SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Actor Shia LaBeouf, donning a bag over his head in public, continues to decry what fleeting celebrity he once had and insists that he is no longer famous. Yet, LaBeouf has embarked on a very public apology tour, which has culminated in a Los Angeles art installation titled “#IAmSorry.” In the exhibition, the no-longer-famous actor sits at a table, bagged visage and all, with implements that include whiskey, pliers, candy, a ukulele, film artifacts such as a “Transformers” toy and a bullwhip (á la Indiana Jones)*, and a copy of Daniel Clowes’ book “The Death Ray.” The latter is the most revealing because LaBeouf recently confessed, although with a feigned sense of ignorance, that he utterly plagiarized another of Clowes’ stories. Now, LaBeouf is again being attacked as a flagrant plagiarist for a new project he claims to have authored, which depicts the story of an ancient Hebrew rabbi who claims a divine birthright, is persecuted as a result, dies during a crucifixion and returns to Earth in the spiritual form of a messiah.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Over the last week, the mainstream media has maliciously attempted to discredit presidential hopeful Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky.) with claims that he plagiarized a number of speeches and entire sections of his books. Although Paul has responded with only terse denials and the suggestion that slander should be grounds for justifiable homicide under the rules of the duello, The Bennington Vale Evening Transcript has obtained an unreleased draft of a speech he is expected to give later this week. We are told this is not an apology, only a formal statement and defense on the matter.