LILLEHAMMER, Norway (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Eager to celebrate the traditional festival of Saint Nicholas Day -- a largely European holiday that falls on December 6 -- Jurgen Enttauschungsohn, a teen-aged Santa Claus enthusiast, traveled from his home in Norway to the saint's birthplace in Turkey. "I's wanteds to honors the Christmas Mans in a deeply personals experience," Enttauschungsohn said. "I's hads no ideas whats was in stores for me. I wills nevers be the sames again." Workers at the historic preservation site told authorities that Enttauschungsohn collapsed and went into immediate shock at the conclusion of his tour. He is now recovering back home in Norway under medical supervision.

SAN NARCISO COUNTY HEALTH AND HUMAN SERVICES REPORT

SAN NARCISO, Calif. -- With Wednesday’s announcement that the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) would begin implementing what Administrator John Pistole called “a more comprehensive hands-on approach” to airport screenings, doctors with San Narciso County’s Office of Health and Human Services (OHHS) prepared a special report to help victims of physically invasive TSA searches cope with life after the experience. Dr. Hilarus Lustig, chief psychologist for the OHHS, issued the report Thursday, saying that a growing number of Bennington Vale and Santa Calcetines residents have returned from area airports exhibiting symptoms of “Post Screening Traumatic Stress Disorder,” a debilitating condition his team has been studying for the last ten years. County citizens are encouraged to report incidences of PSTSD to the OHHS. Those suffering from the disorder should seek immediate medical attention.