Friday, February 21, 2014

Postal Service Announces 2015 Release of Steve Jobs iStamp 1.0 with Financing Options

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- The U.S. Postal Service (USPS) revealed Friday that Steve Jobs, the technology guru and cultural icon behind the cultish electronic lifestyle company that is Apple Inc., had approved a commemorative postage stamp slated for a 2015 release. Stamp designs are typically private affairs that are kept under wraps from the public until their printing. It seems ironic that the struggling postal service would honor one of the pioneers of electronic mail, but representatives for the USPS admitted that the conditions Jobs placed on his authorization for the stamp created an unprecedented profit opportunity for the agency.

Steve Jobs had an irrefutable reputation as a control freak. He personally oversaw the aesthetics and development processes for his products, right down to the look and feel of the packaging. Jobs also involved himself in setting prices.

“Despite being one of our greatest nemeses, Mr. Jobs has inadvertently bestowed a wonderful largess on the Postal Service,” said Heidi Jesdonfer, Assistant Postmaster for San Narciso County. “That doesn’t negate the fact that we see him more as the Satan of physical correspondence than as the Henry Ford of computers. Although both creatures thrilled in tormenting Jews and dwelt in unbearable realms of agony and despair -- Satan in Hell and Ford, of course, in Detroit.”

Jobs initially balked at the idea of coordinating with the USPS but reluctantly agreed to approve a stamp so long as conditions “in line with and amenable to Apple Inc.’s contractual controls over vendors” were met, explained Jesdonfer. Such controls included the stamp’s cosmetic design and artwork, the adhesives used, the paper quality, pricing, distribution methods, end user licensing agreements, digital rights management and a planned obsolescence clause.

The Steve Jobs Commemorative Stamp, or iStamp 1.0, once printed, will be available only to users with valid Apple IDs through the iTunes Store. Consumers interested in the stamp must register for an Apple ID with a valid credit card, if they do not already have such credentials. The latest version of Apple’s iTunes software must be downloaded in order to access the iTunes Store. Apple executives verified that under no circumstances will the stamps be available for purchase through the company’s website, the post office, the grocery store or any businesses otherwise permitted to sell postage.

Once purchased, the stamps will be shipped to consumers through a private parcel and logistics outfit such as UPS or FedEx. Apple representatives said the stamps will be packaged in a sleek, aesthetically pleasing box designed by Jobs himself. Users will incur all shipping charges and a “nominal convenience fee” for the customized box.

After six months, the stamps will no longer be supported, requiring users who need additional postage to purchase the next-generation iStamp 1.0 S model. The estimated cost for a book of 10 stamps is $949.00 USD. Apple said it would make its existing financing options for devices available to consumers interested in iStamps, upon approved credit.

2014. Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License. See disclaimers.

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