Friday, November 30, 2012
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
|Lindsay Lohan, 26, prematurely aging|
Friday, November 23, 2012
Walmart Begins Black Friday on Thursday, Over 20 Trampled to Death as Employees Rushed to Make Their Shifts
"The first feast, so to speak, may also have been the nation's first Last Meal." -- Abel Wharfinger
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Friday, November 9, 2012
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Campus Fire Result of Students Celebrating Guy Fawkes on Wrong Night, Not Staging Violent Obama Protest
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
This is serious. Several districts throughout the nation have reported incidents of voter suppression, obstruction, and irregularities with electronic voting machines. If you are turned away at the polling place for any reason, ask to file a provisional ballot, demand the name of the person who turned you away, and call 866-MYVOTE1.
Monday, November 5, 2012
My quote-unquote peers, on the other hand, clearly have nothing better to do with their time, your vote, or all that PAC money they've raised. They don't care about you. In fact, one could argue that they really hate your guts. But I understand that dignity is precious; that your intelligence has done nothing to warrant insult; and I've saved my money to beat the spineless, vacuous waste of outside air who hopes to earn his coveted seat in the Oval Office. See, I've bided my time to go against that moron, who will probably be an elitist with a history of questionable spiritual convictions, wishy-washy policies, and serial marriages. Or, it'll be the Mormon. I'm banking on the write-in vote, which gives you more power over your ballot by transforming it into a mandate -- not a glorified Scantron. Plus, as a write-in candidate, I've got a better chance of earning your vote since you've no doubt realized what festering idiots -- of heroically vile proportions -- these candidates really are. If you're mad as hell and don't want to take it anymore, then write my name on your ballot for president. If you're not sure why, here's a list of my positions -- of the things we all should stand for.