SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Since the start of the financial crisis in 2008, the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation (FDIC) has closed 465 banks. Prior to 2008, only 10 banks had failed. Regulators shuttered another 23 failed banks in 2013 alone. On Wednesday, TFC National Bank said it will close 37 branches inside Jewel stores by March, A day later, still plagued by the fallout from the ruptured housing bubble, Bank of America agreed to pay the Securities Exchange Commission (SEC) nearly $132 million in penalties to settle an investigation connected to the sale of two intricately convoluted mortgage securities sold to investors through its Merrill Lynch division. The news has been neither surprising nor welcoming. But the announcement that regulators seized the assets of the famed Bailey Savings and Loan in Bedford Falls -- a privately owned and cherished institution that never received bailouts -- rocked the nation's confidence. This time, however, a corporate banker named Potter, whom the town previously considered a ruthless and malevolent cad, has emerged as a potential savior.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- The U.S. Chamber of Commerce, the nation's foremost conservative business lobby, announced on Thursday its annual ranking of the eight worst companies in America -- those organizations that consistently fail to embrace the true spirit of bottom-line capitalism. Why eight? Chamber leaders explained that rating ten employers is more expensive, wasteful, and inefficient. To make the prestigious list, a company must demonstrate its failure to seize opportunities for maximizing profit potential by refusing to cut corners, reduce overhead, eliminate employer-sponsored benefits and perks, replace full-time workers with temps or automation, and outsource jobs to foreign nations with cheap labor pools and abysmal records of human rights. "These are big name companies with big chips on their shoulders," said Len Waybill, head economist for the conservative Peter Pinguid Society. "The role of business is to keep growing, to keep making money, by any legal means necessary. Frankly, every company on the list is an embarrassment -- a monument to shame and anti-American values. I always find it strange that these same businesses end up on Fortune's 'Best Companies to Work For' list."

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Amid the economic showdown between congressional Republicans and the White House, in which President Obama has taken a more hardline stance against negotiating than in times past, most Americans are preparing to tighten their belts should the government fail to prevent a dive off the fiscal cliff. Businesses too are taking precautions. Citigroup, which never fully recovered from the financial crisis, announced Wednesday that it would cut 11,000 jobs -- about four percent of the 262,000 employees in its global workforce. Former CEO Vikram Pandit had hired thousands of workers and invested billions to boost the company's revenues when the economy soured in 2008. New CEO Michael Corbat, who succeeded Pandit after his October 16 ouster, seems to have a much different plan. Corbat expects the deep cuts to save Citigroup $900 million next year, and more in subsequent years. "Because of Pandit's prodigal spending and misguided decision making, Citigroup now faces the prospect of having to withhold over $100 million in executive bonuses," said Len Waybill, head economist for the conservative Peter Pinguid Society. "In order to keep the company running, it can't afford to lose its leadership. So sacking thousands of low-level peons makes sound business sense. I don't see Corbat having any other choice."

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Two of the world's most well-known violators of privacy and security are now being questioned by investors about their long-term sustainability after recent revelations of destabilized leadership and lackluster performance. Facebook disappointed shareholders last week when it reported a decline of over 13 percent. As a result, shares slumped to $21.71 at the close in New York on July 31. After three consecutive days of decline, the world's largest social network reported a drop to 6.2 percent -- an historic low. All in all, Facebook's value has waned 43 percent since its IPO. Like Facebook, international terror group al Qaeda has also delivered equally disappointing second-quarter figures. In a report issued last Tuesday, U.S. intelligence agencies declared terrorist attacks by al Qaeda to have reached their lowest levels since 2005. Analysts at Sanford C. Bernstein noted that both enterprises have created a difficult predicament for investors seeking to gain from long-term solvency and returns. "Still, if I were looking at the business model with the most staying power, something not easily displaced by the next new fad, I'd put my money on al Qaeda," said one economist.

