SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Since Trump’s inauguration, his cabinet and the heads of federal agencies have endured a fraught, heated battle of wills. In some instances, the president pledged to dismantle regulatory bodies such as the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA). For other overly bureaucratic and onerous offices, like the Department of Energy (DOE), Trump appointed leaders who were willing to sabotage the existing infrastructures and undo decades of unnecessary projects that attack faith-based initiatives. Now there remains the complex matter of what to do with NASA. The agency became one of Trump’s first targets, when he threatened to cut all funding for climate science. On Tuesday, however, the president surprised Congress by calling for a renewal of the space program, which he believes will prove instrumental in his massive deportation efforts.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Speaking at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) last Friday, Donald Trump disclosed his intentions for an unprecedented buildup of the U.S. military, which drew rounds of applause from supporters. On Monday, the president confirmed his request for a nine-percent budget increase to accomplish the massive rearmament, with equivalent cuts to existing social programs to offset the spike. Analysts estimate the costs at $54 billion. Trump also renewed his pledge to enhance immigration crackdowns and roll back rights for the LGBTQ community. But in a surreal conflation of the two issues, Trump implied that his wildly unfettered deportation policies would now include transgender people, who should be “sent back to Transylvania” where he apparently believes they came from.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- This week’s gathering of the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC), the platform that helped launch Trump’s rise to the presidency and gave voice to his “America’s first” agenda, was a rousing and revealing affair. On Thursday, acting President Steve Bannon agreed to a rare interview with Matt Schlapp, head of the American Conservative Union. Bannon rarely addresses the press or makes public appearances, due in large part to his one-hour window of sobriety each day. On Friday, Co-President Trump energized the crowd with a firm pledge to lead a new era of rearmament in America. His fiery promises to close the borders and shore up the nation’s military drew rounds of applause. Trump will outline larger plans before Congress on Tuesday. The Evening Transcript has secured a leaked draft of that speech, penned by Bannon.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- On February 20, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) teased an intriguing discovery. The announcement alluded to the possibility that scientists had identified life-sustainable planets beyond our solar system. Astronomers applauded the news, but terrified Trump officials described the discovery as an immigration powder keg, on a galactic scale. The president warned of an imminent “end-time event,” as billions of undocumented aliens and terrorists would invade the United States. He lashed out at the Obama administration for rejecting the public’s call to construct a Death Star, and vowed to build “some kind of killer space fortress” to protect American interests.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- If there are two qualities about Donald Trump that stand out, they are his penchant for braggadocio and his love of golf. Despite statements to the contrary, Trump frequently assures the American people and his nemeses in the press that he is an intelligent overachiever, with an exemplary academic record and IQ score to back up the claim. However, doubts abound. The universities Trump attended show no honors, meritorious distinctions or noteworthy grades. On Tuesday, a psychologist from San Narciso College emerged to clarify the discrepancy. “I looked at the president’s latest IQ test and discovered that he’s interpreting it the same way he would a golf score -- from an amazing round of golf. I mean, like, record-breaking.”