Monday, July 29, 2013

Prince Harry Vows to Ensure Royal Nephew 'Has Fun,' Queen Orders Supervised Visits

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SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Last Monday, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge welcomed the newest member of the Royal Family into the world. William and Kate's son, christened George Alexander Louis -- Prince George of Cambridge, was born at the private Lindo Wing of St. Mary's Hospital in Paddington. At that time, Prince Harry was given permission by the Queen to "cuddle" the infant. But four days later, when Harry vowed to make sure his nephew "has fun" growing up, the 87-year-old monarch ordered Palace Guards to supervise all visits between Prince George and his wild uncle.

The situation worsened dramatically this weekend when Harry announced his plans to organize a royal bash to celebrate the birth of England's future king. The 28-year-old prince joked: "I only hope my brother knows how expensive my babysitting charges are."

In response, the Queen reportedly told members of her staff: "Yes, I suspect that importing a procession of sullied, dusky hued whores balancing baskets of cocaine on their heads does not come cheaply."

Harry has a storied reputation as a party animal and the most uninhibited successor to the throne among an otherwise stodgy list of potential heirs.

A brave soldier, lauded for risking his life during combat in Afghanistan, Harry is better known as a playboy prince whose madcap exploits have fascinated the British public. During his schooldays, for example, Harry invited friends to his father's home in Highgrove where he founded Club H, which the Mirror described as "a cellar drink and drugs den." Charles eventually ordered his youngest son into rehab after embarrassing reports of his drinking and recreational drug use dominated the tabloids.

Last August, Harry made headlines again when nude pictures of him surfaced from a now infamous romp in Las Vegas, showing the prince in extremely compromising positions with unidentified women -- similarly attired.

In telling British media that one of his duties as an uncle to Prince George is "to make sure he has fun," Harry crossed a line that has forced the Queen to take "strong, protective measures," according to Palace insiders.

"The Queen considers this an unintentional threat to the station of the crown, but a threat nonetheless," a member of the Royal Household admitted on condition of anonymity.

"She said, 'The entire civilized world knows what Harry considers fun: indiscriminate dalliances with unsavory women of questionable pedigree, ghastly orgies on snooker tables in Nevada and indulging in narcotics not sanctioned for royal use by the National Health Service. We will not allow this lewd ginger to corrupt Prince George or bring further disgrace to our family.'"

Harry allegedly attempted to introduce his nephew to polo as well, a decision the Queen said exemplified his irresponsibility. Prince Charles intervened.

"Harry's scheme to take an infant onto the polo field, albeit atop our old mare, was a foolish and dangerous exercise in bad judgment, likely born from a night of drugs, drink and other debauchery," Charles said. "For one thing, Camilla needs to be reshod. Secondly, a baby's cries could spook her. George could be thrown or trampled."

2013. Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License. See disclaimers.
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