SAN NARCISO, Calif. -- In a surprise announcement Monday, three of the founding members of the original Monkees -- Davey Jones, Micky Dolenz and Peter Tork -- told the press that they will start a 10-gig reunion tour around the United Kingdom beginning in Liverpool, May 12. The fourth member, Michael Nesmith, will not be participating in the tour. Nesmith, heir to the Liquid Paper fortune, is rumored to have chronic sinus problems from years of inhaling the correctional fluid. Sources claim that he remains unable to stand, sing or focus on his surroundings for a prolonged period of time.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. -- Thousands of angry fans flooded the phone lines and email servers of MTV/Electronic Arts and its retailers with complaints over today’s release of the eagerly anticipated “Rock Band – Def Leppard Edition” game. The issue stems from a perceived design flaw in the drum kit.

“It’s been chaos in our Customer Service lines,” said Zeke Gersch, a Walmart manager in Bennington Vale. “We expected a lot of orders with Christmas coming up, but not this. All the games are screwed up. There’s only one drum stick in the box. Even worse, the drum kit itself has all these extra foot pedals that no one knows how to use. I can’t for the life of me figure out what the game-making people was thinking.”