SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- This weekend through Monday, many neighborhoods in the county will receive ghostly visitors in the form of trick-or-treaters. Bennington Vale and Santa Calcetines will likely host the lion’s share of these candy seeking goblins. Halloween should be a spooky, thrilling and safe holiday. For that reason, the San Narciso Police Department is reminding residents that continuing illicit Halloween traditions can be dangerous and may result in jail time. Some individuals, in past All Hallow’s Eve celebrations, have engaged in dangerous behaviors that include “hogging,” hamster juggling (a zero-tolerance offense) and the reprehensible creation of “jack-ov-lanterns” -- a sick practice started two years ago by Russian exchange students that involves bodily defiling pumpkins, which will be considered a biohazard and a flagrant act of terrorism. Following is a complete list of Do’s and Don’ts to ensure that you have the best Halloween ever!

PUBLIC SAFETY ANNOUNCEMENT

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- It's that time of year again! The Annual Bennington Vale Christmas Parade is scheduled for Saturday, December 6, 2014. Sidewalks CANNOT be reserved with personal property, which includes unattended children and the elderly, until 5:00 p.m. or 5:30 p.m. if center medians are used. The parade route spans Maxwell Street, Cape Horn Avenue and Tragic Courier’s Way, ending at Lake Inverarity’s Fangoso Lagoons. The estimated duration of the event is three hours.

Special Safety Procedures for Large, Unarmed Black Teens

As a special reminder, due to the increased sensitivity of race relations and the subsequent pressures placed on police agencies across the nation, we ask that all large, slow-moving, unarmed black teens observe heightened safety protocols. A special area has been roped off near the end of the parade route, close to the security station. To avoid confrontations with frightened police officers, always remain seated, preferably on your hands. Do not make any sudden movements, including waving, whistling, smiling, blinking or applauding parade floats and marching bands. Although we advise that you have absolutely nothing in your possession other than identification papers, make sure to have receipts for all items you choose to bring and that they are clearly displayed on the ground beside said items. Remember, by merely standing up you may present a perceived threat to police officers, even from hundreds of feet away.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- If you live in Bennington Vale and fall into that odd one percent of the city's unwed yet heterosexual population, then February 14 can present an understandably bleak outlook. St. Valentine would probably agree. According to legend, Valentine refused to deny Christ at the exhortations of Emperor Claudius in the year 280. For this, he had his head lopped off. But not before he restored hearing and sight to the jailer's daughter. Hell of a guy. Has that "Green Mile" feel to it. It's an inspiring story; deeds most worthy of canonization. But that's not why so many people will be reading "The Bell Jar" by candlelight alone this evening. No, Esther Howland is why.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- If you live in Bennington Vale and fall into that odd one percent of the city's unwed yet heterosexual residents, then February 14 can present an understandably bleak outlook. St. Valentine would probably agree. According to legend, Valentine refused to deny Christ at the exhortations of Emperor Claudius in the year 280. For this, he had his head lopped off. But not before he restored hearing and sight to the jailer's daughter. Hell of a guy. Has that "Green Mile" feel to it. It's an inspiring story; deeds most worthy of canonization. But that's not why so many people will be reading "The Bell Jar" by candlelight alone this evening. No, Esther Howland is why. You see, back in 1847, this woman took what most considered to be another minor day of veneration and began mass producing embossed paper-lace hearts, the kind she'd seen in Europe, using the resources of her father's book and stationery store in Worcester, Mass. Esther Howland is why so many people, unlike the saint's executioners, will not be getting Valentine's head tonight. Fortunately, we at The Bennington Vale Evening Transcript have reached out across the community to find some lovely things to fill in that hole where your heart should have been. It's better than sticking your head in an oven, we promise.