Monday, March 18, 2013

Conservative Politician Proposes Law to Prosecute Child Killers for Treason

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- In lieu of the escalating rash of mass shootings involving children, former conservative presidential candidate F. Chester Greene declared on Monday the need for a new law to protect the nation's children. This law, which he calls "The Un-American Act," has raised many eyebrows within political circles. Greene's supporters, however, call the proposed bill a particularly prescient piece of legislation after news today that a student at the University of Florida may have been plotting a massacre in one of the school's dorms.

"The Un-American Act would correctly identify those acts that are, quite simply, un-American," Greene began, in his explanation of the new law before a local press gathering.

"To put it plainly, there are some things people in this county do that are not things any American should engage in," Greene said. "Normally, we would charge these people with treason for doing things like giving American secrets to a foreign body or endangering American lives during wartime. But in the modern day realities, where our opponents in war are often masked and hidden, we don't know who the bad guys are. Everyone could a terrorist! My proposal is that anyone who behaves in a manner counter to what is good, moral American behavior be branded a traitor. And tried and punished accordingly."

In that context, Greene said he would not rule out holding suspects captive in military prisons without recourse to counsel, extraordinary rendition, sanctioned torture, execution, and targeted drone strikes, which can now be carried out legally against Americans deemed "enemy combatants."

Greene used the example of the Sandy Hook Elementary shooting in December.

"The Sandy Hook killer, whom I refuse to name to prevent dignifying his worthless life, killed 20 children, among others," Greene continued. "It is difficult to imagine something less American than this. That killer should be branded, prosecuted, and punished as a traitor. He should be posthumously charged with treason as well as murder. His name should be stricken from the books. It should be a disgrace to even think about him."

When asked how far the law goes, Greene responded that "even the death of one child is traitorous to the American way. As a society, we should value our children more than anything else. Relaxed weapons bans, opposition to Obama's contraception laws, and seriously defining the various forms of acceptable and unacceptable rape are good starts to saving more children. You see, posterity is only as important as the people reading it. I want my children reading about my exploits when they grow up. I want my children reading about the heroes of today, not the villains. They can't do that if they're dead. When I learned American history growing up, I learned about such men as Ethan Allen, Patrick Henry, and Nathan Hale. Men like Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King. Men who stood up for what is right and fought against what is wrong. Men I want my children to learn about and emulate."

With tears in his eyes, Greene passionately concluded, "They can't do that if they're dead. There won't be a generation of children left to read about us. And in some way, we all die then. That's why we must start there: protecting our children."

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