SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Bill O’Reilly’s ouster from Fox News, amid revelations of a costly sexual harassment cover up, has also put President Trump in an awkward and embarrassing predicament. At the end of March, Trump declared April 2017 to be National Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Some progressive opponents accepted the gesture, hoping for an earnest commitment from the White House, even if politically motivated. Others derided the president’s sentiments as ironic and brazen, citing examples of his misogynistic exploits, including a public defense of O’Reilly. When questioned about Trump’s support of O’Reilly, Press Secretary Sean Spicer reluctantly admitted that the president’s intent with National Sexual Assault Awareness Month was to honor the “perverts, rapists and sexual predators who represent the values of America’s great leadership, and who have fueled a thriving patriarchy that created the most powerful nation in the world.”

EDITORIAL (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- It’s not often that a Walt Disney picture courts controversy, but the once beloved hallmark of family entertainment deserves the backlash it has invited for the upcoming “Beauty and the Beast” live-action film. The crux of the outrage stems from Disney’s flagrant promotion of an “exclusively gay moment.” Yes, a production house that formerly pushed family values is now threatening to destroy them. For what? A quick, tainted buck? As a socially, fiscally, racially, philosophically and religiously conservative Republican community leader, I say we must act. It’s not enough that responsible theater owners, such as those in Alabama, are refusing to screen the thinly disguised pornography. The American Family Association (AFA), champions of virtue, are funding a wholesome remake that depicts the damnation, gruesome retribution and fiery terror that await same-sex sinners.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Addressing the U.S. Central Command on Monday, President Trump veered from his prepared remarks to inform the nation’s military leaders of a shocking secret: the media is purposefully burying reports of terrorist attacks. He cited recently revealed cover-ups such as Obama’s ban on Iraqi refugees and the horrendous slaughter of millions, also unreported by the mainstream press, during the Bowling Green Massacre. Trump, an avid television junkie, voraciously consumes hours of TV news, SNL and other programs that may portray him an unfavorable light. However, Press Secretary Sean Spicer disclosed that during an accidental channel change to Syfy, the president stumbled on perhaps the biggest security threat to the United States: an armada of kamikaze sharks that descend from tornadoes and embark on murderous sprees that leave behind more carnage than three September 11s. “It’s already happened four times,” Trump announced, “and it’s going to happen again. Where is the media?”

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Although several of the entertainment industry’s most prominent celebrities and performers have turned down invitations to Donald Trump’s inaugural celebration, the event promises to be a concert for the people -- and perhaps even by the people. On December 22, Trump tweeted: “The so-called ‘A’ list celebrities are all wanting tixs to the inauguration, but look what they did for Hillary, NOTHING. I want the PEOPLE!” Sources close to the president-elect say he will make good on that statement by encouraging audience members to headline the event, which has now been drastically scaled down and re-themed as “an elegant karaoke party,” according to Kellyanne Conway.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Donald Trump may not have attended the 74th Golden Globes ceremony or, as he claimed, even watched it, but his presence took center stage throughout the evening’s festivities. The harsh depictions of Trump’s ineptness as a businessman and political leader culminated with a fiery yet refined speech delivered by Meryl Streep. Among the many shortcomings and frailties she described, Trump’s insulting mimicry of a disabled journalist drew her particular ire. Trump defended the misunderstanding by attacking Streep on Twitter, clarifying that he was making fun of the “retarded press,” not “actual spastics and cripples.”

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Did you know that country music star Tim McGraw hates America? Apparently, he does. And it’s no longer a secret he’s stuffed in a closet presumably packed with gay skeletons, burqas and aborted fetuses -- he’s openly admitted it to the dismay of patriotic music lovers. “It’s innate in me to be a blue-dog Democrat. I’m not saying I’m right or wrong, but that’s what I am,” he told entertainment reporters. “My wife and I and our family will do everything we can to support Obama. I like his ideas, I like his energy, and I like the statement he would make for our country to the world.” McGraw also likes to present the image of flag-waving country boy, but that flag no longer flies the glorious colors of the Confederacy. Even worse, this socialist peace-hawk is now considering a career in politics, a move that could pound the final nail into the lid of this nation’s liberty coffin.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- The folks at In Touch, Life & Style are in touch with neither Bruce Jenner’s life nor style, according to ex-wife Kris Jenner, matriarch of the Kardashian clan. The magazine’s controversial cover, which bears the title “My Life as a Woman” and depicts the former Olympian in drag and cosmetics, attempts to out Bruce as preparing for a new life as a transgender person. The image is garish and shocking, but it also turns out to be fake. Staffers at the magazine Photoshopped the picture. And that has Kris outraged. “It’s just mean to do whether or not it’s true,” she fired back, somewhat equivocally. “Worse than that, it’s not even his shade of lipstick. Bruce would never apply such an unflattering pink; not with his complexion. Don’t even get me started on the rouge and eye shadow. I swear, it’s like a box of Crayolas vomited.”

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Bob Dylan’s handwritten lyrics to “Like a Rolling Stone” fetched a record-breaking $2 million at a Sotheby’s auction in New York this Tuesday. The purchase price easily topped the previous record of $1.2 million, which a buyer in 2010 paid to procure John Lennon’s personally penned manuscript for “A Day in the Life.” According to the auction house, an anonymous fan placed Dylan’s lyrics up for sale, saying he bought the document from the legendary folk artist directly. The identity of the winning bidder was not disclosed, but the man told Sotheby’s he was willing to “pay any amount to end decades of torture trying to figure out what the hell Dylan is mumbling about.”