SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Authorities in New Orleans escalated emergency procedures Monday as Tropical Storm Isaac barreled toward the Gulf Coast, on track to becoming a full-fledged hurricane. The menacing storm threatens to unleash serious flooding throughout the region on the seventh anniversary of Hurricane Katrina. Meteorologists predict Isaac to make landfall on Tuesday or Wednesday. Not only have refineries closed and evacuation preparations begun, the storm has also impacted the Republican National Convention in Florida. Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal, scheduled to sing the praises of Mitt Romney at the RNC gathering, had to cancel his trip. And just seconds after declaring the festivities under way, GOP chairman Reince Priebus closed the session, which threw conservative Christian Republicans into a state of panic from the resulting crisis of faith. "Our religious leaders, people like Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell and Rush Limbaugh, understood that catastrophes such as this are sent by God to punish sinners," a distraught Paul Ryan said. To appease the vengeful deity, GOP delegates are now contemplating desperate actions.