SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Although George R.R. Martin creates fantastically lush and detailed realms in his immense "A Song of Fire and Ice" series, a sprawling medieval epic set in the fictitious world of Westeros, the stories do not shy away from the gritty realities of life and death. Far more than sword and sorcery, "A Song of Fire and Ice" exposes readers to the complex, deadly geopolitics associated with empire building and conquest. But now Martin wants to bring his message of life, hard times, death and war to a younger audience. He announced on Tuesday plans to create a series of children's books that promises to "treat kids like the tough, intelligent beings they are and not lie to them about how the world really works." He has tentatively titled the new franchise "Everyone You Love Will Die...Horribly...Butchered Before Your Sad Helpless Little Eyes."

EDITORIAL (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- New Year’s Eve is almost upon us. As the CEO of San Narciso’s premier radio station, I don’t focus a lot of attention on television. Moving images take away from the sound spectra that surround us, the chords and frequencies and timbers and harmonics. But old films, the classics, now that’s where it’s at. Where it’s always been, right? Where the writing mattered. Where it was about the words, people, not the visual distractions. And it seems the only time we get to partake is around the holidays. So what the hell is going on here?

I’m speaking to you, Rolf Funch, president of RJ Fletcher Communications. What kind of world makes us sit through Dick Clark’s loathsome post-stroke aphasia during every New Year’s Eve special from now until the End Time out of some misguided notion of tradition? Yeah, I know he's "dead," but I've become convinced that Dick Clark was capable of regenerating into new, uncomfortable bodies like a Time Lord. Now he's masquerading about in his new incarnation as Ryan Seacrest. Regardless of which form he takes, or what pseudo-dignified personality he decides to pair with Kathy Griffin, the spectacle remains one of those horrific and intolerable moments where I'm forced to feel embarrassment for another human being. But it's a tradition. An American tradition.

You know what else is a tradition? An American tradition? “The Horn Blows at Midnight.” Surely you remember? Jack Benny? Alexis Smith? Made in the year of your lord Nineteen Hundred and Forty-Five?

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- The Academy of Television Arts and Sciences announced Monday its decision to cancel the broadcast of the 65th Primetime Emmy Awards that was planned for this Sunday, September 22. Citing a projected drop in attendance and lackluster ratings from an increasingly distracted and disengaged audience, a representative for Academy Chairman Bruce Rosenblum told reporters: "Why waste everybody's time and money? Many of the shows nominated are officially off the air now, the others have grown stale and predictable, we can't allow Netflix to gain any more ground on our allies in broadcasting, and we're pretty sure America's feigned adoration of 'Downton Abbey' will run its course next year when the viewing public gets too bored and tired to maintain the pretext that they relate to any of these stodgy Brits, at which point they'll return to the familiar comfort of Honey Boo Boo. Honestly, it's destined to become the BBC's 'Nurse Jackie.'"

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- The dispute between Time Warner Cable and CBS, which led Time Warner to drop the network on August 2 around 5:00 p.m., has now entered its eighth day. The blackout has directly affected subscribers in New York, Los Angeles and Dallas. As of Friday, neither side displayed any signs of progress in negotiations nor made any overtures toward ending the dispute. The acting chairwoman of the Federal Communications Commission told the press that her agency "will continue to urge all parties to stay and resolve in good faith this issue as soon as possible. However, I will affirm to you that I am ready to consider appropriate action if this dispute continues." But leaders at AARP, a non-governmental interest group that advocates for CBS' predominant demographic, say they can't afford to wait for the FCC to act. "Our members simply don't have time to see if the government will step in and end this devastating stalemate," complained Morris Irving Harolds, an AARP representative from California. "Literally, some of these people have only days left to live."

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Megastorm Sandy pummeled the Northeast Monday night, battering the New Jersey coastline with 80 mph winds while sending 13-foot surges of seawater into New York's subway stations, tunnels, and power grids. According to current estimates, Sandy has claimed the lives of ten people. Other cities along the Northeast corridor -- including Washington, Baltimore, Philadelphia, and Boston -- also reported violent rainfall and gales in excess of 85 mph. The threat of continuing rain and further flooding across several states has forced over five million Americans to remain sealed up in their homes. For those without power, Sandy accorded them an opportunity to spend quality time with family members over candlelight, introducing modern youth to board games such as Scrabble -- or "offline Words with Friends." But for those homes with electricity or generators, the terrible storm allowed television networks to make a desperate last-ditch effort to bolster the ratings of failing shows before a truly captive audience.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- As news of the Colorado theater shooting broke last Friday, viewers switched from MSNBC to its competitors Fox News and CNN for live coverage of the attacks carried out by 24-year-old James Holmes. According to Nielsen ratings reports for July 20 -- during the time of the rampage at an Aurora, Colo., Cinemark that left 12 dead and nearly 60 others injured -- MSNBC's primetime audience dipped far below the network's averages. Conversely, CNN's viewership rose by 125 percent while Fox News' audience increased by 11 percent. MSNBC has been struggling over the last year to prevent significant ratings declines in its news broadcasts. For viewers to be turning off the network during a major event is "disheartening," media analyst Brad Adgate told Reuters. Executives at NBC described the massive loss of audience life as a "one of the most terrible and inconceivable horrors of our time."

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- In April of this year, minimalist furniture pioneer IKEA divulged plans to bring its own television to market, featuring the company's unique, angular, and functional designs. What really makes the unit, called Uppleva, a hallmark IKEA product is that it bridges the divide between digital entertainment and designer furniture. Uppleva is more than a TV -- it's a bundled entertainment center with an integrated Blu-ray DVD player and audio system. With its sleek contours, Uppleva reminds one of an Apple product -- if Steve Jobs had studied at the Bauhaus. The technology itself boasts nothing extraordinary or even competitive, but it does come with nearly 20 pre-installed apps including YouTube, Vimeo, and Dailymotion. But Uppleva has not been engineered for audiophiles and tech geeks -- it's for consumers who want tangible features in an aesthetically pleasing and user-friendly package. Unfortunately, beta testers have criticized the product harshly for being anything but easy to use. In fact, 48 of the 50 subjects who've had the units for several months claim they can't even finish assembling them.

"I should've seen this coming; it's IKEA after all," said Martin Gruntlich, 33, of Germany. "I mean, I never thought I'd have to put the damn TV together -- and with only a horribly drawn manual, a box of stripped and irregularly sized screws, some glue, and that silly hex wrench. I have an electrical engineering degree, and I still can't make heads or tails of this thing!"

(c) 2012. See disclaimers.

VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- The famously controversial televangelist Pat Robertson stunned his conservative Christian base during Thursday’s 700 Club when he justified divorcing a spouse with Alzheimer’s, calling the disease a “kind of death.” For years, loyal viewers have rallied behind Robertson’s homophobia, misogyny, gambling addictions, financial backing of Liberian human rights violators, and calls to assassinate foreign leaders for their differences in economic opinions; but many claim they’ve drawn the line at this skewed interpretation of the scripture. Burl Trevenson, a devoted fan and donor from Bennington Vale, lamented, “I nearly lost all my faith when Reverend Robertson said that global warming was real and started pouring money into the research -- money that people like me gave him to give to God to help save the earth. You know, from queers and uppity women and Hugo Chavez. But this, this I just can’t cotton to. ‘Til death do us part, that’s what it says. Life begins at conception and ends in a terrible orgy of demon sodomy and forced cannibalism. Everything in between is living.”