RICHMOND, Va. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- With Lent nearing, Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell says he is poised to sign controversial "conscience clause" legislation that would allow faith-based adoption agencies to discriminate against families for religious and political differences. The bill protects private agencies from legal retaliation for denying placements based on sexual orientation, age, disability, gender, family status or political beliefs. It passed the state's Senate Tuesday, having previously been approved by the Republican-controlled House of Delegates earlier in the month. Virginia Catholic Conference Executive Director Jeff Caruso noted that "the bill does not change adoption or foster care law in any way, and it doesn't change who can or cannot adopt or be foster parents." Despite backlash from affirmative action and civil rights groups, the bill comes as welcome news to a number of Satanic cults that have previously been forced to place children of "liberated, carnal beasts" into Christian homes, which they describe as "prisons of guilt, oppression and anti-individuality."

The initial framers and proponents of the bill were mostly conservative Christians, but support for the legislation has quickly spread to a number of non-Christian organizations and countries with conflicting political ideologies. Members of several devil-worshipping cults expressed relief that they may now prevent followers of Jesus from adopting -- and subsequently corrupting -- children of demonic faiths.

Drake Brawnley, operator of the Babes of Belial orphanage in Richmond, Va., said: "We've been waiting for a law like this to pass for decades. If it takes hold here, it could certainly make its way across other Republican strongholds. I, for one, can rest easier knowing that our children are going to good homes with parents who can nurture their primal desires while instructing them in the ways of The Beast. Right now, we have to place most of our kids in Christian households, where they're denied participation in blood sacrifices, ritualistic orgies with elders, torture acts, or coming-of-age mutilations. I should clarify that being molested by priests doesn't count. But these children deserve to fulfill their destinies within the realm of The Dark Master as their parents had envisioned. They deserve a chance."

Scientologists also celebrated the bill. They believe Jesus Christ was an agent of an alien mind-control organization imported to Earth for its corruption -- a revelation the religion's founder L. Ron Hubbard imparted to his disciples in the 1950s. Grant Ferrentine, who runs a Scientology adoption facility in San Francisco, Calif., agreed with Satanists that the law has unfairly forced him to place children in destructive Christian environments.

"The Christian movement is based on the victim, of victimizing people into submission," Ferrentine explained. "As Scientologists, our goal is to convert those victims into people. We can't succeed when the courts tell us we must send children to homes where they will be made victims. It's inhumane, frankly."

L. Ron Hubbard's son, in a landmark interview, described his childhood as full of black magic worship, adultery and group sex, abortion rituals performed by his father with a coat hanger, and drugs.

"Yes," Ferrentine admitted, "drugs were an important part of Ron Jr.'s childhood development. His father believed they were the best way to get closer to the Antichrist. But with all of these things forbidden in Judeo-Christian homes, our children have no chance for success in the real world, spiritual salvation or moral achievement. This bill, if it gains traction, can only help us right these wrongs."

The legislation also affects foreign countries that provide adoption services to parents within the United States. As the U.S. system becomes increasingly more complex and bureaucratic, many Americans have turned to Russia and China for children. Representatives from agencies in those countries praise the work of Governor McDonnell, saying they will no longer be obligated to "doom" their nation's youth to lives as "evil, capitalist pigs."

(c) 2012. See disclaimers.