SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Postal workers at the Anchorage, Alaska, distribution center -- which processes mail to the North Pole -- were inundated Wednesday by millions of letters from children who received video game systems, smart phones, tablets and other popular electronic items instead of the two front teeth they requested. "I've been good all year," ten-year-old Barrett Nostrom of Sweden lisped. "Why didn't Santa bring me my teeth? We have no use for this Xbox 360 machine on the farm. I opened it, and there were no Xs inside the box. I tried to use it as a doorstop for the goat pen, but the animals ate it right away. Cheap and worthless thing. But the equally misleading Apple device we got last year, which contained no fruit, did hold out much longer. Mother says it's the smoothest ironing board she's ever used."

ANCHORAGE, Alaska (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Postal workers at the North Pole were inundated today by millions of letters from children who received video game systems, smart phones, tablets and other "in-demand" items instead of the two front teeth they requested. "I've been good all year," ten-year-old Barrett Nostrom of Sweden lisped, "why didn't Santa bring me my teeth? We have no use for this Xbox 360 machine on the farm. I opened it, and there were no Xs inside the box. I tried to use it as a doorstop for the goat pen, but the animals ate it right away. Cheap and worthless thing. But the equally misleading Apple device we got last year, which contained no fruit, did hold out much longer. Mother says it's the smoothest ironing board she's ever used."

ANCHORAGE, Alaska -- Postal workers at the North Pole were inundated today by millions of letters from children who received video game systems instead of the two front teeth they requested.

"I've been good all year," nine-year-old Barry Nostrom lisped, "why didn't Santa bring me my teeth?"

"What am I supposed to do with this thing?" a disgusted Maggie Rose sniped upon opening a new Wii system with a full Rock Band kit. "I can't chew my food. My friends make fun of me. And I get these stupid games?"