SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Entertainment media reported last Thursday that Dina Eastwood, star of the E! reality series "Mrs. Eastwood and Company," had checked herself into an Arizona care facility for depression and anxiety. Dina is the wife of acclaimed actor, director and producer Clint Eastwood, who is best known for his intense and edgy performances in films such as "Revenge of the Creature," "Francis in the Navy," "The First Traveling Saleslady," "Escapade in Japan," "Breezy" and "Casper." Relatives emphasized that Mrs. Eastwood, 47, is not undergoing treatment for substance abuse. On Tuesday, a spokesperson for the family officially announced that Dina is seeking therapy to help her cope with Clint's increasingly erratic and delusional behavior -- in particular, his obsession with invisible people in empty chairs.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- The professional sports establishment has been an influential force for breaking down barriers over the years. The most obvious being the race barrier. But on Monday, NBA center Jason Collins shattered one of the final impediments when he announced his homosexuality, becoming the first openly gay male athlete to do so while being active in a major team sport. Other players have waited until their retirements to reveal their sexual orientations. Public reactions to Collins' disclosure spanned all ends of the spectrum, from support to condemnation. And not surprisingly, leaders of the Westboro Baptist Church -- the Almighty's constant gardeners, who root out the sinful weeds of homosexuality wherever they take hold -- were there. The extremist Christian sect said it will launch its most elaborate protest yet -- by forming its own pro basketball team.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- On April 11, Iran's state-run news agency, Fars, announced that one of the country's leading scientists had mastered the metaphysical enigmas of time travel. Ali Razeghi, managing director of the country's Centre for Strategic Inventions, claimed to have developed a device capable of traversing the fourth dimension, which can be stored handily in a "personal computer case." Unfortunately, construction of the unit ran into the same setbacks as Iran's failed endeavors to build intercontinental ballistic missiles. But after nearly two frenzied weeks of redesign, the Centre unveiled a working prototype that will hit store shelves this summer.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- The main Twitter account of the Associated Press (AP) was compromised Tuesday when alleged hackers posted a tweet about an implied terrorist attack on the White House. The message said President Obama had sustained injuries after two explosions erupted from 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. The spurious tweet panicked Wall Street investors and briefly sent stocks tumbling. Shortly after the FBI opened an investigation into the incident, the Syrian Electronic Army (SEA) took credit for hijacking the news cooperative's accounts. Authorities, however, could not corroborate the SEA's claims. On Wednesday, embarrassed representatives from CNN admitted that they had accessed the Twitter feed to help the AP break an "important developing story from a variety of reliable sources." CNN denied accusations of hacking or intentionally reporting falsehoods.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- As the contentious gun rights debate rages through the chambers of Congress, a fringe group of weapons owners worries that new regulations could stifle their Second Amendment freedoms. Aldous Farstly, chief executive officer for the National Organization of Bomb Smiths (NOBS), cautions his cadre of bomb enthusiasts to stockpile supplies before "socialist lawmakers" clamp down on retailers such as Home Depot, RadioShack and Sears, which provide key parts for homemade explosive devices. But in the race to strip store shelves of pressure cookers, nails and other impoverished shrapnel, NOBS members will have to compete with domestic terrorists who are joining the rush to assemble IEDs in the wake of the successful bombing attacks in Boston last week. For companies suffering through dwindling profits and forced closures, the influx of new business is a welcome relief.