SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- President Obama once again abused his executive privileges Tuesday by unilaterally issuing a series of measures to close off parts of the ocean, pushing the United States one step closer toward economic ruin and communism. The president’s plan would create marine sanctuaries to protect wide regions of the central Pacific from fishing, oil exploration and waste disposal enterprises. The announcement, opponents say, demonstrates further evidence of Obama’s willingness to exercise his dubious executive powers to take over the world, kill thriving industries and destroy free markets.

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SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Determining the origins of Earth’s oceans have puzzled scientists for ages. Because of the intense heat present after the planet’s creation, water would quickly have evaporated, making life unsustainable. For that reason, scientists generally placed the emergence of oceans around eight million years later. The question of where the water came from, however, remained a mystery. But astronomers now claim to have located a comet with the same chemical composition as the Earth’s oceans, proving that celestial bodies were a major source of water for early Earth. “It means it is not true any more that a maximum of 10 percent of water could have come from comets,” the lead astronomer in the study explained. “Now, in principle, all the water could have come from comets.”

Interestingly, the news captured the attention of presidential candidate Rick Perry, who said the findings demonstrated a clear link between the “very little we know about science” and the “preponderance of what we know to be true about Genesis. If we want to fix the world’s problems through science, let’s do it the way God did.”