TEHRAN, Iran (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) --An Iranian court has found four individuals guilty for their parts in a banking scandal that caused serious complications for the government and led to the ouster of several executives. Officials have sentenced those responsible to death. Directors at an Iranian investment company used forged documents to embezzle $2.6 billion in secured loans to purchase state-owned enterprises in the fraudulent scheme. The incident was discovered in 2011, and over 39 people were identified as being involved. "According to the sentence that was issued, four of the accused in this case were sentenced to death," a judiciary spokesman told state media. News of the executions, however localized, managed to draw the attention of politicians in the United States, sparking a polarizing debate between Democrats and Republicans after a surprising number of struggling, middle class taxpayers said the bold move had given them "newfound respect" for Iran.

"We have laws against suicide, but that doesn't stop people from killing themselves" -- Speaker John Boehner

WASHINGTON, D.C. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Addressing the disastrous decision making at JPMorgan Chase that led to a $2 billion trading loss, U.S. House of Representatives Speaker John Boehner said he didn't believe there was "anything in Dodd-Frank that would've prevented this activity at JPMorgan. We have laws against suicide, but that doesn't stop people from killing themselves." The losses suffered by JPMorgan resulted from derivatives trading and could renew calls to expand regulations for banks, even though lawmakers continue to bicker about the Dodd-Frank rules enacted two years ago. Boehner seized the opportunity to emphasize the value of repealing Dodd-Frank. He also stated that most federal regulations should be abolished along the way: "As Americans, we don't need to be told how fast we can drive, where we can smoke, what we can do with campaign contributions, or who we can and can't hire. Heck, I'm not even allowed to accept gifts from associates or business friends. That's just government-sponsored insolence. Federal law requires me to be rude. And your taxes are footing the bill. Where does it end? I'll tell you -- with you in the poor house. You think your checking account fees are high now, imagine what they'll be like when the government takes over."

ATHENS, Greece (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- International pharmaceutical companies are working closely with European officials on emergency plans to keep drugs flowing into Greece if the country crashes out of the euro. Officials continue to assure the world that such an eventuality would be unthinkable, but it appears they are giving serious thought to the possibility. Not only has the Greek financial disaster blighted the European economy, it has caused worldwide shares of S.C. Johnson -- the owners of Windex -- to plummet. Drugmakers are reaching back to examine the 2002 situation in Argentina, when manufacturers continued to supply drugs temporarily without payment. Executives at major drug companies -- especially those headquartered in Europe -- admitted to being pressured by EU leaders to prevent a "health catastrophe," which could explode should Greek imports falter as result of massive devaluation of newly issued drachma. "There's a moral obligation to comply," representatives from PricewaterhouseCoopers told reporters Friday. "The fact is, we need to keep the Greeks doped up if we're going to get through this with any reasonable measure of sanity."

Sources inside Goldman Sachs worry about Blankfein making his rent this month

NEW YORK, N.Y. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein revealed Wednesday that he too is feeling the pinch of the weak economy as his company announced a 47-percent plummet in earnings, the most severe drop since 2008. As a result, the financial group decreased Blankfein's annual bonus, seemingly in tandem, by nearly 44 percent. Blankfein, who was raised in a Bronx housing project, said the dramatic reduction in pay evoked memories of his humble origins. After being awarded a paltry $7 million -- down from $12.6 million the previous year -- Blankfein put on a brave face and told reporters: "Sure, it's hard. I'm like so many Americans who've had their compensation shredded to a questionable living wage. And, you know, it's easy to complain -- to say, 'why they'd even bother,' or to think of the stipend as a hollow gesture in the face of horrendous morale. But then I take a look around and consider myself lucky that I'm even employed. The bank already fired 2,400 people. Unlike Mitt Romney, they didn't seem to enjoy it. I'm grateful, actually."

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- With the European Union (EU) heightening pressure on Hungary for reforms, and with talks in Greece set to resume next week at a meeting in Athens, confusion still exists about how the EU bailout program actually works. Europeans and non-Europeans alike have voiced concerns about the obfuscated and recursive nature of the proposals, and EU leaders have done little to clarify the process in simple terms. It turns out that Mae Verdulia could have the answer. Verdulia is known to many Bennington Vale residents as the off-beat but strangely charming panhandler and "freelance prostitute" who frequents the parking lot outside Piers Addleson's Pea House. During a working lunch at the restaurant, BVET staffers overheard Verdulia regaling waitress Verna Yerth with tales of a recent exploit, in which she accurately explained how the complex EU bailout functions in the real world.

