MADISON, Wis. -- Since taking office, Governor Scott Walker has made some unpopular decisions, seemingly without regard for established procedures or laws. Walker’s dubious parliamentary tactic to push through massive cuts in compensation for public employees and curtail collective bargaining agreements caused Democrats to abandon their posts. The issue has also led to activists gathering signatures to recall all members of Walker’s Republican controlled Senate. More critically, Wisconsin voters on Tuesday sent Governor Walker a clear message about their displeasure with his strong-arming an anti-union rights bill through the Legislature by electing Democrat JoAnne Kloppenburg to the vacant seat in the state’s Supreme Court. Voters hope that Kloppenburg will rule against Walker when his law is inevitably challenged before the high court.

Even fearing the collapse of his regime, Walker today refused to back down and instead announced a startlingly brazen plan to abolish the United States Congress and the Office of the President by installing a deceased puppet dictator as Emperor of America.

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Attorney General Eric Holder issued a statement today announcing that the Department of Justice will no longer defend the constitutionality of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), signed into law by President Bill Clinton in 1996. Because President Obama believes that gays suffer continued discrimination, and because historic laws pertaining to gay rights and the classification of sexual orientation have received only cursory review, they deserve a higher level of protection than currently exists. Holder and Obama, also a lawyer, both believe that the section of DOMA that bars legally married gay couples from federal recognition does not meet this higher level of scrutiny.

The announcement is big news for members of  the GLBT community, who have expressed disappointment with the administration’s lackluster efforts to safeguard and enforce their civil liberties. But conservative sociologists point out that Obama’s decision is a dangerous step toward destroying the human race.