Thursday, June 14, 2012
Britons Shocked and Outraged as Leveson Inquiry Finds No Sexual Relationship Between Rebekah Brooks and David Cameron
To the utter shock and rabid disappointment of lorn Britons desperate for some sizzle, the only things exchanged between Brooks and Cameron were electronic texts, according to the Inquiry. And while the Conservative Party may have bedded Murdoch's media empire with the voracity of a drug-fueled Charlie Sheen freak fest, no tawdry love connection was forged between the feisty redheaded editor and her pulpy, pasty PM.
Addressing what he called the pivotal question of the investigation for most Britons, Lord Justice Leveson explained: "Sadly, we have determined that despite all appearances and indications, Rebekah Brooks and David Cameron were not 'doing it.' Concerning the other aspects of collusion and scandal between Mr. Cameron's administration and Mr. Murdoch's papers, we're still assessing the evidence. We can conclude that, as incredulous as it may seem, no sexual congress between Cameron and Brooks occurred. The proof came in the form of Ms. Brooks inviting Mr. Cameron to a 'country supper,' which is precisely that. If Brooks had instead suggested a 'spit roast,' 'Hertfordshire ham,' 'Cornwall soup,' 'Kidderminster tossed salad' or 'doughty caber jam on dark toast,' we'd have a much randier tale to tell."
(c) 2012. See disclaimers.