SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- The San Narciso Police Department is warning residents that continuing illicit New Year's Eve traditions can be dangerous and may result in jail time. Some residents, as part of celebrating the new year, have been engaging in dangerous behaviors that include breaking IKEA dishes on their neighbors’ porches, the practice known as “hogging” and hamster juggling. Mayor Manny DiPresso advised that while he has no idea where these traditions originated, they have no place in the suburbs.

ALLENTOWN, Pa. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- The editors and staff of The Bennington Vale Evening Transcript apologize for the unintentional inaccuracies we encountered during our reporting of a sinkhole in Pennsylvania. The article, fatally flawed, has been removed from the site. On Thursday, a large sinkhole appeared in Allentown, Pa., spreading quickly to a historic cemetery. As a result, 25 people were evacuated from their homes, according to fire officials. The cemetery holds about 20,000 graves, including 714 Civil War veterans. Because of a poor phone connection with our correspondent in Pennsylvania -- the home state of former Senator and current GOP candidate Rick Santorum -- numerous aspects of the story were misunderstood. The story was meant to cover both Santorum's surge in the Iowa polls and the threat of the sinkhole to Allentown residents. Unfortunately, the information came across as: "A giant stinkhole in Pennsylvania evacuated a surge of Santorum Thursday, putting over 20,000 veterans in their graves." Some of the confusion stemmed from conflicting interpretations of Santorum and a related article we published yesterday.

We are committed to accuracy in our reporting and have therefore deleted the misprinted story from today's post. Interestingly, other congresspeople in neighboring states wrote to tell us that they found no apparent errors in the original post.

(c) 2011. See disclaimers.

DES MOINES, Iowa (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- With the caucuses poised to dominate political media next week, Republican presidential contenders have planned aggressive campaign schedules throughout Iowa. According to polls, the top three candidates are current GOP front-runner Mitt Romney, Indieliberepublicrat Ron Paul and former Senator Rick Santorum, who has spent the last three months raising money for a comprehensive study to determine whether he actually exists or is merely the imagination of himself. Yet somehow, Santorum has trickled out from behind to reemerge as a formidable threat. Analysts say it's because he resolutely upholds issues important to conservative Christians, a significant demographic in Iowa. But Santorum's rise in the polls could be jeopardized by Thursday's news that Iowans under the age of 40 have refused to vote for any candidate, denouncing the tone of the elections as "disgusting and inappropriate." They cited as reasons Romney's obsession with gay television icons, Gingrich's fudge fixation and the bizarre elation over Santorum surging across the state.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Nutritionists have long known that the traditional holiday dinner makes up one of the healthiest mixes of proteins, vegetables, grains, starches and fruits when the proper levels of portion control are exercised. They also tout the moderate consumption of red wine as a "heart healthy" source of antioxidants and good cholesterol. But a new study finds that the combination of the two, exacerbated by the increased rush of adrenaline from elaborate holiday gatherings with family, can create dangerous levels of stress, depression and even violence, typically ending in tears, alienation and words that can never be taken back.

ANCHORAGE, Alaska (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Postal workers at the North Pole were inundated today by millions of letters from children who received video game systems, smart phones, tablets and other "in-demand" items instead of the two front teeth they requested. "I've been good all year," ten-year-old Barrett Nostrom of Sweden lisped, "why didn't Santa bring me my teeth? We have no use for this Xbox 360 machine on the farm. I opened it, and there were no Xs inside the box. I tried to use it as a doorstop for the goat pen, but the animals ate it right away. Cheap and worthless thing. But the equally misleading Apple device we got last year, which contained no fruit, did hold out much longer. Mother says it's the smoothest ironing board she's ever used."