“What the hell kind of sick, indecent, culturally retarded infidel have we put into power?” -- Rush Limbaugh

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Since Barack Obama presented his poor forgery of a long-form birth certificate, gullible elements of the public have been reluctant to listen to continued accusations that the president is a Muslim from Kenya. This was a particularly unwelcome setback to conservative mouthpiece and long-time champion of American values, Rush Limbaugh, who had made disseminating the information of Obama’s heritage the cornerstone of his crusade to preserve the integrity of the nation’s highest office. Fortunately, an email about the absence of Obama’s past romances surfaced on Wednesday, helping Limbaugh prove that the president is in fact the most un-American political figure in Washington. “No girlfriends?” Limbaugh asked. “No serious relationships prior to the woman he eventually married? What the hell kind of sick, indecent, culturally retarded infidel have we put into power?”