Seventy-five Percent of Nation Mourns Loss of New Deal (1933 - 2011)

Click to Enlarge

WASHINGTON, D.C. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Flags will be flown half staff today at the FDR Monument and Capitol Dome in remembrance of the New Deal, which died on August 2, 2011. With the termination of most government funded programs, memorial services will not be held, although private ceremonies are encouraged. Visit the White House website for a list of major retailers, including Walmart and Big Lots, that are selling specialty “RIP New Deal” items for your parties.

(c) 2011. All stories are works of satire and parody.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. -- Last week, at the request of Mayor Manny DiPresso, the San Narciso Public Works Department closed all public restrooms located on Bennington Vale city property. DiPresso cited the need for additional budget cuts to combat the threat of “Hollisterization” gripping hold of the city. After completing the necessary paperwork, DiPresso admitted that he was flushed with pride over the success of his efforts and the sweeping support for the act.

DiPresso expressed confidence that the cuts would not soil his reputation or cause a stink in the community.