Friday, October 17, 2014

RNC Leaks Documents Sent to Press about True Nature of Ebola Threat: Scary, Will Kill Your Children


“The Republican Party is fighting for a freer and stronger America where everyone has the opportunity to achieve the American Dream without dying from Ebola” ~ Reince Priebus

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- The United States has only been in the throes of this domestic Ebola scare for a couple of weeks, but media sources reveal that the coverage has already topped the relentless reporting of past doomsday-worthy scenarios such as the Boston Marathon bombing or the disappearance of Malaysia Airlines Flight 370. Some media watchdogs claim that over 7,000 references to the dangers of Ebola have made their way on air this week alone. Yet liberal organizations have derided such journalists as Glenn Beck, Bill O’Reilly and every Fox News pundit for failing to properly educate citizens about the real nature of the threat. “The result is a frightening level of misinformation about Ebola and a deep lack of understanding of the virus by most Americans,” Media Matters for America wrote Friday. And that’s why RNC Chairman Reince Priebus has leaked information sent to press outlets by the GOP, which seeks to correct misleading reporting by doctors, health officials, liberal politicians and leftist media.

“The risk of contracting Ebola is so low in the United States that most people would have to go out of their way to put themselves in any danger,” noted health news organization Medical Daily. The CDC attempted to quash the fear-mongering by presenting actual facts about the virus, which the agency does not consider a significant risk to Americans. A doctor in Florida indicated that a person is more likely to be struck by lightning than to catch Ebola. And in response to GOP lawmakers who are pushing for emergency border control and anti-immigration measures, Democrats cried “racism.”

It’s precisely over these ill-informed attempts to pacify the public that Priebus and Republicans take exception.

“Let’s face the grim facts,” Priebus warned, “the country stands exposed to an apocalyptic harbinger of the End Times, we have no leadership in the executive branches of government, the wealthy and privileged drivers of the economy are under attack, and a bunch of brainwashed Obamacare doctors are trying to stop the panic when more people -- in fact, all people -- should be panicking. It’s much worse than we’re being told.”

Because a bunch of socialist bleeding hearts believe we should repay our “debt” to Africa with American corpses, Priebus contends, the nation is going about its business instead of flooding hospitals or massing together to overthrow the Democratic Party’s “benevolent overlords.”

“Attempting to suppress the fear of a virus that will likely kill all our children is their October surprise,” Priebus said. “A surprise on par with receiving a phone call from an old college flame who needs to tell you he has herpes. The truth is that you’re more likely to get struck by lightening a gazillion times while being violated by gay, migrant, Islamic zombies in clown suits who hate children than to not contract Ebola.”

To clarify the realistic menace of Ebola on American shores, and to honor the GOP’s mission of transparency and empowering the people, Priebus has released the contents of a press release issued to CNN, Fox News and the Washington Post by the Republican National Committee.

310 First Street SE
Washington, DC 20003
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Ebola

Washington, D.C. - October 17, 2014 -- The Republican Party is fighting for a freer and stronger America where everyone has the opportunity to achieve the American Dream without dying from Ebola. To those ends, our mission is to engage and edify the American people of the real threats posed by this African virus, yet another attempt to destroy the United States from within by elements of that dark continent. At least with Ebola, we have a birth certificate, so to speak. We would like to enlist your support, as bastions of objective and fact-based journalism, to spread the truth by reporting the following:

Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Scary disease. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Will kill you. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Will make your children watch as it murders you. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Gays. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Immigration. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Taxes. Death. Taxes. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Obamacare. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Death Panel. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Brown people. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola. Ebola.

-- End --

2014. Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported License. See disclaimers.
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