BREAKING NEWS

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Pirate Bay Sails Past Internet Blockade with Buccaneering Panache

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Responding to an injunction handed down in April by the U.K. High Court, Talk Talk became the latest ISP to block access to The Pirate Bay (TPB) this Tuesday following Virgin Media, Everything Everywhere, Sky Broadband, BE and O2. A landmark 2011 ruling in Finland provided momentum for the wave of blocking orders against TPB that are now spreading across Europe. The Pirate Bay is a Swedish torrent site that hosts magnet links which allow users to download copyrighted content via peer-to-peer networks. It promotes itself as "the world's most resilient BitTorrent site," although detractors such as the Los Angeles Times have described TPB as "one of the world's largest facilitators of illegal downloading" and "the most visible member of a burgeoning international anti-copyright or pro-piracy movement." Worldwide, TPB is ranked as the 71st most visited website. But with the flurry of legislation against it, TPB is facing an impregnable armada of government warships and angry content owners who are seeking to scuttle it. TPB vows it won't go down without a fight, and is cleverly borrowing a page from history to bypass the Internet blockade.

Monday, June 11, 2012

Hit by Unexpected Employee Turnover, al Qaeda Hires Temporary Staffing Agency

Abu Yahya-al-Libi
SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- It's been a difficult road for one of the world's most infamous terror organizations. In many ways, al Qaeda is suffering from what business analysts see as growing too big, too fast. "Beginning as a small, privately held start up -- in some ways, a family owned venture -- the enterprise capitalized on immediate successes rather than planning for the future," said Walker Hollywell, professor of Theological Economics at San Narciso College. "Their operating model is decentralized, their revenues are difficult to report, and they've done nothing to build a foundation that favors a stable employment base with advancement opportunities. To me, that's a recipe for disaster." Truly, al Qaeda has no discernible HR policies whatsoever. Benefits seem to be delivered as one-time, upfront payments. Working conditions are described as hostile and without perks. There are no open-door protocols for issue resolution, and leadership remains distant and unapproachable. Worse yet, employee turnover has reached levels seldom seen in other organizations. Speaking on condition of anonymity, one al Qaeda cell manager said he is facing attrition rates of 90 to 99 percent. "Recruiting efforts are costing too much money. We don't have internal resources or capabilities we used to. We need help; this isn't sustainable," the source explained.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Teens Rally to Save Dingy Neighborhood Park Where Most Lost Their Virginity

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Donkeydell Park, tucked away beneath a cover of massive eucalyptus trees behind the neighborhoods in the Andover tract, is one of Bennington Vale's oldest fixtures, having had its sod laid before construction of the first homes began in the late 1960s. While most residents in San Narciso visit the county's sprawling recreational areas to swim, play tennis, exercise, ride horses or just enjoy a warm day in a beautiful setting, the teens of Bennington Vale seldom stray from Donkeydell Park. Despite its unfortunate name -- the origins of which have remained a source of dispute and mystery for decades -- and its deceptively small appearance, Donkeydell endures as a secret oasis to those who seek it out. The field is a rolling swath of green, the length of two football fields. Farther back, several tree houses, a wooden fort and a concrete pit that might have been intended for a pool can be found. Donkeydell also has a much richer history than the larger county parks. But now, government officials want to close it down. Local teens say they won't let that happen without a fight.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Snake-Handlers Seek More Merciful Test of Faith after Mark Wolford's Death, Consider Russian Roulette

CHARLESTON, W.Va. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- The recent death of Mark Wolford, a 44-year-old Pentecostal snake-handler from West Virginia, has not shaken the beliefs of his devout followers, but it has sparked debates within the congregation about alternative tests of faith. Wolford died after being bitten by a timber rattlesnake during an outdoor church ritual at the Panther Wildlife Management Area. Part of his service involved passing around and then dancing with a venomous rattler. More than 30 minutes into the spectacle, Wolford set the snake on the ground and laid down beside it. The agitated serpent immediately struck, sinking its fangs into his thigh. Relatives rushed the pastor to a home 80 miles away to wait for God's restorative power to heal the injury. But after hours of enduring the pastor's excruciating torment, his family -- powerless to do anything but watch and pray -- realized that Wolford's faith in Jesus Christ might not have been as strong as he'd imagined.

Monday, June 4, 2012

Chinese Factories Develop New Robots to Drive Manufacturing without Replacing Workers

BAODING, China (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Part of China's recent growth strategy involves making inroads to highly competitive markets it has not previously entered. The global automotive industry -- dominated by Europe, the United States, Japan, and to some extent Korea -- has been one particular market in which the quality gap is glaringly apparent. But now China wants to emerge as a contender among known heavyweights by offering more than the provision of cheap assembly line labor. "To beat those competitors, we have no choice but to use a higher level of equipment and technology," one engineering company CEO said. It's not just global automakers China wants to take on. From microchip foundries to medical equipment and jet engines, Chinese companies are using their resources and wealth to upgrade their products on an unparalleled scale. To do so, the industrial sector has begun relying more on machines and robots. But as a country still clinging to its socialist roots, China promises that its robots will retain a "human" touch and will not put existing workers out of jobs.

 
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