered to be another minor day of veneration and began mass producing embossed paper-lace hearts, the kind she'd seen in Europe, using the resources of her father's book and stationery store in Worcester, Mass. Esther Howland is why so many people, unlike the saint's executioners, will not be getting Valentine's head tonight. Fortunately, we at The Bennington Vale Evening Transcript have reached out across the community to find some lovely things to fill in that hole where your heart should have been. It's better than sticking your head in an oven, we promise.

 
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