SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- On April 11, Iran's state-run news agency, Fars, announced that one of the country's leading scientists had mastered the metaphysical enigmas of time travel. Ali Razeghi, managing director of the country's Centre for Strategic Inventions, claimed to have developed a device capable of traversing the fourth dimension, which can be stored handily in a "personal computer case." Unfortunately, construction of the unit ran into the same setbacks as Iran's failed endeavors to build intercontinental ballistic missiles. But after nearly two frenzied weeks of redesign, the Centre unveiled a working prototype that will hit store shelves this summer.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Iran banned the use of social media sites such as Facebook and Twitter around 2009, due to their use by activists to foster support for government opposition and to spread news of the protests that took place during the contentious re-election of President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. On Monday, however, Facebook boasted its newest -- and most unlikely -- member: Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei. The infamous cleric's "Khamenei.ir" page includes photos, excerpts from speeches and other anti-Semitic and anti-Western pronouncements. The content is largely directed at denigrating the United States, its allies and Jewish nations, which experts had anticipated. But security agencies throughout North America and Europe found more to worry about with Khamenei liking the Great Satan's leading social network. "If a 73-year-old religious zealot who shuns progress can develop a solid grasp of the Internet and applications like Instagram, we're relatively sure Iran can manufacture a pretty devastating nuclear weapon," said a representative from the State Department. "My 60-year-old mother can't even understand a smartphone. 'Phones are for calling people, not taking pictures and playing video games,' she says. It's frightening that an Islamic cleric gets technology more than a Boston homemaker."