Saturday, October 31, 2015

Republicans Urge Ban on Halloween: A System That Rewards Filthy Beggars



EDITORIAL: Why Do We Continue to Glorify Beggars Every October 31?

By F. Chester Greene, 2016 write-in Republican presidential candidate

Halloween, to the families of the Greatest Generation, was a jovial celebration of the harvest. Reaping the fruits of our hard labors. An innocent day of mirth, confections and good-natured displays of dress-up. But it has since become a truly horrifying affair. That’s why, as the write-in Republican candidate for the 2016 presidential election, I urge real American patriots to abandon this now depraved holiday, which sends a terrifying message to the nation’s impressionable youth: that grubby costumed beggars looking for handouts will be rewarded.

We now exist in a country that no longer resembles the vision of the Founding Fathers. Where the wealthy industrialists who built this nation have fallen into peril, and where the lazy and blasphemous masses are sucking them dry for underserved health benefits, wage increases, rights for sodomites, and the destruction of pious institutions like Christian megachurches and Amazon and Uber.

It’s not that Halloween pays tribute to the enemies of morality and faith, although it does; it’s that it instills a chilling message that young people should travel from door to door demanding treats under the ultimatum of grave threats. This dangerous socialist economic model should not be glorified. Children need to understand that if the privileged are allowed to have more candy, that candy will trickle down to them. If we impose new regulations and tax increases, for example, that big house in your neighborhood may end up with only six Crunch bars. After a half dozen needy kids take theirs, giving nothing back in return, there remains a mile-long line of others who will get nothing. And in the end, the rich and the poor are left with empty cupboards. The neighborhood falls into decay. Anarchy is loosed upon the world. The End Times.

To transform Halloween into a valuable life lesson, we should give all the candy to the well-heeled. And instead of the pernicious “trick-or-treat” system, the new process should be aligned with “equal rewards for equal work.” Make the children who darken your porch sweep up those leaves, trim the lawn, carry out the trash cans, darn the holes in your $1,500 pair of Cervelt socks. The more work they perform, the more candy -- within reasonable limits -- they will receive. It’s a mutually beneficial and symbiotic arrangement where every contributor wins. Those slacker ghosts and goblins who refuse to earn their share won’t get a share. And they will eventually leave the neighborhood to become a burden on some other area’s system. Like Germany.

Adults, too, should be wearing outfits that both frighten and educate naïve trick-or-treaters. No lesson is to be learned from Wonder Woman or Robin Hood. Dress up as Janet Reno, Fidel Castro (during his time as an American college student), Jimmy Carter, crack whores lined up for welfare checks, abortion-crazed Planned Parenthood Nazis, Harvey Milk, Occupy Wall Street protesters, IRS staffers, environmentalists, a zombie Cesar Chavez urging hordes of undead immigrants across the borders, or Barack Obama sporting what appears to be a Charlie Chaplin mustache.

Let’s not attend parties in drag and promiscuously suggestive attire -- intimating a unorthodox proclivity for unnatural sexual congress. It’s chilling, isn’t it, to think that Cuba Gooding Jr.’s 20-year marriage ended so abruptly because people like this destroyed the institution of marriage? Or that Lamar Odom now struggles for life because the LGBT community corrupted his holy union with one of those Kardashian women, forcing him to seek solace in the drugs and thighs of a Nevada prostitute?

Parents and concerned Republicans, we need to reclaim this holiday as an opportunity to scare kids straight, and to teach them that a government for the people is a false, communist concept that ultimately fails all of the people. Now that’s a scary story.

2015. Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License. See disclaimers.
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