Friday, January 20, 2012
After Six Marines Killed in Deadly Helicopter Crash, Conservatives Declare War on 'Terrorist Aircraft Manufacturers'
Posted by BC Bass on Friday, January 20, 2012 in afghanistan crash helicopter iraq john mccain lindsey graham marines military ndaa 2012 rick santorum satire taliban terrorism World News | Comments : 0
Representatives and senators alike have supported Graham in his mission. Given that less than 15 percent of the crashes actually resulted from enemy fire, helicopters have emerged as one of the deadliest, and stealthiest, weapons in the terrorist arsenal.
A ranking member of the Armed Services Committee said: "It's treason, basically. Our helicopters don't support the troops. They're killing 'em. We've been so focused on IEDs and suicide bombers and RPGs that we haven't looked at the nemesis within. It's time to declare war on our helicopters."
Graham also noted that modern, mass-produced helicopters are the byproducts of Soviet engineering, pioneered by the designs of Igor Sikorsky. "They're commie machines of death, mayhem and murder," Graham added. "It's ironic, really. We worked closely with Mujahideen guerrillas to suppress the Soviet threat in the 80s. Now, these same people are using Soviet technology to kill Americans, right under our noses."
Concerned officials have vowed to take decisive action. Using the provisions of the recently ratified National Defense Authorization Act (NDAA) Bill 2012, which declares the United States a "battlefield" and authorizes the military to arrest and detain American citizens without charges or trial, U.S. forces are beginning the process of rounding up executive officers from the companies that manufacture helicopters for the military.
"I wouldn't say they're all guilty, but they are now persons of interest -- and highly suspicious ones at that," said a representative for Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.). "If we've found a group of internal terrorists who are sabotaging the war machines we rely on, then we've got a threat more insidious than the Rosenbergs."
Conservatives have rallied in the cause, saying that those who question the morality of armed conflict are traitors deserving of enhanced interrogation under the provisions of NDAA 2012.
"The only rational argument I've heard so far is about how closing down these manufacturing facilities could jeopardize jobs and the economy," said 2012 presidential contender Rick Santorum, an avowed war monger. "The military industrial complex is vital to our survival. It's a core Republican ideal. But what we're proposing is creating a new segment of that economy to build weapons and gunships capable of destroying the terrorist helicopters freely operating on our soil. All the workers who've been duped into making these patriot-killing deathtraps can quit their jobs and enlist in this new effort. And those who don't can fester in Guantanamo with the CEOs we've rounded up. Let me tell you, getting a 'Cuban Cigar' in a military prison isn't something your mouth looks forward to."
(c) 2011. See disclaimers.