Tuesday, March 7, 2017

Carson Cites Slaves and Trump’s Grandfather as Deportation Success Stories


SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- On Monday, Ben Carson made his official debut as the head of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) by extolling the virtues of immigration as reflective of the American dream and the nation’s core values. The address was ironic. Carson made his statements on the same day that President Trump issued another executive order to reinstate the controversial travel ban. He also drew fire for comparing slaves to pilgrims in search of a better life abroad. Carson’s remarks seemed at odds with the president’s insistence on pressing for extreme vetting and mass deportations. Liberal media also seized the opportunity to publish a letter written by Trump’s grandfather, Friedrich, in which he implored Prince-Regent Luitpold of Bavaria not to deny his citizenship. But in a surprising statement on Tuesday, Trump used both examples to illustrate the benefits of deportation.

Slaves to Opportunity

In an attempt to depict the boundless possibilities exemplified by the American spirit, HUD Secretary Ben Carson referenced the slave trade that began in the 1600s and flourished between 1808 and 1860.

“That’s what America is about,” Carson said. “A land of dreams and opportunity. There were other immigrants who came here in the bottom of slave ships, worked even longer, even harder for less. But they too had a dream that one day their sons, daughters, grandsons, granddaughters, great grandsons, great granddaughters might pursue prosperity and happiness in this land.”

Black Americans were horrified by the insinuation that African men and women put themselves in shackles, packed into the cargo holds of ships under cramped and hostile conditions, and then sold their bodies for pennies as abused farm workers for “prosperity.” The White House, however, supported Carson’s assessment.

“Back in the jungle, these people were trapped in tribes,” Trump said. “Cruel, violent inner cities, in a way, just terrible. Sad. They were forced into a communism. They worked their butts off just so the elite masters of the group could benefit. They couldn’t realize their dreams in Africa or put their true talents to use. So many talents. All wasted. They weren’t allowed to be rappers or basketball players or comedians or barbecue cooks. So when a bunch of Dutch guys showed up and offered them passage to America, they had no choice but to go. And the Dutch shipping companies told the tribal leaders, ‘Hey, these folks could be laying their roots in the new world; they’re Americans now, sort of, like three-fifths of them.’ The black kings said, ‘Fine, deport them to America.’ That’s a success. The black ruling class beat them down. If if wasn’t for white Europeans, none of those people would be here.”

Carson agreed, and proposed a set of policy reforms to capitalize on these lessons. One of his foremost endeavors would provide a new social contract to help low-income African American families realize the dream of property ownership in exchange for property ownership. The ingenious plan is called “Labor for Lodgings” or “Gigs for Digs,” less formally. The concept is simple and grounded on past best practices: indigent and underemployed urbanites struggling to afford decent accommodations would exchange work for housing.

“Gigs for Digs allows poor black people to trade their skills for a roof over their head,” Carson explained. “It’s a policy that thrived for a long time in the United States. It’s why so many African Americans today, the descendents of adventurous and brave immigrants, live in the conditions they do. During the 19th century, immigrants from Africa negotiated deals with wealthy property owners to trade free agency employment for housing. They were given shelter and board by their new employers, at no cost, for tending the crops, handling domestic duties for the family, servicing agricultural equipment, taking care of animals and even providing entertainment.”

Rather than cutting checks for the poor, Carson hopes to revive a service-for-shelter arrangement, which he believes offers greater mutual rewards to each party.

Friedrich Trump: Deported Farmhand Becomes Wealthy Hotelier

The president’s detractors regularly portray his xenophobic, anti-immigrant stance as a measure of hypocrisy. Occupy Democrats wrote: “His family were immigrants from Germany; his wife is an immigrant from Slovenia; he employs immigrant workers to run his businesses.”

The publication added: “Which makes it even more appalling that Donald Trump’s administration has made it a top priority to deport as many illegal immigrants as they can, greatly expanding the powers of ICE agents and tearing families apart for unpaid parking tickets or other petty infractions.”

To highlight the terror that deportation instills in those seeking better circumstances in a new land, liberals refer to the letter Trump’s grandfather penned in a passionate appeal to stop the Bavarian government from revoking his citizenship. Friedrich Trump recounted how he emigrated to the United States in 1885 to expand his business opportunities. His wife, however, found the climate of New York unfavorable and longed to return home. But before the elder Trump set sail for America, he had failed to complete his compulsory military service in Bavaria. For this reason, the prince-regent denied Trump’s request for repatriation and deported him.

The missive, translated from its original German by Harper’s Magazine, includes two particularly moving passages in which Friedrich desperately implores the crown to reconsider its decision. Progressives have urged Donald Trump to place himself into the shoes of his grandfather and reflect on the consequences of his policies:

But we were confronted all at once, as if by a lightning strike from fair skies, with the news that the High Royal State Ministry had decided that we must leave our residence in the Kingdom of Bavaria. We were paralyzed with fright; our happy family life was tarnished. My wife has been overcome by anxiety, and my lovely child has become sick.

Why should we be deported? This is very, very hard for a family. What will our fellow citizens think if honest subjects are faced with such a decree — not to mention the great material losses it would incur. I would like to become a Bavarian citizen again.

Donald Trump, to the dismay his critics, unexpectedly embraced Friedrich’s deportation as proof of its merits. After Friedrich’s importunities fell on deaf ears, he was forced back to the States. There, Trump’s forebear found himself running brothels and bars during the Klondike Gold Rush.

“People keep asking me how I can ignore the plight of my grandfather, a tremendous man, while I sign actions that will protect Americans from terrorizing, raping, job-stealing immigrants,” President Trump said. “Because being deported was the best thing that happened to America. Without Friedrich Trump, I wouldn’t be the 45th president. I wouldn’t be standing here today. The last four months would never have happened. Hillary or Bernie would be president, you would have terrible Obamacare, the press would be writing whatever they wanted and nobody would be starting conflicts with our enemies. It would be a disaster. A weak, failing nation.”

“You know, my grandfather left some podunk German outback, where he picked grapes, and ended up running bars and hotels and casinos and nightclubs. His legacy lives on today,” added Trump. “We still run hotels and know our way around bordellos. My grandfather should never have listened to his wife anyway. I hear that noise all the time from Melania. ‘I want to go back to Slovenia. I miss Gorky Park. I hate the imperialist fortress they want me to live in. i think Barron should get to know his biological father. There are strict incest laws back home, yadda, yadda, yadda.’”

(c) 2017. Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License. All articles are works of satire. See disclaimers.

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