SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- After more than two years of condemning Syrian President Bashar al-Assad for the bloody conflict his regime launched in retaliation to the rebel uprisings in March 2011, the U.S. government finally threatened military intervention on Monday after al-Assad's use of chemical weapons against civilians became incontrovertible. The catalyst occurred on August 21, when snipers targeted U.N. weapons experts on their way to investigate an alleged chemical attack. Secretary of State John Kerry told reporters that President Obama is now seeking to hold al-Assad accountable for deploying "the world's most heinous weapons against the world's most vulnerable people." And those vulnerable people, according to Edward Kraftstofflieber, a senior analyst with the State Department, are consumers living in oil-reliant nations to the West. "For the first time, the Syrian conflict seems poised to disrupt oil transport," Kraftstofflieber warned. "With gas prices soaring and the Labor Day holiday fast approaching, we must act now."

WASHINGTON, D.C. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- With the Labor Day holiday upon us, and the ailing economy showing signs of continued stagnation as employment reports indicate no pickup in job creation during the remaining 16 weeks of 2011, the White House issued a statement Friday redefining Labor Day as a national day of mourning, commiserating the loss of America’s workforce, strength, middle class, and founding principles.

Labor Day celebrations were first observed in 1882 as a way of honoring the nation’s booming labor movement, a paragon to the rest of the world and a portent of America’s future might. “Today,” the White House told the country, “that’s all changed. Today, we pay tribute to our fallen co-workers, our foreclosed mortgages, and our friends lost to suicide or in hiding from debt collectors.”