SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- By now, people on the west coast of the United States know that many segments of Southern California have fallen under Muslim rule. On Monday, the elite team of Islam experts at Fox News released a map from the Clarion Project identifying at least eight U.S. states that have been toppled by regimes bent on imposing Shari’a law. These enclaves, which until now had plagued only isolated cities across the United Kingdom and France, have spread to California, Texas, Michigan, New York, Virginia, Tennessee, South Carolina and Georgia. Outside police are forbidden to enter, and extremist religious prohibitions have replaced our once liberty laden constitutional freedoms -- rules enforced by armed jihadists who patrol the enclaves. Still, the fact remains that Southern California endures as a tourist mecca, the home of Hollywood, trendy beachfront communities and the Magic Kingdom. So how does a visitor safely navigate between famous attractions and no-go zones? Here is a simple traveler’s guide, based on extensive Fox News research, to help you return home with your head attached.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- A jury awarded $8,000 this week to a disabled man who sued Disneyland for leaving him stranded on an immobile boat in the "It's a Small World" attraction after a 30-minute breakdown in 2009. At least half of that amount was provided as compensation for the pain and suffering the man incurred from exposure to the incessant loop of the theme song, which played over and over again at deafening volumes. The victim suffered an acute panic attack and did not medically stabilize for over three hours, according to paramedics. But on Wednesday, as seven other traumatized passengers from that ill-fated voyage stepped forward to sue the Happiest Place on Earth, the court found Disneyland guilty of eight criminal counts of torture. The ruling, analysts predict, will significantly impact the Anaheim resort's profits after settlements, legal costs, OSHA fines and mandated renovations to the attraction are factored. As a result, economists believe next year's ticket prices could soar to over $1,700 per person for a one-day admission to the park.

ANAHEIM, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- This past Sunday, November 6, marked the fifth unofficial Harry Potter Day at the Disneyland Resort in Anaheim, Calif. According to the organizer’s website: “Our event draws Potter fans from all over the Southland and far beyond for a day of mirth, mischief and magic! The elves are hard at work putting together this year’s festivities, which will include a scavenger hunt (of sorts) the likes of which you’ve never experienced before.”

Upon entering the park, costumed fans of the boy wizard franchise enrolled in “classes,” at which point they received their scavenger hunt lists. According to Disneyland representatives, the event was intended to help promote socialization among “potential pariahs and shut-ins.” For those Potter fans unlikely to fully integrate with American culture, Disney had also hoped to provide a nurturing platform to help them transition into the inevitable Renaissance Faire lifestyle awaiting them in their 40s. Unfortunately, a day meant for magic and merriment ended in tears and heartbreak.