SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Amazon.com founder Jeff Bezos made headlines this week with his $250 million purchase of The Washington Post, one of the nation's most revered newspapers. Before that, Rupert Murdoch expanded his own global news empire when he took over The Wall Street Journal. Such purchases by corporate magnates are neither new nor particularly rare, but the Justice Department's revelation that it will soon assume the editorial duties for the Associated Press is unprecedented. Lorraine Kiesch, a senior linguistic analyst with Justice, made the announcement Thursday. She will be heading the AP after the acquisition and has assured the public that the DOJ's actions were undertaken solely in the interest of saving the not-for-profit news cooperative from ruin.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- As new details emerge about the Justice Department's unsettling encroachment on the freedom of the press, which involved secret searches of electronic records belonging to Associated Press (A.P.) employees, the more dubious and overblown the government's rationale appears. In fact, The A.P. and the Obama administration had discussed the piece in question prior to its publication, although The A.P. broke the story a day before the White House planned an official announcement. "Any details about potential disasters, terrorism or government operations that make their way to the American people before proper scrutiny and validation are considered potential risks to life and limb," Attorney General Eric Holder said. On Wednesday, after what administration insiders described as an acute panic attack, an increasingly paranoid Holder seized all the records from Wikipedia, Britannica Online, countless personal blogs and three publishing houses that sell the writings of Nostradamus.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- The main Twitter account of the Associated Press (AP) was compromised Tuesday when alleged hackers posted a tweet about an implied terrorist attack on the White House. The message said President Obama had sustained injuries after two explosions erupted from 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. The spurious tweet panicked Wall Street investors and briefly sent stocks tumbling. Shortly after the FBI opened an investigation into the incident, the Syrian Electronic Army (SEA) took credit for hijacking the news cooperative's accounts. Authorities, however, could not corroborate the SEA's claims. On Wednesday, embarrassed representatives from CNN admitted that they had accessed the Twitter feed to help the AP break an "important developing story from a variety of reliable sources." CNN denied accusations of hacking or intentionally reporting falsehoods.