Monday, January 16, 2012

Angry Moviegoers Walk Out of 'The Artist' Citing Technical Problems with Sound and Color

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- After taking home the Golden Globe for Best Picture Comedy, "The Artist" managed to pique the curiosity of Bennington Vale's suburbanites, who admit to loving a good comedy. However, as county theaters began screening the film today, outraged moviegoers walked out of the showings and demanded refunds, citing technical difficulties with the sound and poor picture quality. Directed by Michel Hazanavicius, the French romance chronicles the decline of a famous male star alongside the rise of a fresh young actress during Depression-era Hollywood. "How did this rubbish win an award over real comedies like 'Bridesmaids' or 'Hangover 2?" vented exasperated homemaker Bethany Brightslice. "We were sold a false bill of goods. I expected something funny. You know, 'Wild Hogs' or 'Corky Romano' or 'Look Who's Talking' funny. Not this junk. If this was a comedy, you wouldn't know it -- especially since the sound was out through the whole movie."

The owners of the theater, who had not previously viewed the film themselves, returned all the proceeds to disgruntled patrons. Greston Damlidge, proprietor of the three-screen Vale Oracular Spectacular Cinemaplex, remained at a loss to explain the countless glitches in the film.

He said: "Our technicians have gone over every inch of the projectors and sound systems. We still can't figure out what happened to the sound. Nothing seems to be broken, but whenever we load up the movie, there's absolutely no talking until the last minute or so. It's uncanny. There's also no color. Given that the equipment is operational, we think the studio sent us a damaged reel or perhaps even the wrong reel. This appears to be a picture made in the 1920s. We've sent angry letters to The Weinstein Company demanding that they provide us with the proper film or return all the money we sent them."

As of this reporting, Damlidge contends that the issue remains unresolved. Representatives from The Weinstein Company declined to comment on the status of the complaint, responding only with laughter and crude criticisms of San Narciso County residents. The Vale Oracular Spectacular Cinemaplex is now refusing to run any film distributed through TWC or Dimension Films.

(c) 2011. See disclaimers.

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