SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- With the 2012 presidential election just weeks away, and with Mitt Romney's popularity waning among Republican voters, conservative write-in candidate F. Chester Greene has shifted his campaign into high gear. The Bennington Vale Evening Transcript recently acquired documents illustrating Greene's plans for economic stimulus should he win the presidency. The document starts with a missive from Greene stating, "The current president thinks legalizing marijuana can help to build the economy. We all know this because he keeps courting potheads like that Kumar fellow, who's also a terrorist. Well, I've got a better plan." Simply put, Greene's plan is for America to declare war on China.

ORLANDO, Fla. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- During the first week of September, AntiSec -- an offshoot of the Anonymous hacker collective -- published over one million stolen Apple user IDs on the open web. Having one's personal information released publicly across the Internet would be frightening enough, but initial reports citing an FBI agent's laptop as the source of the compromised data elevated the concerns to legitimate panic. Security expert Peter Kruse validated the authenticity of the personal information in a tweet dated September 4: "Apple UDID leak is real. I have confirmed three of my devices in the leaked data." What remained unclear at the time were AntiSec's claims that the IDs had been discovered and subsequently pilfered from a federal agency. Why the FBI would have an extensive collection of device identifiers lingers as the most disturbing question in the investigation. On Monday, however, a software company based in Florida admitted the stolen profiles had come from its databases. Surrounded by a cadre of armed FBI agents in a show of support and contrition, BlueToad Inc. CEO Paul DeHart said, "We want to apologize, announce what happened and set the record straight."

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Danish director Lars von Trier is once again courting controversy with his forthcoming film "Nymphomaniac," a sexually explicit tale of eroticism. But in response to complaints, von Trier coyly suggested that "Nymphomaniac" would be a "Disney movie" compared to his next release -- a graphically rendered retelling of Oedipus featuring real-life mother and son actors.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- As Paul Ryan made the campaign rounds Tuesday in Ohio, a battleground state where GOP presidential nominee Mitt Romney continues to trail an empty chair in polls, he focused his attacks on the Democratic National Convention rather than the current administration's handling of the economy. Ryan's first target was former President Jimmy Carter, for whom President Obama has planned a tribute. Ryan reminded his base of Carter's abysmal record in office, which included the creation of wasteful and needless agencies such as the Department of Education, Carter's role in destroying Three Mile Island to protect his ties to greedy oil interests, Carter's well-documented atheism and anti-human rights stances, Carter's work with OPEC to bring about a crippling energy crisis, and Carter's involvement in causing the eruption of Mount St. Helens. But the majority of Ryan's speech chided the "ridiculous stunts" Obama aides have planned in response to Clint Eastwood's improvisational empty chair skit.