SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Just three weeks ago, a long-time comic book fan and pulp fiction aficionado from San Narciso County received the job offer of his dreams -- assistant penciller for an imprint of DC Comics. He was packed and ready to take the train south to San Diego, Calif., for the annual Comic-Con convention, which showcases the best in comics, graphic novels, superheroes and pop culture. While there, he would have met with publishing executives for an opportunity to pitch his self-created series, “Coit Manhandler: Cougar Master.” But in turns tragic and ironic, the young man’s parents found their son dead early Wednesday morning, the apparent victim of a cougar attack. The mutilated corpse was discovered beside a pile of first edition Hulk comics, wearing a blood-spattered Superman cape and Star Wars Stormtrooper helmet. Investigators said he died as he lived -- a consummate virgin.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- If you live in Bennington Vale and fall into that odd one percent of the city's unwed yet heterosexual population, then February 14 can present an understandably bleak outlook. St. Valentine would probably agree. According to legend, Valentine refused to deny Christ at the exhortations of Emperor Claudius in the year 280. For this, he had his head lopped off. But not before he restored hearing and sight to the jailer's daughter. Hell of a guy. Has that "Green Mile" feel to it. It's an inspiring story; deeds most worthy of canonization. But that's not why so many people will be reading "The Bell Jar" by candlelight alone this evening. No, Esther Howland is why.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- If you live in Bennington Vale and fall into that odd one percent of the city's unwed yet heterosexual residents, then February 14 can present an understandably bleak outlook. St. Valentine would probably agree. According to legend, Valentine refused to deny Christ at the exhortations of Emperor Claudius in the year 280. For this, he had his head lopped off. But not before he restored hearing and sight to the jailer's daughter. Hell of a guy. Has that "Green Mile" feel to it. It's an inspiring story; deeds most worthy of canonization. But that's not why so many people will be reading "The Bell Jar" by candlelight alone this evening. No, Esther Howland is why. You see, back in 1847, this woman took what most considered to be another minor day of veneration and began mass producing embossed paper-lace hearts, the kind she'd seen in Europe, using the resources of her father's book and stationery store in Worcester, Mass. Esther Howland is why so many people, unlike the saint's executioners, will not be getting Valentine's head tonight. Fortunately, we at The Bennington Vale Evening Transcript have reached out across the community to find some lovely things to fill in that hole where your heart should have been. It's better than sticking your head in an oven, we promise.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Alone on Valentine's Day and not sure what to do? If you live in Bennington Vale, and you fall into that odd one percent of the city's unwed yet heterosexual residents, then February 14 can present an understandably bleak outlook. Fortunately, we at The Bennington Vale Evening Transcript have reached out across the community to find some lovely things to fill in that hole where your heart should have been. It's better than sticking your head in an oven, we promise.

Dining and Drinking
Piers Addleson's Pea House is offering an off-menu special for single men. In order to get the multi-course meal, for the astoundingly low price of seven dollars, simply approach the hostess and say, "I'm so lonely, I could die."

SAN NARCISO, Calif. -- Alone on Valentine’s Day and not sure what to do? If you live in Bennington Vale and you fall into that odd one percent of the city’s unwed yet heterosexual residents, then February 14 can present an understandably bleak outlook. Fortunately, we at The Bennington Vale Evening Transcript have reached out across the community to find some lovely things to fill in that hole where your heart should have been. It’s better than sticking your head in an oven, we promise.