SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Senate candidate Richard Mourdock (R-Ind.) struggled to defend his controversial comments about rape and abortion Wednesday, telling the press his statements had been "twisted." Women's rights advocates across the country agreed: nothing, possibly not even Todd Akin's proclamation of "legitimate rape," could have been more twisted than presuming God's divine scheme for creation includes an endorsement of rape. The Senate hopeful has since taken pains to clarify his comments, though his attempts to back out of the startling assertions have ruffled the feathers of evangelical Christians who support the idea of "divine rape." They accused the Hoosier of arrogantly reinterpreting God's will. "Of course God pre-ordains rape," opined Nehemiah Goodman, a theological scientist employed by San Narciso-based defense contractor Yoyodyne. "Some women fight destiny and nature. Sometimes the government interfers with the Lord. Consider President Obama's mandatory contraception laws. And when obstinate politicians and selfish women defy God, He must intervene. Sometimes, those efforts are more intrusive or penetrating than others. Who are we to question Him? Who is Richard Mourdock to presume or apologize on God's behalf?"