BEDFORD FALLS, N.Y. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- With the holiday shopping season in full swing, Americans are refocusing their attention on the embattled economy. The news has been neither surprising nor welcoming. Regulators seized 157 banks in 2010, the most in any year since the savings and loan crisis two decades ago. Those failures cost nearly $23 billion. Two more financial institutions were closed in November by federal regulators, bringing the total number of U.S. failed banks this year to 90, the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation said. More shocking, however, was the announcement that officials had seized the assets of and shuttered the famed Bailey Savings and Loan in Bedford Falls on Tuesday.

Representatives from the FDIC said the example of George Bailey -- the kind-hearted and altruistic proprietor of Bailey Savings and Loan -- provides glaring proof of how good intentions so often pave the way to Hell.

NEW YORK, N.Y. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- The otherwise peaceful demonstrations occurring in New York’s Zuccotti Park, intended to protest the corruption and greed of the Wall Street financial systems that led to the collapse of the U.S. economy, took a decidedly darker turn Friday when Occupy Wall Street organizers unveiled a large guillotine flying a French flag. The basket at the foot of the beheading device was decorated with a picture of Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein.

But the insinuation of violence from the image of the guillotine led to physical violence, which culminated in the arrest of three protesters. According to authorities, a female executive from Goldman Sachs attempted to address a contingent of Occupy Wall Street supporters to better understand their complaints. When three unemployed, middle class homeowners informed her that they could no longer put bread on their tables, the executive replied, “Look around you, there are bakeries everywhere. If you can’t find bread, why don’t you eat cake?” The protesters attacked instantly. The woman’s injuries were not life threatening.

NEW YORK, N.Y. -- On May 18, 2010, the economically embattled country of Greece received 14.5 billion euros ($17.9 billion USD) in aid. Since that time, finance ministers across Western Europe, whose nations were responsible for taking steps to alleviate the distressed assets of several struggling countries, have watched the debt burden swell with no signs of abating. German Finance Minister Wolfgang Schaeuble said Wednesday that Europe should prepare to restructure Greece’s debt if the forthcoming analysis from the European Central Bank and European Commission deems it unsustainable. However, Greek officials on Monday again denied that debt rescheduling was imminent, despite the insistence from financial markets that the country will need to renegotiate the terms of its public debt.

In a surprising announcement this morning, Bank of Greece Governor George Provopoulos said that his country had received another loan from what Greek bankers presumed to be the European Union.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. -- Bank of America customers reported on Tuesday that the bank’s Web site, which controls the on-line banking platforms for millions of Americans, was completely down. Although the bank restored service for a brief time, the site became inoperative again in the afternoon. Bank of America spokespeople denied that the systems had been compromised, despite threats from Anonymous -- a “hacktivist” group that supports WikiLeaks -- to launch attacks similar to those that plagued PayPal and HBGary. Based on a tweet from Anonymous, which concluded by saying, “We love problems that solve themselves,” technology experts doubt that the group had anything to do with the outage.

Bartholomew Hyootner, a San Narciso-based IT specialist who’s been following the situation, said, “My preliminary findings suggest that a BofA network geek accidentally deleted thousands of customer records instead of the evidence that proved bank officials knowingly sold billions worth of toxic securities to investors. Happens all the time. One database table gets confused with another. It’s an honest mistake.”

BEDFORD FALLS, N.Y. -- Two more financial institutions were closed in November by federal regulators, bringing the total number of U.S. failed banks this year to 143, the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation said. Allegiance Bank of North America  was the most recent casualty of 2010. More surprising was the announcement that officials had seized the assets of and shuttered the Bailey Savings & Loan in Bedford Falls.

The example of George Bailey, the kind-hearted and altruistic proprietor of Bailey Savings & Loan, provides glaring proof of how good intentions so often pave the way to Hell.