SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Last Thursday’s narrow passage of Trump’s revised health legislation, intended to repeal and replace Obama’s landmark Affordable Care Act, marked the first measurable victory for a struggling administration. Despite controversial provisions for low-income tax credits and phasing out the expansion of Medicaid, alarms have been raised over allowing insurers to hike premiums for covering pre-existing conditions. Trump sweetened the pot Tuesday with sweeping additions to what insurance companies can consider pre-existing conditions: being brown, female, gay or Muslim.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Republicans on Thursday rammed their revised health care bill through the House of Representatives, packed with amendments and additional spending, to seize a narrow victory with a thin majority of votes. Gaining the same hard-fought adoption of the Senate, however, will prove to be a much heftier feat. Despite the skepticism of Senate Republicans, the opposition of uncharacteristically united Democrats, and concerns that the Congressional Budget Office has not reviewed the financial impact of the legislation, the biggest debate involves a concession called the MacArthur Amendment, which honors the president’s promise to guarantee pre-existing conditions. “If you have a pre-existing condition, this bill won’t touch it,” Trump said. “You get to keep your pre-existing condition forever. Our health care act won’t eliminate any pre-existing conditions you have.”

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Agriculture Secretary Sonny Purdue pushed forward on Monday with aggressive plans to reverse the draconian dietary standards the Obama administration had imposed on school cafeterias as part of its eight-year socialist agenda. The Trump White House campaigned on a platform of restoring free market capitalism, vowing to stave off the creeping threat of communism that caused the country, its economy and its business communities to flounder for nearly a decade-- practically to the point of national insolvency. With many executive orders penned, Trump has fought to alleviate burdensome regulations on industry, such as crippling standards for health, safety, fair compensation and labor protections. In his first official act, Purdue has proposed a “repeal and replace” nutrition program that “accurately reflects the true diets and values of American families, and the businesses they depend on.”

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Vice President Mike Pence was attended to by paramedics and briefly hospitalized this weekend, according to eyewitness reports. The incident occurred at a quiet D.C. bistro on Sunday afternoon. Pence arrived for lunch before his wife, and was seated alone by a female server. Without the spiritual protection of his spouse, Mr. Pence was overcome by the lewd aura of the waitress, which culminated in a severe panic attack. Because similar encounters are more likely to occur, given Pence’s expanded role in government, White House officials announced that they would be designing a protective, portable enclosure for the vice president, similar to the popemobile.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Prior to January 2017, John Fleming served as a representative for Louisiana’s 4th congressional district. More recently, he joined the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) as President’s Trump appointee for assistant secretary in charge of health technology. He answers to Secretary Tom Price. Fleming’s position garnered little, if any, media attention. But the public now wants to know how Fleming will help guide key health policies, given that Trump’s other cabinet picks have come under intense scrutiny. The answer may lie in Fleming’s 2006 book on adolescent addiction, which warns of the inextricable bond between counter-culture expressions -- including piercings, alternative music, modern fashion and tattoos -- and drugs, which appear like stigmata on those who sin against the white, 1950’s, American ideal that represents the Lord’s perfect realization of purity.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Following a day of drama, marathon meetings, intense discussions and combative posturing, the vote to repeal and replace the Affordable Care Act (ACA) has been postponed until Friday. House Republicans must persuade at least 21 members of their caucus to support the bill, under the presumption that no Democrats will endorse it. However, 26 conservatives confirmed that they will vote against the current version of the American Health Care Act (AHCA). Four other Republicans stated they would likely oppose it. Despite concessions, the bill, derisively dubbed Obamacare Lite, “doesn’t begin to discriminate or hate hard enough,” opponents explained. “We were sold Mengele; what we got stank of Mother Teresa.”

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- President Trump’s proposed budget, “America First: A Budget Blueprint to Make America Great Again,” may seem austere and disproportionately attuned to the needs of the military industrial complex, but the White House views its hardline approach as a “compassionate” and deeply patriotic plan, even though it eliminates funding for the arts, sciences, environment, education, healthcare and geriatric support programs such as Meals on Wheels. Trump’s cabinet assured the public that the new blueprint will restore America to the days of its past grandeur: a time of epic wars with foreign powers, a thriving economy based on defense spending and more reasonable limits on the lifespans of persistently lingering seniors who are depriving the nation’s underemployed Millennials of greater opportunities.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Last Thursday, the Republican-controlled Senate took a major step toward eviscerating the Affordable Care Act (ACA), also known as Obamacare. In a 51 to 48 vote, senators approved a proposal that would empower them to gut key provisions of the health care act without facing a filibuster by opposing Democrats. The following Tuesday, however, the nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office (CBO) published research that depicted significant impacts from a repeal. Their top concerns involved vast numbers of uninsured Americans and skyrocketing premiums, which would effectively put medical care beyond the reach of millions. The charge is being led by House Speaker Paul Ryan, who has been trying to gut the wasteful federal government for years, seeking instead a greater reliance on privatization. To show the inherent dangers of providing citizens with access to health care, Ryan boldly renounced all of the socialist, Hitler-esque, taxpayer funded benefits he receives as a member of Congress.