“If the kindly folk in that jury believed Mr. Seaton’s hickory dingle had the devil in it, well then they’re going to exonerate the sawbones.” -- Col. Goodman Joseph “Job” Jedediah Lawton-Cluff, Jr., Esq.
SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- In 2007, Phillip Seaton, a 64-year-old truck driver from Waddy, Kentucky, admitted himself to Jewish Hospital Shelbyville for a circumcision, which was performed to an astonishingly liberal degree by urologist Dr. John Patterson. Seaton had expected the procedure to help treat chronic inflammation. Ultimately, it did. When he awoke from the surgery, Seaton discovered that Patterson had amputated his penis. The doctor maintained that he found cancer in Seaton’s member during the surgery, and that it had to be removed as a life-saving measure. The victim, who sued for $16 million in damages, alleged that he never authorized the amputation or received a second opinion. Despite conflicting testimonies from medical professionals and flimsy evidence to support either side, a jury unanimously ruled in favor of the doctor on Thursday.
Even more surprisingly, 2012 GOP presidential candidate Rick Perry declared the judgment a “clear victory for the conservative right and proof that masturbation leads to blindness and disease and the wrath of an angry Lord. There’s your second opinion, Mr. Seaton. This is when science gets it right, and you should be grateful!”
SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- In 2007, Phillip Seaton, a 64-year-old truck driver from Waddy, Kentucky, admitted himself to Jewish Hospital Shelbyville for a circumcision, which was performed to an astonishingly liberal degree by urologist Dr. John Patterson. Seaton had expected the procedure to help treat chronic inflammation. Ultimately, it did. When he awoke from the surgery, Seaton discovered that Patterson had amputated his penis. The doctor maintained that he found cancer in Seaton’s member during the surgery, and that it had to be removed as a life-saving measure. The victim, who sued for $16 million in damages, alleged that he never authorized the amputation or received a second opinion. Despite conflicting testimonies from medical professionals and flimsy evidence to support either side, a jury unanimously ruled in favor of the doctor on Thursday. Even more surprisingly, 2012 GOP presidential candidate Rick Perry declared the judgment a “clear victory for the conservative right and proof that masturbation leads to blindness and disease and the wrath of an angry Lord. There’s your second opinion, Mr. Seaton. This is when science gets it right, and you should be grateful!”
